We experience many transitions in our lives. Whether they are exciting or painful, transitions are disruptive. They force us out of our comfort zone, upend our routines, and leave us feeling scattered and stuck as we try to keep ourselves and our kids’ lives from falling apart amidst the chaos.
When a relationship changes within a family, whether through divorce, separation, or breakup, the transition that occurs can unravel any sense of balance we may have established as parents before the shift.
If we need to uproot our family and move, we experience a transition. The loss of a loved one causes us to experience a painful transition, whereas the birth of a child is a joyous one. We may lose our job or decide to make a career change, bringing on another transition. We might experience an accident, a change in family dynamics, or decide to return to school.
Whether the transition is one we deem positive or negative, they are likely paired with some intense emotions. This is made all the more challenging within a family unit, as we are all experiencing the transition both together and individually. Each family member navigates transitions differently.
When the situation has a more painful or negative charge to it, such as losing a job, going through a divorce, or the death of a loved one, the voice of fear can grow louder within us, especially as parents.
One of the most common transition points in our society is the midlife crisis, when someone between 40 and 60 experiences an abrupt crisis of identity and self-confidence. This period instead, can mark a wonderful time for reinvention if we see the opportunity in it.
Transition is change and change is a constant.
Transitions can lead us to become distracted by our overpowering emotions and send our goals and daily responsibilities spiraling off track. However, transitions also present opportunities. Opportunities present themselves to adrenalize and move past feeling stuck and paralyzed by change. We can reexamine our values, clarify our direction, redefine our goals, and clear space for new beginnings.
I recently came across this unknown quote: “If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.” What a powerful quote that possesses so much meaning, especially when using it to reframe significant relationship changes.
Here are three components required for adrenalized living during a transition:
1. Be intentional in evaluating what no longer serves you. During a time of transition, it is an opportunity to let go of the old to make room for the new. You must regain focus on what is good for you. You may hold on to things that continue to serve, but let go of the things or the people that are no longer serving a purpose in your life.
- Be courageous to re-establish your control. You control which people will continue to be part of your life. You decide what is best for you. No one else can know what is best. The thing we always control is how we respond to situations.
- Be grateful for what you have received and the gift of the people in your life. Gratitude is the key to letting go of things with love. Acknowledgement and appreciation for the lessons learned is a key to living adrenalized.
Oftentimes, we are afraid of the road ahead and stuck in our comfort zone. Parents especially can often fall into survival mode when edging outside of our comfort zone due to our best intentions of building stability for our kids.
However, remember to recognize that the transition you face is happening for you – not to you. It’s time to grow, but first, you need to weed out that which does not serve you or your family anymore.
If you are separating or divorcing, let go and recognize it’s time to focus on yourself to find out who you are in this next chapter. It is a beautiful opportunity to explore what will serve you so you can step into the best version of yourself.
If you are at a turning point in your business and others are holding you back, let go of those who are not supporting you. Most likely, they have fired themselves. Letting them go is the best way to release anger and resentment from building up within you.
If you have just become a parent and are struggling with the adjustment, let go of the preconceived notions that you held before about being a parent. Stay present and let the current situation inform you as you write a new story.
You have control. You hold the scissors.
Let go of everything in gratitude and love rather than disappointment and anger. Everything you do role-models a way of being for your kids. Show them you can process your emotions as they arise while also staying rooted in your deep trust in life. Change is something we must all grow familiar with. You can teach them how to navigate it by embodying your own self-trust, self-love, and willingness to move on.
Tom Marino is a highly respected thought-leader, success strategist, speaker, and author. After a period of personal transformation, he founded Monarch Life Coaching, LLC to help high achievers navigate seasons of transition by recognizing the power of their choices. His book, Bridge to Change, documents the simple process of transformation that he believes catalyzes greater appreciation and enthusiasm in our lives. He is the host of The Adrenalized Life Podcast and the Tom Marino Radio Show on 103.9FM LI News Radio. Tom works with people across the U.S. to help them overcome burnout and live adrenalized. Contact him by visiting www.tommarino.com, on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.