It’s universal: men often struggle to say what they mean and mean what they say (unless it pertains to sex). Sometimes, silence can be a man’s best friend, but when it comes to communicating with women, silence can also say too much. So how can these communicatively challenged men stay out of trouble? Here are the top 10 Freudian slips to avoid saying to your wife, especially if it’s her time of the month.
- “Are you wearing that?” If the one who wears the pants in the family emphasizes the word “that” in this statement, rest assured he will be in trouble. Asking, “Are you wearing that?” implies that he dislikes her outfit, thinks she has gained weight, believes she is dressing inappropriately, or simply doesn’t think she looks good in her chosen clothes. A word to the wise: if you’re about to head out the door for a special event and you utter this faux pas, you’re going to be late!
- “Do you wanna have sex?” Really, guys?! Remember when you used to take the time to romance your partner? After a few years of marriage, suddenly blurting this out feels like reporting the weather. It’s definitely a mood killer and not the best way to get the romantic juices flowing. By now, she knows what you want, so try to play it cool and at least pretend that foreplay is part of the plan—even if it only lasts a few minutes!
- “What’s for dinner?” This little catchphrase often pops up hours before dinner is even served. Why is it important? Who cares about dinner when you haven’t had lunch yet? Asking instead of just getting something out of the fridge insinuates (whether intentional or not) that you assume your wife will cook. Even if she cooks seven nights a week, this assumption could get you in trouble.
- “Are you on your period?” In many couples, a strange phenomenon occurs: whenever a woman has a complaint, she’s often accused of being on her period. The truth is, it isn’t always menstrual cycles that irritate women; sometimes, it’s the men! If your partner is already a bit annoyed with you, asking if she’s on her period will only make things worse. Women can be discontent at times during the month for reasons unrelated to menstruation—especially if they are married to men!
- “Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do I!” So you’re lost—big deal. Unless you want a GPS system for Father’s Day, you should stop and ask someone for help. Women don’t like being lost because it makes them feel out of control, even for a few minutes! Defending your inability to navigate is just irritating.
- “Do you think she’s pretty?” If your wife asks this, brace yourself. Women are perceptive and know when someone is attractive. If you say yes, this person will become a point of contention in your marriage. Your wife may later say, “Well, maybe you should have married Sara since she’s so much prettier than me!” The only safe answer here is a casual head nod, accompanied by an “Ah, she’s all right” response. Sure, your wife will know you’re lying, but who cares? For the record, saying something clichéd like “not as pretty as you” or outright ignoring the question will only make matters worse!
- “Should I/we ask my mother?” This one is especially true if you’ve recently become a parent. Your wife doesn’t want her mother-in-law involved in your discussions, and she definitely doesn’t want you running to your mom every time something comes up—or ever!
- “Have you gained weight?” This one should be self-explanatory. If you have to ask, it likely means she has gained weight—and she definitely doesn’t want to be reminded of it, especially since you’re sporting your own man boobs and can’t blame childbirth!
- Any talk about ex-girlfriends or ex-wives is unnecessary. Even the most secure women don’t want to hear that you miss your ex-girlfriends meatloaf.
- “What have you been doing all day?” If you have a stay-at-home wife/mother, this is a big mistake. Chances are, she has done more than you did all day while managing household tasks, wiping bottoms, dealing with other people’s snot, and constantly cleaning, cooking, and entertaining. Throw in a comment about why she looks like she just woke up, and you can forget about intimacy for a while!
