First Night After Marriage


So, what do you think of your decision to get married now? Now that the wedding ceremony is over and the guest have retreated to their own homes – are you glad you said I do, or are you living with a sense of buyer’s remorse? Oh, and how about that first night marital sex? Was it everything you expected as well?

The first night after marriage can be filled with a tremendous amount of mixed emotion. For many people, it is a relief knowing that all the craziness of planning and attending a wedding are over with. If you and your new spouse made it through that without a hitch, consider yourself lucky! Now the real fun begins.

For many others, they aren’t worried about the wedding or the marriage, but how things will go the first night of marriage. Obviously, if you haven’t had sex with your partner yet – marital sex is a long time ritual of the first night after vows. But how many couples actually wait to have sex until they are married? According to statistics, the trend has not changed much in the past 50 years. By the age of 20, it is estimated that around 75% of all unmarried people have lost their virginity. For people waiting until they are older to tie the wedded knot of bliss, this number jumps to an astounding 95%. But is this number so astounding?

For many people with high hopes of waiting till marriage to have sex, it seems that the older they get – the less chances they have of this becoming a reality. In fact, around 81% of people over the age of 33 are no longer virgins. Apparently, the federally funded abstinence programs are not working as indicated, and neither are a lot of religious rhetoric designed to target youths who may be sexually active.

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of these studies is that these numbers have remained steady since the 1940’s. The difference is that social expectations and morals have changed – making people more honest about their sexual past up till the first night of marriage. In many ways, sex is such an important part of marriage that it just makes sense for people to want to experiment with someone they love, prior to saying I do. What happens if you wait and you and your partner are completely incompatible in the bedroom? While counselors say that these problems can be worked through – the truth is it can be a major factor in both infidelity and divorce.

Still, just because you and your partner have made love before, doesn’t mean the first night of marriage isn’t special. Long gone are the days when the women was little but a passive party to the throws of love making. Sex today is a mutual act where both parties are entitled to seeking pleasure and satisfaction from the act. Practicing before marriage helps to ensure that couples are both compatible and comfortable with one another in a sexual manner. However, the decision to abstain or not – is one that is completely personal to each and every couple.

One rising trend of couples is to abstain from sex once the engagement is announced. This way couples can create a major build up of anticipation that lasts for several months and ends on the wedding night. This can be a beautiful way for couples to reenact the uniqueness and intimacy of the first night after marriage. At the same time, this also helps couples to feel connected and committed in the absence of a relationship that is sexual in nature. Knowing that two people can be compatible without sex, is just as important as knowing they are compatible sexually. Why? Because as marriage progresses, sex often decreases. For most couples, sex can declines by as much as 804 within the first year. Millions of couples are living in sexless marriages – defined as having sex less than 5 times per year. And even more are suffering from finding the happy medium to keeping passion alive during the good times and bad in a marriage.

The bottom line is that well beyond the first night of marriage; sex will be a hot button issue in your marriage. Yes, the first night should be very special – however far too many people have unusually high expectations for their honeymoon, which can be the first shadow of doubt about sex and marriage. The best thing for couples to do is to realize that they won’t always feel as passionate and sexually stimulated as they do on the first night of marriage. Remember those feelings and savor them. Try to see that sex and marriage are gentle partners affected by the ebb and flow of life as wildly as the tides. This way, whether the tide goes in or out – the two of you will be able ride the wave.

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