The aftermath of a loss brings a response that your life has changed overnight. What you once took for granted on how to function day to day now seems like a completely new reality without instructions. Self-care routines and ways to ground yourself seem unattainable even though that’s the message your family and friends are encouraging you to follow. Your mind and your thoughts have been replaced by a type of fog that makes the simplest of tasks feel daunting. It’s no wonder that turning inward and disconnecting yourself from your world seems like the only rational option.
While some time alone is natural after a loss, you can quickly interpret this state as a punishment and something deserved that then sends your mind a message that you’ve done something wrong. To cross the bridge from isolation to belonging, here are 3 ways to recognize and then embrace the support that is not only being offered to you but that also exists in abundance.
1. Gather Around for a Meal Together
It has become a rather automatic response in the face of tragedy and loss that meals are made, frozen, and then transported to an individual’s home. This generous act provides many crucial elements of care, but it falls short of one essential element. Food is meant to be eaten and enjoyed together, and dropping off meals denies you of the numerous advantages of human contact. Homemade meals are so much more appreciated and memorable, much like a homemade gift is much more thoughtful. So if you’re offering to make food for someone, why not call and ask what time they would like to eat dinner with you instead? And if someone is asking if you would like meals to be dropped off at your house, why not accept and ask if they’ll join you? Sharing a meal with someone who has experienced a loss provides healing nourishment for their body and their soul. It tells them you are able to hold space for their pain as well.
2. Community and Perspective
Consider the basic premise of community service. You join an organization focused on alleviating the hardship of a sector of individuals merely by giving your time and carrying out some kind of task. You collaborate with other strangers who have selflessly decided to show up and help.
After experiencing any type of loss, volunteering your time with any agency contributes to two benefits that are fundamental to healing. The first is being around other humans who recognize the impact that community and compassion provide. It’s a tangible reminder that even in trying circumstances there are kind people. The second benefit is that simply by being around others who also know the pain of loss, the perspective you have on your own will be altered. Sorrow and grief are universal experiences that bind us all together. Working with other people on a common goal and expecting nothing in return is one of the most powerful acts humans perform.
3. Your Public Library
The public library in my town of Austin Texas is such an extraordinary place. In June of this year it was named one of TIME’s 25 buildings that represent America, and author Eric Klinenberg stated it serves among other things as “an antidote to social isolation”. It is a welcoming space that provides so many opportunities for growth, learning and connection at no cost. When I travel I find that public libraries are often a proud accomplishment in many cities and towns. You can find a strong sense of belonging and acceptance when you spend any time in a library. It is a safe and accommodating environment to find some solace and ease in your week.
