Moving in together is a significant milestone for any relationship. If you have decided to take this step, you are joining the majority of people between the ages of 18 and 44 who live with a partner. While this is a beautiful thing, it can also be challenging and anxiety-inducing. Because of this, there are some important things you need to know and consider before taking this huge step.
Why You Are Moving in Together
A lot of people move in together to save money or because it is the natural trajectory for a romantic relationship. However, it is important to dig deeper and ask yourself whether this is the best decision for the stage you and the relationship are at.
Thinking about what you find meaningful in your partner and relationship will help you answer this question. Also, think about whether it is the right time and whether it benefits your relationships in other ways than the two mentioned above.
Individual Traits and Standards
You and your partner likely have different traits and standards that dictate how you live. It is important to make a list of topics of individual traits and routines that your partner should discuss.
An important conversation to have is about sleep. Most new couples are excited about sleeping next to each other and forget how their partner can interfere with their sleep. For example, one partner might prefer sleeping earlier while the other prefers watching a TV show before bed.
Another important discussion surrounding sleep is whether your partner snores. Snoring can be incredibly disruptive and while you likely will not mind it at the start, if it irritates you, it will only get worse. Because of this, you should find a solution for their loud snores as early as possible. Remember to involve them in the process so they do not feel ambushed.
Another important conversation to have is about sex and intimacy. Sex and intimacy will change as you live together, and you should have this discussion so you both know how to proceed when it happens. Broadening what you consider intimacy can help make these conversations easier when these changes happen.
How You Both Handle Finances
Finances are one of the most important things to talk about before moving in together — specifically, what views your partner has pertaining to finances and how you will handle them together. The conversation should not only be about how you will handle different expenses, investments, emergencies, and the like, but also about the insecurities any of you have surrounding finances.
It is also important to talk about who pays for what, how to handle savings, and how to plan for the future. It is healthy to have these discussions as early as possible as it helps ensure finances do not cause a power dynamic imbalance in the future.
How You Both Handle Silence
If you are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, you are likely talking to your partner all the time. However, this phase will end, and you will have moments of silence in the relationship. Consider how you handle being lazy and unenergetic at times and how your partner handles it too. Some people feel ignored and rejected if their partner does not talk to them for some time, while others need some quiet from time to time. Whether you are comfortable or uncomfortable with silence, this is something you should discuss with your partner and know how they handle it too.
There is a lot of evidence, scientific and anecdotal, that shows which discussions people should have before moving in together. There are also some things to consider that might not be an issue now but can become problematic as you continue living together. Ironing out these issues beforehand can help make moving in and living together easier.
