25 Mar Dating a Mama’s Boy – Is it Worth the Effort
Ladies young and old, beware! Hidden among a sea of handsome, intelligent and successful men are Diary of a Wimpy Kid boys that cannot make a move without their mama. On the outside, they look like every other man. Broad shoulders, receding hairlines, and the marks of wisdom and maturity. But on the inside, they are cowardly little poodles that cannot withstand or pull free from the stranglehold that is their mother. Sadly, they masquerade this well for a while and often don’t show the full fledge addiction of mommy love until they are passed the “I do’s!” Some can even hold out until the queasiness of pregnancy and childbirth is upon them. But when the big reveal comes…it is insidious and can completely make the ‘other women’ in their life feel manipulated and powerless against the looming power of Mama! The best advice is to look for the signs while you are dating, to ensure that your man is not an undercover mama’s boy. Dating a mama’s boy is definitely one of the largest trials in a relationship.
First, look for the signs. This may take a bit of investigation at first. Look for signs that he is calling his mother when he is not with you. Actually calling his mother is a good sign. But if your man seems to disappear just to dial his mother, when he knows you are out of ear shot – you can bet he is a mama’s boy. Another tell tale sign is the way his house looks. If you know your man isn’t the particularly neat and tidy kind, but his house is impeccable and he doesn’t have a maid – watch out. Might be that he spends his weeknights being tended to by mama, evident by creases in his jeans that he has never sent off to the dry cleaners. Look in his freezer as well. Tupperware containers filled with meals labeled by the day of the week could mean something beside OCD. It could mean that you are a dating a mama’s boy.
In your relationship, you probably think it’s cute, even sweet that he takes such good care of his mother. As time goes on though you will realize that the obsession becomes a little weird. There is nothing wrong with a man loving his mom, even making sure that she is always okay. But when he depends upon her, cannot go a day without calling her (and she’s not sick) or she is the first person he does call when he has something as trite as a stuffy nose, you are in deep doodoo. You will realize that the closer YOU get to your man, the closer his mama pulls and her main goal is to get you out of the picture. This means that she will comment about your jeans being too tight, the size of your boobs, the authenticity of your cooking and will make comments to undermine you every chance she gets. Her hopes are that she can plant enough seeds of in his head to make him doubt you, even realize that despite your incredibleness….you aren’t worthy of marriage.
It’s almost too bad that you couldn’t talk his past girlfriends. They would be a sure way to tell whether or not you are under the “mama’s boy” spell or not. However, if you are dating a man, that should have or could have been married ten times already and isn’t, your radar should be blinking. Sure, it might be that he has commitment issues or other serious derailments with women. More than likely though is because you are dating a mama’s boy and no woman as of yet has been strong enough to cross the battle lines and win. This is not to intimidate you. Many women who end up marrying these men do just fine. However, your marriage will be a rough road ahead where you will be forced alone to deal with your mother in law setting boundaries and making rules that will constantly be tried. Then when children come along, a whole new set of problem arises because she believes you will never be a ‘good enough’ mother to her grandchildren (just as you aren’t a good enough wife to her son)!
So you’re thinking that there is still one thing you can do, that she can NEVER do. And you do it well! Sorry to say girls, the problems with dating a mama’s boy will make their way into the bedroom as well. Eventually, you will be so filled with a mixture of jealousy, resentment, and content that your sex life suffers too. You may even try withholding sex as punishment, which only will end up making the mama right in the end.
The raw truth is that there is nothing wrong with a man who loves his mother and treats her and all women with respect. In fact, that is a bonus. However, at some point in every man and woman’s life, they need to be able to stand on their own two feet. There is also nothing wrong with a mother loving her son. Yet when a mother cannot let go of her son and feels that he is a piece of property, which she owns and isn’t for sale – your dating life can be miserable. In the long term, your relationship WILL have trouble. Most of these mama’s boys have never learned to stand up for themselves and will not back you over their mother at any cause. You may even notice that early in the relationship. If you are constantly being dissed or corrected because of his mother, then you are certainly dating a mama’s boy. The dynamic of one of these men is so infantile and strong that you probably won’t be able to make many changes in him. Even if you do – they might be met with resentment. Nobody wants to be the division factor between someone they are dating. And supposedly, the most dangerous place to stand is between a mother and a child. Tenfold if it is a mother and a son!
Your best bet is to run far far away. Right now, it may not be a problem and you may even fantasize that once you become his wife, and wear his ring or bear his children the tides will change in your direction. Sadly, you will more than likely experience a deathly drought before this happens. If you can withstand the thirst and the man is worth it – forge ahead. However, if you aren’t up for the fight of your life, you should run! So, are YOU dating a mama’s boy?