This is a tricky one.
If a man’s not ready – emotionally and mentally – he’s not going to propose, unless you ask your sharp-shooting dad to do it for you. If we were experts at making men pop the $64 question, we’d be millionaires by now. It’s like asking a fortune teller to predict the next winning combination for the lottery jackpot.
We don’t have the magic formula, nor do we have the ability to read a man’s mind. Somehow though, some women are good at this. They’re into their sixth or seventh husband. These are the women who should be conducting nationwide seminars. It would be a standing room only symposium. To top their fees, these smart women would also deserve a standing ovation after they share their secrets.
The next best thing to making him propose is to make him WANT to propose, or at least lead him into thinking about it. Psyche him up is what we mean here. You have to break down that wall that’s separating the two of you. One way is to try to decipher his fears and anxieties. Then when you dispel those fears and melt those anxieties, you just might be able to perform the most stubborn of miracles. He’ll finally ask the question. With a glittering diamond to boot!
Will a Man Propose? – Read the Handwriting on the Wall!
Even if we aren’t mind readers, we should at least be able to de-mystify a man’s words and actions, often camouflaged in multiple layers. Some signs are more obvious than others. Others are like a tough calculus problem to solve.
Signs that the man you’re with is NOT ready
- He doesn’t talk of the future. He doesn’t share his ideas about family and children.
- He makes snide remarks about married couples. “I don’t know what they were thinking – getting themselves all tangled up in marriage like that.”
- When you show admiration for other people’s children, he’s cold and distant. The most you’ll get from him is a forced smile or a nod of the head. He won’t reach out to pat the little boy or girl on the head.
- He’s constantly harping on taking his career to the next level. “My job is the most important thing right now. I’ve got to do what I gotta do to advance in my career.”
- He balks when you ask him to escort you to a wedding reception. He’s uncomfortable and awkward all through the evening.
- If you ever mention the C word (commitment), he’ll change the subject immediately and instead mention the W word (weather).
- He’s spending his money with great abandon. To him a house and mortgage are two words that should be banned from the English dictionary. He likes to say, “I like my tiny apartment. It’s cozy.”
- It’s taking him longer than other men to grow up. At 35 years old, he still looks forward to his beer night or his poker night with his childhood buddies (even if they’re no longer available because they’re baby-sitting).
- He’s gregarious and the life of the party. He never seems to run out of things to say. But when the conversation is on family and relationships, he’s suddenly quiet and tongue-tied.
- Each time he upgrades his car, it’s always a sporty two-seater. He’s never interested in family sedans or station wagons.
- He has not once said, “I love you and want to spend the rest of my days with you.” Have you noticed this minor detail?
Signs that your man is ready
- You’re driving by a neighborhood and he says, “wouldn’t this be a great community to raise kids?”
- He’s educating himself about housing, mortgages, and financial planning for the future.
- He’s dropping not-so-subtle hints about how many children he’d like to have, how they should be disciplined, and what sports they should engage in (“I’d like my first born to be a tennis pro. I’ll make sure he gets the best coaching that money can buy.”).
- He’s been curious more than once about your views on marriage and children.
- He talks about his parents like theirs was a marriage made in heaven. It is, and he’d like the same for himself.
- He’s spending less time with the boys because he’d rather be with you.
- He’s looking at SUVs and station wagons and thinking of selling his tiny condo.
- He’s expressed an interest to open a joint account.
- He’s asked you to move in. When you ask him why, he says “oh, now, now…don’t get any funny ideas. I’m asking you to move in for the sake of convenience.” But you know better.
- You’re eating out less, and he’s cooking home-made meals. Or he’s asking you to make his favorite goulash.
- If you belong to a different religion, he’s dropping hints about converting, or asking you if you’d convert.
- He takes you to meet his parents. When you arrive in his parents’ place, there’s a large party waiting for you. The cousins and the great aunts and nieces and nephews want to give you the head-to-toe scrutiny (he’s probably asked them secretly to give him their personal assessment).
- He’s bending over the jewelry counters more often.
We think you’re getting our groove. But please, until the man has actually proposed to you with a ring, never assume you’ll end up happily ever after.
Are You a Runner, Walker or Jumper?
Why Some People Easily Get Proposed to While Others Have to Work Overtime
Dr. John Gray wrote an interesting book a long time ago called Mars and Venus on a Date (Harper Collins 1997) and he had a refreshing analysis of why some couples march to the altar straightaway and live happily ever after while some couples find that it takes them eons before they finally meet their soul mate.
Dr. John Gray says there are three styles of learning – or we’ll make that three types of learners: runners, walkers and jumpers. Dr. Gray says that these three styles apply to relationships. We see why some people are just a lot smarter in the dating game than others.
The runners, according to Dr. Gray, are naturally gifted, and because of this gift, they find success with the minimum of effort. In relationships, he says, “runners are those few who just meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after. They are the minority. Most of us are not runners.”
The second category of learners – the walkers – are where the majority of people are. They need to learn from each and every relationship before they can finally guess how members of the opposite sex act and think. They are sure but steady learners. They take the best and worst of every relationship and work on their weaknesses. Through patience and perseverance, they eventually hit the right chord.
The late bloomers are the jumpers. Many people, he says, are still unmarried in their 40s and 50s. To their friends and families, they seem to be going nowhere. A few observers will even think that they’re going backwards. But they’re not. If it looks like they’re not learning anything, they actually are – in their own quiet way. In relationships, jumpers marry long after their friends have married. Their maturity and slow-brewing talents finally reward them with a soul mate. You’ve heard older people say, “I didn’t really think I’d be tying the knot at my age. I had given up on finding Mr. Perfect, and then before I realized it, he was right there, standing in front of me. He sure was worth the wait.”
“I Can’t Stand it Anymore – Will this Guy Ever Propose?”
You’ve tried every trick in the book, and every love potion at the alchemist’s. You even invested a lot of money on pheromones. Nothing’s working. You’re frustrated. We don’t blame you.
As a last resort, why don’t YOU propose to him? It’s common currency these days – women asking men to get married. Some men are even so thrilled they say yes right away. “I didn’t think you’d be interested in spending the rest of your life with a bloke like me!”
So you see, men too are known to prefer waiting in the shadows. There’s a lot of shy ones out there!