Raising a Confident Daughter in an Uncivil World
Raising a daughter who is confident, well-mannered, and has a positive self-image is not easy—especially in today’s uncivil world. Growing up, I wasn’t the most confident person, but I’ve come a long way since struggling with my own confidence. As a mother of a 13-year-old daughter, I know that she watches everything I do, say, and wear. I am very careful about the impression I leave on her every single day.
As a corporate trainer who teaches how to build confidence through communication, etiquette, and image, my hope is to instill a sense of self-worth in her. For a young teen to feel good about herself is an accomplishment in itself, and I want her to have a better experience than I did during those trying middle and high school years.
When I was growing up, my parents supported me in everything I was involved in. My father was my basketball, softball, and volleyball coach, and they never missed a game or activity. But I was often the target of bullying because I was the “coach’s kid,” which wasn’t always easy. My daughter doesn’t play sports, but she is very active in music, dance, and theatre, and I can see her confidence building through these activities. It fills me with excitement and pride every day.
Kids want their parents to see them succeed. They want you at their sporting events, choral concerts, and other activities. It makes them feel good when you acknowledge their accomplishments. I praise her at every possible opportunity.
My daughter knows who is popular and who isn’t, and who is smart and who isn’t. But treating everyone with kindness and respect—no matter what they look like, who they are, or what they’ve done—is an important aspect of learning confidence and good etiquette. These are the qualities of confidence that should be praised, not just how we look.
Ways to Raise Confident Daughters
There is no one way to teach confidence, but here are some methods to help raise your daughters into bright, successful, and confident women:
Model Confident Behavior
Always be aware of how you act and speak, as your daughter will look to you as an example. Girls are influenced at a very young age, so be careful! When she sees you as confident, she is more likely to be that way herself.
Body Image and Your Body Language Speak Volumes
Girls pick up on this immediately. Be mindful and careful about what you say about your own body. I may not like the way jeans fit or how I look in a swimsuit, but make sure you are not too critical of yourself in front of her. Discuss healthy food choices and keep snacks around the house to encourage healthy eating.
Don’t Complain About Needing to Go on a Diet or Lose Weight
It will only encourage her to criticize her own body. Show her that by being comfortable with your body—no matter what size or shape you are—you will help your daughter feel confident in her own skin.
Self-Image Perspective
Your daughter’s self-worth should not be tied to her appearance. Teach her to respect her body by how she dresses it. Praise her for her kindness, determination, and positive qualities. My daughter prefers to fit in with the others and not stand out too much. Many girls in middle school want to experiment with makeup and wear clothing that may be too revealing. Show her how what she wears is directly associated with how she is perceived by others. Dressing for success starts at a young age.
Self-Worth Is Not About Accomplishments
It’s always easy to praise her accomplishments, but it’s even more important to show her that hard work and determination are just as valuable. This is crucial for her success later in life. Perseverance and facing challenges build character. We live in a world today where everyone gets a medal and there are no losers in sports, but this is not the real world. You get the job, or you don’t. You sell the product, or you don’t. We don’t win every time. It’s how you handle defeat that builds self-worth and character.
Support Her Passions
If she loves a sport or the flute, support it! Encourage her to try new things and explore other activities. If your daughter doesn’t seem to show an interest in anything, try something together! Take guitar lessons together or go for walks or jogging. You never know what might spark her interest.
Monitor Social Media
This can be difficult, as young girls are often captivated by what they see and read on social media platforms. Their phones are often their best friends. Monitor their Snapchat and Instagram accounts. My own daughter has limits on her social media usage, and I stick to it—no phone after 7 p.m.
A daughter who is confident in herself and her abilities will be less troubled by peer pressure, social environments, and will be less concerned with her appearance.
Treva Graves is passionate about the work she does, specializing in professional training and business development. As a corporate communication coach, image, and etiquette expert, she travels locally and nationally, speaking about how to present your best self. This leads to greater confidence and success, both personally and professionally. Treva loves Starbucks, wine tasting, and dining with her “foodie” friends.
