10 Things Men Should Not Say to Their Wives

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It’s universal. Men, for some reason, have no real idea how to say what they mean and mean what they say (unless it pertains to sex). And sometimes, silence really could be a man’s best friend. Yet since they are dealing with women, silence too can say too much. So how can these communicably challenged man folks be sure to stay out of trouble? Well, for one thing….dare never say any of these top 10 Freudian slips to the wife (especially if it’s her time of the month).

  1. ”Are you wearing that?” If he who wears the pants in the family put the emphasis on the word that” in this statement, you can be rest assured that he will be in trouble. ‘Are you wearing that,’ means that you don’t like what she is wearing. It also means that you think she has gained weight, believe she is dressing inappropriately or just down right don’t think that she looks good in the clothes she picked out. A word to the wise, if you are about to head out the door to a special event and you throw this number one faux paus out….you’re going to be late!
  2. ”Do you wanna have sex?” Really guys?! Remember back in the day when you actually took the time to romance the old lady? And suddenly, with a few years of marriage under your belt, you suddenly just blurt it out as if you are reporting the weather. This is definitely a mood crusher, and definitely not the best way to get the sexy juices flowing. Listen, by now she knows what you want when you want it, so try and play it cool and at least pretend like foreplay will be part of the plan – even if it does only last for a few minutes!
  3. ”What’s for dinner?” Normally, this little catch phrase pops out of nowhere hours and hours before dinner will actually be eaten. And why is it important? And who really cares about dinner when you haven’t had lunch yet? Also, asking rather than just getting something out of the fridge, sort of insinuates (whether intentional or not) that you assume your wife is going to cook. Even if she cooks 7 nights a week, the assumption will get you in trouble.
  4. ”Are you on your period?” Often, in couples – a strange thing happens. Whenever a woman has a complaint, or expresses her discontent with something that is going on, she is accused of being on her period. The truth is that it isn’t always periods that piss women off. It is in fact sometimes MEN! And if the love of your life is already a little irritated with you, asking her if she is on her period will only make things worse. It is a truth in life, that women can be discontent at times during the month other than when they are on their period…ESPECIALLY if they are married to MEN!
  5. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do I!” Okay, so what you are lost. It isn’t a big deal. And unless you want a GPS system for Father’s Day, you really should stop and ask someone. Women don’t like to be lost because it makes them feel out of control, even for a few minutes! But defending your inability to navigate the compass, well that’s irritating.
  6. Next up…be warned, if your wife asks you if you think someone is pretty, you should brace yourself. Women are smart, and they know damn well when someone is pretty, but if you say that she is….this person will now become a martyr to your marriage. Every time something goes wrong, your wife will say, Well maybe you should have married Sara, since she is so much prettier than me!” The only safe answer here is the casual head nod, with an Ah, she’s all right” type of response. Sure, your wife will know you are lying but who cares. And for the record, saying something cliché like, not as pretty as you,” or outright lying/ignoring will only make matters worse!
  7. ”Should I/we ask my mother?”This one is especially true if you have recently become a parent. Your wife doesn’t want her mother in law answering your questions any more, and your wife doesn’t want you running to mama – every time something comes up….or EVAH!
  8. ”Have you gained weight?” This one should be self-explanatory. If you have to ask, it means she probably HAS gained weight…and she doesn’t want to be reminded, especially since you are toting man boobs and cannot even blame childbirth!
  9. Any talk about ex girlfriends or ex wives is just not necessary. Even the most secure women, doesn’t want to hear that you miss your ex wife’s meatloaf.
  10. What have you been doing all day?” Got a stay at home wife/mother….this is a big mistake. Likely, she has done MORE than you did all day, and has had to wipe butts. Touch other people’s snot and constantly clean, cook and entertain in the process. Throw in a comment about why she looks like she just woke up, and you can throw the condoms away. Chances are she won’t be touching you for quite a while.

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