First, realize that this article comes with a disclaimer. The references made to men, for obvious reasons; do not pertain to ALL men! If you are, or know a man, who doesn’t fit into this genetic generalization of a man’s ability to change – then be pleased with finding one of life’s rare gems. And no offense is intended, the article’s purpose is actually to help some of those hopelessly dedicated (yet gullible) women out there who just cannot seem to figure it out!
The question, can men really change has been asked time and time again. Whether you are married to or in a relationship with a man, it becomes apparent at some point that men and women are just plain different. They think differently about everything, they have opposite feelings about sex and relationships than women do, and they rarely, ever change for the sake of a woman. Sure, they might make amends from time to time, or may even compromise, especially if he knows the lady in his life is extremely upset or hurt, but change does not come easily to any creature, especially man.
At least not change in the relationship sense. It is true that all people grow with age, experience, and maturity. The problem is that waiting for someone to grow up, to act like the man you think they should be or to inflict enough pressure to make them change is done out of nothing more than self serving optimism. The truth is that people have to grow up on their own terms. And sometimes, it might take losing you in spite of themselves and in spite of your efforts, to be the catalyst to making them change. Sadly, this means that the fruits of your relationship labors will likely be eaten by someone else because by this point, you too have changed and are no longer okay with waiting around. And if you are still waiting, then aside from wasting a lot of time and energy, the raw truth is that you will be filled with so much anger and resentment for all YOU allowed yourself to be put through, that the relationship will be a living hell. There is no other way around it.
So why would you put so much belief in energy into the thinking that you can change your man? And more importantly, if there are so many things wrong with the man in your life, than why are you even half-willing to stick it out? Really, isn’t he making you miserable?
That is the problem with too many women. For numerous reasons they feel that they have to put up with other people’s crap. So many females live their lives as though they ‘enjoy’ being victimized. They reconcile the relationship or behave like heartbroken teenagers, when the reality is no one (especially the guy) is making them act this way. And truth be known, what if all his selfishness, idiosyncrasies and downright disgusting behaviors are actually something that YOU ENABLE. Or worse, what if this is his way of driving you off – yet you are standing around too stupid to see it for what it is? Men don’t like hurting women’s feelings, yet most of them often feel like they have no other choice but to behave as badly as possible to get the message through, that they just aren’t ready for whatever it is she wants from him. And yet, women stay to be victimized some more.
What will it take to get it through your thick head? You cannot change him! All you can do is change yourself.
And have you ever thought about the fact that there is no big reward waiting for you in Heaven or otherwise for allowing someone to treat you badly. Just because you stay, because you forgive, doesn’t make you a higher, superior, or even good person. It makes you stupid.
And why do women do this? Because THEY LOVE HIM! And this is precisely when the bullsh** card needs to be pulled! You don’t do this because you love him, you don’t allow him to buy you back with sweet cards or flowers after cheating because you love him. You don’t hop back into the sack with him even though he treats you like a booty call because you love him. You don’t put up with his drinking or him going out to bars because you love him. You do this because you don’t have enough confidence in yourself and cannot stand the fact that you might be wrong about this man. And you cannot stand the fact that he won’t validate YOU as a person by changing. Or worse, you figure that every relationship you have will just bring more of the same, so why not just stick it out, and see what happens.
The sad part is women are always the ones making excuses for the men in their life. They even take the blame for him cheating, or lying or staying out all night. Are women so desperate that they will do anything to keep their man?
Can men really change? Why should they? With so many women behaving like doormats, always forgiving and taking back, constantly willing to have make-up sex, and forever looking beyond his faults, no matter how bad they are, why should he change? By now, he has your number. He knows that when he screws up really bad, that there is always something he can do to get back into your good graces. And in the meantime, what you see as him screwing up, is in reality him just living out his life as he sees fit. With no consequences to speak of, he has full liberty to continue. And few people change what they are doing unless they realize the consequences of their actions. While that is more true men – it is ultimately true about everyone. You might as well spend your time trying to teach your cat to shake hands.
Next up, in the can men really change story is this. Men all over the world admit that they like the idea of these women waiting in the wings. They like knowing that they have someone who loves them in the background of their life. And while they may make small changes along the way, animate some pretty elaborate apologies and pretend to change just enough to give you incentive to hang in there, they aren’t going to change until they are truly, personally ready.
And if you are still wondering if men can really change; there is something else you should know. It does suck to know that the next woman in his life will benefit from your hardships. Leaving him, moving on, and taking care of your own happiness first and foremost will change him. But only when you are completely gone. It will be then and ONLY then, that he will realize you had something to teach him. It is then, that he might reread all those cards you gave him, or hear a song on the radio that you told him reminded you of him – and start thinking about just how great of a woman you were. He might even try very hard to see if he can land you in the bed one last time, just to prove to himself that you are still there. When he can’t, he will change. And his next relationship, while not perfect, will definitely have him acting more grown up and appreciative all because of you!
So as a female, instead of wondering if men can really change, spend your time seeking out those men who have already used, abused, and manipulated enough women that they have decided to change on their own free will. Look for men right from the get go, that take no prodding or convincing to be good. And yes, there are many of them out there. Sure, they probably treated their ex girlfriends like crap – but they will likely have learned from their mistakes meaning there will be less for you to try and change. Because ultimately, trying to change someone – no matter whom he or she is and regardless of how much you love him or her, never EVER works!
More importantly, be strong and confident as a female. Don’t ever use love as an excuse to putting up with anything! That is NOT what love or relationships are about. Men think differently than you do, and they believe that if you are willing to stay around and complain, but never really do anything about things – then all is well in the world. Men believe that if they can get you back in the bedroom, even after doing something wildly stupid – than everything is okay. And, they also at some level realize that if they are with someone who doesn’t have enough self worth, confidence and integrity to put their own needs and happiness in life first, than change really isn’t the worth the effort, because they don’t see you as a life mate. You aren’t what men really want. At least not right now. And this, my friend, is no one’s fault but your own.
At some point, life changes everyone. Even men. But remember, if you are spending your life with someone that you want to see become someone different, you really aren’t in love. In fact, the relationship is already doomed. If you are in a relationship, where you think you can change your man ask yourself this. Do you want to spend your precious time, love, and energy training him to be perfect for his NEXT girlfriend, or do you want to be with someone who has already been trained? Move on!