She says: But we were intimate just last Wednesday.
He says: Honey, that was three Wednesdays ago.
And you wonder why the media and other enlightened groups are too preoccupied about sending surveys out to respondents to measure their pulse rate. To complement that, there’s an equal number of literature being circulated on how to spice up sex in marriage.
We remember reading awhile back about how over-sexed our people were. Has this changed all of a sudden?
These days, the common complaint is “not often enough.”
But then again, look who’s complaining. Do husbands feel deprived because of their wives’ unwilligness to be intimate, or are women feeling the pressure about doing their wifely duty in addition to laundry, cooking, driving, disciplining, attending school meetings and grocery shopping?
Even the Bible or New Testament states that sex should not be denied or demanded. If one spouse does not feel like having sex, the other spouse must respect that. It goes the other way too: if one spouse likes to have sex, then the other spouse must agree. Sexual compromise is strongly encouraged provided it is reasonable.
Statistics Revealing How often Married Couples Have Sex
Statistical reports vary. While they’re not uniform due to geographical differences and people’s reticence to talk about a very private matter, statistics are nevertheless entertaining - and revealing.
For instance, one report, sponsored by a Christian entity, says that taking all ages into account, a typical married couple engages in sex on average twice a week.
Another survey conducted in 2003 by Durex reveals that:
- people engage in sex 127 times a year. Of course the report did not indicate whether those 127 times were more frequent during the winter or summer, or after a fight;
- of people surveyed, ¾ of them say they were satisfied with their sexual life;
- if you’re of Eastern European origin, count yourself lucky. The Durex survey puts you as the most sexually active race (but it fails to mention whether the Russians have more sex than the Hungarians or Bulgarians, or whether the Bulgarians are more creative in their sex activities than the Russians are);
- Americans in 2003 had sex 118 times a year (again there were no specifics as to where and how and with whom). Their frequency rate was better in 2001 – 132 times a year;
- 48% of women admitted to faking an orgasm (funny, but it didn’t provide the percentage of men who faked it as well or knew that their wife was faking it but pretended to believe her);
- In 2001, the same survey stated that married couples have sex 98 times a year;
- and believe it or not: regardless of your race, people around the world prefer to go out and have fun rather than have sex.
(source of statistics: Sheryl and Bob Stritof)
How much credibility you give these statistics largely depends on your personal situation. You might turn a cynical eye to the figures. For instance, for data to be valid, you’d have to look into how the respondents were chosen, whether the respondents are an accurate representation of the population, the research methods used, how the data was measured and how the questionaire was structured. Social scientists would be the first to caution you about taking these statistics as absolute truth.
Why Couples Don’t Have Sex More Often
Possible reasons are:
- fatigue resulting from workaholism – if husband and wife work long hours, there is less interest in sex. The demands of work and home rob people of their energy. Imagine this: husband and wife work 10-hour days in the office to earn good salaries. They come home and work some more by doing housework and supervising the kids’ homework;
- routine and boredom – after about five years of marriage issues crop up in the marriage - mortgage, credit card payments, frustrations at work and house maintenance. Husband and wife settle into a home routine that almost always does not include sex. When they were dating, the sex was more frequent. The sex was still great during years 1 to 4, but when more pressing problems come up, sex has a lower priority;
- medical condition – husband or wife develops a medical condition that could significantly lessen their sex drive, either from the condition itself or from the effects of the medication.
- couple may have unresolved differences that prevent them from enjoying sex together;
- unhealthy attitudes about sex – one spouse may have been raised to think that sex is more of a duty than something to derive pleasure from;
- cultural differences could affect the quality and frequency of sex between mixed-marriage couples;
- deeply-seated psychological problems that make sex impossible (examples are anxiety, fear, or being a rape or incest victim in the past).
Other reasons include a job loss, a death in the family, or financial difficulties. Infidelity on the part of one spouse could also lead to the loss of interest in being intimate. Trust issues are a factor.
If a couple feels that their sex life is affecting their marriage, they must mutually consent to seeing a counselor or sex therapist. But before taking that step, both must be willing to admit that a problem DOES exist and there is a strong desire by both spouses to solve the problem.
Benefits of Frequent Marital Sex
There’s no two ways about it: Sex is h-e-a-l-t-h-y. There have been studies indicating that married couples live longer than their bachelor friends. It could be due to the strong mutual support that marriage brings or the frequency of sex – known to be a tonic for stress.
Other benefits are:
- improvement in self-esteem
- joys of physical stimulation
- closer emotional attachment
- lower incidence of illness
- posture improvement
- stress and anxiety reliever
- enhancement of fitness levels
Considering the benefits of frequent sex in marriage, couples must make an effort to maintain a healthy and wholesome attitude towards sex (this includes experimenting with new positions and reading how-to books for making sex more exciting and more erotic in flavor).
Couples must raise their antennas to romantic opportunities and be spontaneous. Car pooling, PTA meetings, community duties, diaper changing and teething tots must not put a damper on a potential sexual encounter.
It’s true that fatigue is a reality and is inevitable; the point is, couples can adjust their lifestyles to avoid too much fatigue. There is such a thing as scaling back in domestic chores, but scaling up in the...
...bedroom. Turn up the heat!