5 Ways to Use Tone of Voice to Develop Intimacy and Encourage Healing

Our tone of voice reveals our intentions, wisdom, and heart. We can care for ourselves and others better if we can accurately use our tone of voice to express our essential needs and emotions. 

What is tone of voice?

It’s how you speak to another person, in sound and often with hidden meaning. It’s the way you express yourself. It reflects our innermost motivations, reactions, character, and wisdom, even when we aren’t aware of our wisdom or don’t have access to it yet.

Is there a way we can go inside ourselves to learn how to convey our tone of voice in a way that creates benefit? The idea is to impact our attitude and learn to contemplate our intention. What do we truly want to convey?

Honing your tone of voice requires practice, discipline, and sincerity. We may need to repeat it again and again to generate an open, understanding, and evolved attitude. This takes in-depth inner work.

Why working on your tone of voice is an opportunity and a blessing

Truly recognizing the importance of our tone of voice can support us in putting out clearer messages, especially when we experience mixed emotions. Not only does it invite us to contemplate how we want to address specific issues with what we say, it also allows us to convey our message with a sincere tone.

Understanding our tone of voice is not something we should feel pressured about. Ideally, this curiosity towards making it clearer and beneficial stems from your own sincerity and innocence. It comes from a place of respect and understanding that we need to increase our capacity for self-observation and pivot toward our best intentions and qualities.

Virtually all of us have areas that we need to develop more sensitivity towards. When dealing with intense feelings in these areas, it’s essential for you to pay attention to your tone.

Here are five ways to practice accurately communicating through your tone of voice.

  1. Work on identifying your emotion and try pinpointing the essential need you’re asking for support.
  2. Record your voice to see how you sound. In the era of voice notes, you can do this to check if your tone supports your message.
  3. Try to be objective and put yourself in the shoes of the listener. Do they have the same context you do?
  4. Take note of how your tone of voice changes depending on who you’re talking to. It’s common for many of us to be more sensitive to acquaintances than the people we’re closest to. This might seem counterintuitive, but when we’re very close to someone, it often leads to expressing more reactive emotions and tones because we are more attached to them.
  5. Understand that sometimes you can do everything in your capacity to convey your feelings in the right tone of voice, but the other person may still feel aggrieved. This is especially true for those who grew up in situations where they were blamed for most things. Or perhaps you might even think your tone of voice is inaccurate or too harsh, but that’s because you tend to self-blame.

This kind of sincere interest and desire to communicate better is a great source of love, innocence, and intimacy. It is also an excellent way to do damage control for persistent patterns that aren’t pleasant or conflictual.

It’s important to consciously do this instead of just going through the motions. Our challenging tones don’t often change because they are based on a series of distorted perceptions and beliefs. It is necessary to really make the inner changes to alter our tone of voice really effectively.

The stakes are high when it comes to our tone of voice and what we express to others. When you are inspired and interested in the connection between your tone of voice and your quality of life, you can also care better for yourself and others. Your tone of voice reveals your intentions, emotions, and heart, so it’s a potential gold mine in getting to know and express yourself better.

Identifying which tones of voice appear most frequently and the challenging feelings they are paired with can lead to greater intimacy and reduce fights from escalating. Taking a moment to think about the way you want to convey your frustration, anger, or a similar difficult feeling, can help you demonstrate caring, honesty, and your needs. It leads to a more connected and peaceful outcome for yourself and others. 

Robert Strock practiced psychotherapy for 45 years. He is a distinguished teacher, author, and humanitarian. His unique insights are shared through a comprehensive selection of online videos, blogs, and guided meditations at AwarenessThatHeals.org. Robert’s work resonates with anyone seeking inner peace and a compassionate engagement with the world. He co-founded a non-profit organization, TheGlobalBridge.org, to innovate, create alternatives for underprivileged communities, and develop initiatives to combat the climate crisis. For more information and media requests, visit  www.RobertStrock.org.



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