There is nothing fun about the entire divorce process. From start to finish, it can drain the energy and life out of two people and their extended family. For many men and women this newfound freedom has them wondering about whether dating while going through a divorce is the best thing to do. Each set of personal circumstances around the divorce can result in a different answer and it best for you to evaluate your own situation before jumping back into the dating world.
The first thing to ask yourself is whether you are dating as a form of rebounding or because you have an earnest interest in more relationships. When you emerge from a marriage you can feel left out, lonely, fearful, and insecure about what your role as a single person in this world is. If you have children, especially young ones, you may worry about how they feel not having a dual parent household. At any rate, you should give yourself a little time before signing up for the best dating service you can find. If you don’t allow yourself to work through your pain and learn the lessons that it can teach you, you won’t be the best partner to someone else. Additionally, if you were at the being dumped end of the divorce, you may be trying to recreate something in others as a way to heal your own broken heart. Don’t be mistaken – sometimes a little distraction can help get your mind off of someone – but it isn’t a sincere or healthy reason to enlist in a date a thon. Plus, every single one of us has been in a relationship where we were just a replacement for someone the other person really loved and this doesn’t feel good. Meeting the perfect person under these circumstances can ruin any future chance at love with them.
The next thing to consider before dating during a divorce is whether or not the marriage at hand has any chance of being saved. If the divorce is a result of a heated moment, you may be able to salvage the marriage at some point. Adding other people to the mix too quickly can hurt these chances and make it even more difficult to get back together. Also, consider the state of your divorce. If dating is going to harm the legal process or proceedings of a divorce (especially with kids) then you might want to keep your interests reined in for just a little longer.
Kids do make dating during a divorce even more difficult. How can you expect a child to truly understand why mom or dad is with someone else? The divorce can be truly difficult on kids and many parents tired of their state of being can place demands and expectations on their children out of selfishness and resentment for their unhappy marriage. Take a step back. If you want to date and the divorce is not final – then you may want to find ways to do it privately. Expecting your children, young or older, to care about someone as emphatically as you is unreasonable to expect. Plus, your newfound happiness with another person can feel like a threat in his or her lives. Instead, wait as long as possible before introducing the person to your children. Don’t invite them to stay the night with you. Remember that whatever goes on in your life will be shared with your ex to be as well and this type of constant dating can trouble custody and settlement arrangements. While you may feel like “I am an adult and can do what I want,” your children count on you and you must act responsible on their behalf. The other side of this is that getting your child attached to people you date makes it ten times harder on them when you break up. Your child needs his or her own parents first and no matter what makes mom or dad a horrible spouse, doesn’t mean that they are horrible parents.
Dating while going through a divorce can also be difficult if the person you are dating has anything to do with the divorce. For most couples who start out as an affair, the insecurity of the person cheating again (this time on you) is common. The other thing is that jumping from one serious relationship to another, doesn’t give you enough time to heal and experience growth as a person. You will be taking the same troubles from your marriage into your new relationship. The difference is that they will take on different shapes – but the problems will be the same.
If you are dating during a divorce, make sure that you are honest with the people you are dating. Whether you post your profile online or pursue a local dating scene – you should make every effort for people you date to understand your situation. If children are involved, tell them from the get go so that they understand when you decline certain things in the relationship. Also, realize that the rules have likely changed since you started dating. Technology can make the dating scene seem easier than ever, but it is also more dangerous. There are many people who will present themselves as one thing on line and that turn out to be a threat to your safety in reality. Try to keep things in perspective and have fun, while remaining safe. Just because you are throwing yourself, back into the dating scene doesn’t mean that you have to be over eager to meet and greet every person that seems interesting.
Whether you date or not while you go through your divorce is completely up to you. Just take the time to decide what went wrong in your first relationship, before bringing too much stress into your life. Be realistic about what you expect from another person and about what you truly have to offer another person. If you are dealing with heartbreak from your divorce, then enter the dating pool slowly. Same is true if you have children. The dating world can seem exciting and full of passion, especially in the midst of a divorce, but eventually most will find it provides little substance.