Every year there are thousands of people who experience the heart breaking affects of calling off a wedding. For so many people this can be one of the hardest decisions to make; especially if the dress, tux and cake have already been ordered; but at the same time this is a decision that when done for the right reasons can directly benefit the rest of your life.
So what are the good reasons to call off a wedding? Probably the first thing to consider is why you are getting married to begin with. The institution of marriage now is much different than it was even 30 years ago. Throughout history marriages have been arranged or done out of convenience often for the sake of the other people. Although there are much fewer arranged marriages now than ever; there are still a lot of marriages arranged for the wrong reasons. Making a life choice like marriage based on an ultimatum of sorts will always come back to bite you in the butt. So, why are you getting married? Is it because you are hopelessly in love with the one person you feel “completes you?” Take a look at this short list of the wrong reasons to get married. If you find your motive in any of them; even if the wedding is planned – you should probably call it off and take some more time to get your priorities straight!
- You are afraid of being alone! Your partner is okay- but in reality you just don’t want to end up an old lady (or man) with 10 cats! This means you are settling….
- You are getting married to escape something. College, your parent’s home, unemployment, a pain in the neck roommate!
- Marrying out of spite. Your parent’s hate you are dating and you just want to show them. Similarly, your girlfriend cheated with her ex and now you want to get married just to “show him up.”
- To live out a fantasy of marriage perhaps created when you were a child. Many women do this, dream of their wedding day. If you are more concerned about the decorations and planning of the wedding than your spouse this may be you!
- All of your friends are married now and you find that there really is nothing else left for you to do. This happens to both men and women who find themselves suddenly the only single person in their life.
- If you want to have a baby! Marrying someone just to have kid because you are afraid of your biological clock or are dying to be a father….not great! Nowadays there are other ways to do this without dragging an unsuspecting partner into it.
- Financial reasons. Gold digging. There has to be more to a marriage than money. All the money in the world comes with a price tag; you might not see it right away – but its there!
- You were handed an ultimatum. If your partner says marry me or else….choose the later. No one who truly cares about you would do this and this will cause lots and lots of resentment down the road.
- Pregnancy. Yes, this can be a good way to decide to finally tie the knot with that person you love. But if you end up pregnant or got someone pregnant that you hardly know….rethink your decision. You can work on the relationship while you raise the child together.
- Pressure from your family. This one happens a lot. You find yourself at the altar with your high school sweetheart because the whole thing is just so amicable. Your families are best friends and the two of you were voted ‘most likely to get married’ at graduation. Live a little and if it is meant to be; it will happen.
- To find a parent for your child. Being a single parent can be a much better way to raise a child than in a loveless marriage. Marriage is for you; not your child and finding someone who will be a good mother/father for your child is not a good way to start a life together.
- Citizenship. Believe it or not; this happens A LOT! Much too many strings attached.
- To prove that you are not gay. Save everyone (including you) the heart break and live your own life the way you want to. You deserve to be who you are, not something you aren’t.
Calling off a wedding for any of these reasons can be a good decision all around. So often the idea or decision to get married is done in the heat of the moment. But think about what marriage means to you. Even if you did not see a happy marriage in your home growing up you deserve to spend your life with a partner who will love and support you through all the changes of life. If you are marrying someone for the wrong reasons you are setting your self up for a lifetime of guilt and will eventually feel disgusted and resentful of your decision.
Marriage should always be about what you feel in your heart. The person you marry should be someone that you can’t imagine living your life without. They should be a person that you love and hate all at once and that you accept for all that they are and they do the same for you. In a good marriage; two people are entitled and comfortable being themselves and find laughter and passion at the base of their life even if it is sometimes clouded with life issues.
There is no failure in calling off a wedding. Even if you are just not sure or ready to get married and want a little more time – the fact that you call it off may lend some insight into how important you feel marriage really is. It isn’t something to take lightly or be flip about and if you do it right; you only have to do it once!