25 Mar Dealing with Moody People – You Don’t Have to Be Nice to Them
We all know them. Some of us gave birth to them, while others of us are married to them. You may work for one or simply live next to one. Or one of these nuisances in your life could be one of your friends. Regardless – they are annoying, frustrating and can be a burden to your own version of personal happiness.
We are talking today, about the definite downs of dealing with moody people.
The problem is that passed the atypical moody teenage years, general crankiness in adults loses its appeal, or at the very least – it can start to become inexcusable. Frankly, there isn’t a person a live who doesn’t suffer some periods of moodiness, however for some folks, being cranky, is a perpetual habit which becomes a way of life, leaving those around them never quite knowing what to expect from moment to moment. So, how much do you have to put up with? Should you try to help this person snap out of their mood, or is it appropriate to accept these unstable creatures for what they are, and love them anyways? It really depends on the circumstances,
One of the reasons that teens and children are often so moody, is because they haven’t yet acquired the life skills that allow them to deal with their emotions. And it’s easy to make sacrifices for their moods because quite simply, mood stability is part of being socially responsible, which takes practice. However, some people NEVER seem to quite grasp the concept of ‘live and let live’ and are constantly focused on the negative, the bad, the ugly, and miserable in their lives. And of course, as humans, these people don’t want to suffer alone. So they are constantly grumbling and pouting about something, and subconsciously try to pass on their unhappiness to those around them. If you stand there and absorb it like a sponge, you too will become miserable and moody. Just like happiness is contagious…so is crankiness.
OR…they could simply be looking for sympathy. For many folks, moodiness is a useful tool of manipulation that allows them to control the people around them. And, if you are constantly giving it to your moody neighbor, spouse, or friend – chances are you are further enabling their moodiness and making ‘it’ work for them. The truth is, if you ignored them, told them to ‘get over it,’ and refused to become entangled in the moods – they would quickly realize that their mood manipulation didn’t provide them with the attentive results they want. They would likely move on, or at the very least realize that their moodiness is not accepted on your emotional turf.
And yes, moody people tend to want to be the center of attention, and are normally overwhelmingly self-absorbed. So much so, that they often fail to see how badly their moods affect others, or realize how others really feel about them. In many ways, by talking to your moody friend, and explaining to them that they are no fun to be around, and that you are tired of the constant whining – you could help them to snap out of it. Certainly, they will try to find other willing and able others to be their mood victims, but at least YOU won’t have to suffer the consequences. And quite honestly, a healthy dose of reality and a little ‘tough love’ may be just what they need to realize their moodiness has taken over their life.
Far too often, especially dependant upon the relationship you share with the moody person, people try to be politically correct and avoid, use distance, or deploy empathy to deal with the emotionally disturbed. By and large, most people feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone who is in a bad mood, and in order to avoid a scene or blow up- and to keep up the appearance of being compassionate, we indulge in the bad mood. But let’s be real! After a while, enough is enough. Especially if the person in question is someone, you love or care about – and definitely, if you feel that they try to use their moodiness as a means to control others around them.
Truth is, that quite often, perpetual moodiness is about bullying others. Emotional bullying is detrimental, confusing, downright mean and falls into the category of passive aggressive behavior that quite simply, YOU SHOULD AVOID being part of. No matter what. And retaliating with a healthy dose of his or her own medicine can be either a cure all or a deal breaker. Either way, you have to set yourself free from being manipulated by the moods of others, especially if you really do enjoy happiness in your life.
Many people have emotional addictions to moody folks. You may think that you can ‘fix’ the persons unhappiness, or may have such low self esteem yourself, that you subconsciously feel you deserve to be on the receiving side of the mood. Being around cranky folks then becomes your way of invoking sympathy and self-pity even if inwardly. If this seems to describe you, then you should seek help or counseling.
The bottom line is this. Everybody has good days and bad days. Each and every one of us will suffer from a bad mood from time to time. Occasionally moodiness is acceptable. However, if you or if someone you know, seems to be constantly bitching and whining, complaining and on the verge of an outburst, chances are they have some problems that your friendship isn’t going to solve. Being nice, trying to avoid the confrontation will only hurt you in the long run. At some point, when dealing with moody people, it is not just acceptable, but wise – to tell them with assertion that the high time has come for them to ‘put on their big person panties’ and start acting like an adult. Lest they lose you in their life. Life is definitely too short to constantly be walking on eggshells because of perpetually moody people.