Do you remember the grade school lesson with a tube of toothpaste? The teacher would slowly squeeze out the toothpaste, and when the tube was empty, they’d ask a smiling, unsuspecting student to put it back in. As the student struggled to stuff the minty paste back into the tube (which is impossible, by the way), the teacher used the experiment as a metaphor for words. The lesson? Once words leave your mouth, you can never take them back—just like you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube.
Apparently, many people missed this lesson in school. Sadly, some of these individuals have become parents. How do I know? Because parents often say some of the most thoughtless things to their children.
Common Phrases to Avoid
- “Stop Acting Like a Girl!” This phrase is often directed at young boys when they’re perceived as being overly emotional or weak. It’s problematic on many levels. For one, it implies there’s something wrong with being a girl, reinforcing stereotypes that girls are only “girly.” Parents should avoid saying this, especially around daughters, as it devalues femininity. It also perpetuates the harmful idea that emotions are unacceptable, pressuring boys to suppress feelings to appear strong or “brutish.” This phrase is simply wrong.
- “You’re Just Like Your Father/Mother!” Since your child shares DNA with both parents, it’s natural they might resemble one of them. However, using this phrase negatively—especially if you view the other parent as a “loser”—can make your child feel like you’re criticizing them too. Instead of shaming them for traits they can’t control, embrace their similarities to both parents as a natural part of who they are.
- “This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You.” Often said before a spanking or punishment, this is rarely true. Physical discipline or taking away privileges, like a teen’s phone for a month, hurts the child far more. Claiming otherwise undermines their feelings and can make them question your sincerity.
- “Because I Said So!” While this phrase may seem harmless, it shuts down curiosity and critical thinking. If you can’t explain your reasoning, reconsider your stance. For example, instead of dismissing a teen’s question about avoiding risky behaviors with “Because I said so,” offer a memorable reason, even if it’s exaggerated, to drive the point home.
- “I Brought You Into This World, I Can Take You Out!” This dramatic threat can make parents sound unhinged and scare children unnecessarily. It’s best left unsaid.
- “Chocolate in the Morning Will Give You Worms.” This might be a quirky lie some parents tell to discourage unhealthy breakfast choices, but it’s a silly thing to say. Honesty about nutrition is a better approach.
- “Do You Want a Spanking?” This rhetorical question assumes no child would ever want punishment, yet it’s confusing and intimidating. It’s better to address behavior directly.
- “Wait Until Your Dad/Mom Gets Home.” This phrase signals that you lack authority to discipline your child and shifts responsibility to the other parent. It can also make children fear the returning parent. Plus, revisiting a morning misbehavior hours later is unproductive—address issues in the moment and move on.
- “If You Don’t Wear Your Seat Belt, the Cops Will Put You in Jail.” Scaring children into compliance by portraying police as threats is harmful. Instead, teach them that officers are there to help and emphasize the importance of safety without fearmongering.
- “Stop Crying or I’ll Give You Something to Cry About.” This intimidating phrase dismisses a child’s emotions and escalates tension. It’s akin to bullying and should be avoided.
Of course, there are countless other thoughtless things parents say. Children may not always pick up on sarcasm or context and might take these words to heart. When angry, it’s easy to say something hurtful, but parenting should never involve bullying, undermining, or intimidating children. Remember the toothpaste lesson: once words are spoken, they can’t be taken back. Choose them wisely and happy parenting!
