He loves me.  He loves me not.  He loves me.  He loves me not.  He loves me? 

We’ve all been there.  Questioning whether or not that person that you’ve had your eye on for some time is feeling the same vibes that you are.  Men and women, young and old, go through some of the same feelings: a knotted stomach, clammy hands, and more than just a little anxiety when considering that one special person.  We love to be in love.  We love the emotions, the chase, and even sometimes, the games that everyone plays – whether we admit to it or not.

Playing the game of pursuit is one of the classic games for the ages.  It is not just about liking someone, but whether or not they like you, how much they like you, and what they are willing to do to break the ice (or what you are willing to do to break the ice).  It would be easy to say that you do this so that they do that and the end result is a match made in heaven.  Every relationship is different.  It depends on the person.  Some people are adventure seekers, willing to make the first move and put themselves out there even if rejection is a possibility.  Others sit back and wait weeks, months, sometimes even years before they have the nerve to reveal their feelings for another. 

Relationships are not a result of a simple equation.  If they were, life would be much too simple.  Instead, relationships require us to put ourselves out there; we risk being rejected, but on the other side of things, we risk missing out on something good.  There are people in every circle that miss out on an opportunity for the sole reason that they fear what they cannot control.  That’s where the adventure of relationships comes in: we don’t control all aspects of it or it would not be a relationship, but rather, more of a dictatorship. 

So, how do you make that love connection with someone who has recently caught your eye or someone who you have been eyeing for more time than you are willing to admit?  Get to know them, not just superficially, but deeply.  Offer up tidbits of information about yourself that are a little deeper than you would normally share with other acquaintances, but also remember that getting too deep right away may make you appear needy or just plain creepy.  However, listen to what the other person has to say and respond with intelligent questions that keep the conversation moving.  This helps them see that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and have the ability to stay focused on them.  Listening is attractive.  Most good relationships have an equal balance of give and take, listening and contributing.  Many people shy away from a date who talks too much about themselves.  This often makes the talker appear arrogant, self-involved, and overly confident.  Learning to divide your time between listening and talking is a beneficial trait.  If you wonder why you can’t get a second date, ask yourself if you can identify five things specific to the other person that doesn’t have to do with their appearance. 

It’s also a step in the positive direction if you can show that you have the ability to share common interests.  This allows conversations to keep running, and dates as well.  There is nothing worse than going on a second date and talking about the same things that you talked about on the first date.  Having a few shared interests is a great benefit.

So, hopefully having attracted someone that you fit with, a relationship can bloom.  The first few weeks of dating seem to bring out the best in both parties.  It is in these weeks that the highs and lows of dating are restricted to the highs.  The firsts of a relationship bring anticipation, excitement and a little anxiety.  Do you make the move or does he?  How and when should things happen?  Be at ease.  Most people feel a little awkward at first, but when it comes to a physical relationship, let things come naturally.  The chance of the other person feeling just as nervous as you may be is almost certain.  If you want something to last, don’t rush into anything.  Let the ‘relationship dance’ happen naturally.  Communicate about the things you like.  The things you don’t like.  Be yourself.  Be honest.  The worst surprise is finding out down the road that your partner is actually not interested in something you thought they were very much into, but also, be willing to compromise to accommodate the other person.  Give and take is important.

As we consider the give, let’s take a look at a day that has come to be one of the giving-est times of the year for couples, that is, Valentines Day.  It is refreshing in our world to be able to have a day devoted to love.  For people in a relationship that has begun to flourish or has been in full bloom for years, it can be enjoyable to give and to receive.  Of course, when we think of Valentines Day, we often think of the many cliché exchanges that occur: red roses, chocolates, and jewelry.  Not to be mistaken, most people enjoy receiving any of the following; however, it is also fun to get creative on Valentines Day. 

Here are a few ways to show that you are not as mundane as others may think you are: 

1. Plan a scavenger hunt for your significant other resulting in a romantic dinner, special gift, or re-creation of a special moment in your relationship. 

2. Treat your partner to something that they have an interest in, but you may not enjoy as much.  This allows them to see how much you really do care. (i.e. This will mean different things to different people, but tickets to the theatre or to a sporting event can be a nice treat.)

3. Make a present for the one you love.  This may sound cheesy, but showing that you are thoughtful enough to put something significant together that holds memories of your relationship is rather romantic and the possibilities are endless.

4.  No matter what you end up buying, making, or planning, always remember the importance of a card.  Women especially enjoy receiving cards, but it is mostly women who give cards.  The Greeting Card Association estimates that women buy and send approximately 85% of all Valentines Day cards.  So, men (and women) pick out a romantic, funny, or whatever kind of card fits your partner’s personality and let them know how much you care.  Don’t just let the card do the talking either, personalize it; say something meaningful inside as well.

The key to any of these suggestions is to be creative and have fun.  You don’t necessarily have to wait for Valentines Day to do something creative and fun.  Any day can be as special as you make it, but be certain to make Valentines Day an extra special one for the one that you love.