10 Aug Fighting with Teenage Daughters
An argument with a teenage girl can leave a parent exhausted and considering the benefits of boarding school. Girls by nature tend to be dramatic and complicated. They often lose their ability to adequately communicate when they are angry and can become irrational. These traits, while not indicative of every teenage girl in the world, are fairly common among most teenage girls. If your daughter can argue reasonably and without turning into someone you simply can’t recognize, then consider yourself extraordinarily blessed. If your daughter reverts into an alternate personality and can’t seem to string together basic logical reasoning, you can consider yourself just an average family.
Arguing is really nothing more than two or more individuals that are passionately presenting their viewpoint without being able to control their emotions. When emotions are high, poor listening skills are exacerbated and logical thinking is more difficult to obtain.
When a teenage girl becomes impassioned about something, she tends to feel her emotions deeply, whether it’s about staying out late at night or being the recipient of (in their opinion) an unfair punishment. Teenage girls are less able to maintain whatever level headed nature they may normally have. Reducing the friction around the tension of an argument is a tricky task.
Time outs are not just for little kids. Time outs are moments that we all need in order to get our emotions back under control in order to present ourselves better and maintain a level of reason in our thoughts and actions. As arguments escalate, there’s nothing wrong with insisting that both of you take a time out. A few moments by yourselves to restore your sense of order may very well play a vital role in resolving the situation sooner rather than later with many harsh words unspoken.
With some individuals, time outs tend to back fire. This is because instead of using the time to calm down they sit and self talk themselves into a stronger rage. They sit and fester on the issue as well as all the other issues they feel they are entitled to be angry about and by the time you try to speak with them again, they are ten times angrier than they were before.
Finding creative avenues to express the overload of emotions can lead to more productive communications. Teenagers are on constant overload. They are restricted to rigid schedules and high expectations and experience quite a bit of pressure and are often just one step from a dramatic outburst. Factor in an onslaught of foreign hormones and teenage girls are a time bomb of tightly wrapped emotions waiting to unravel. Teaching them to unload their emotions before they become overpowering can open up lines of communication that were once impossible and completely unexpected.
Encouraging teenage girls to express their emotions appropriately before they become overpowering and explosive is healthy for everyone involved. You will find yourself less likely to rip out your hair by the roots and they will learn more effective methods of communication. Everyone in the household will start to breathe easier as the constant turmoil begins to subside.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make with volatile teenage girls is backing off of limit setting for the sake of peace. While it is important to pick your battles, it is still important to maintain your parental role. The rules are still the rules and they still need to be enforced even when you are completely taxed and you know that disrupting the boat will cause a few fireworks. Maintaining your parental status will eventually get the message across that behaviors like yelling, cursing, door slamming, and pounding are not behaviors which produce results and only result in negative consequences. It will be difficult, especially when you are tired or stressed from other aspects of life, but it will be well worth it as you teach her to keep her emotions to a reasonable level of expression.
Effective arguing with teenage girls takes creativity and resilience. Arguing is not necessarily a bad thing, but losing control of emotions and becoming spiteful and hurtful is. Teenage girls need firm arguing boundaries. They need to grasp how to express their wide range of emotions without causing verbal harm to other individuals. Once they learn how to do that, their extraordinary passion will become an attribute.