Trapped in a Marriage – What Can you Do?

It always starts out as a fairy tale. The event and the relationship are filled with so many expectations and such promise, with both partners thinking they will be the lucky ones. Divorce, strife, arguing, and unhappiness won’t happen to them!

But a few years down the road, the newness and excitement wear off. Life comes crashing in, and two people are often left helplessly separated, lonely, unhappy, and unable to make things work. They would leave—but they can’t. Finances, kids, family pressure, and confusion can make any couple feel trapped in a marriage forever. Each day thereafter is a mixture of “if only” thoughts and regret. No one knows for sure what the future holds for a couple, and none of us truly realizes how life will change us—and the relationship—as time moves on.

Feeling trapped in a marriage is a frustrating experience. You don’t want to disappoint each other, don’t want to get into a battle over the children, and feel uncertain about the future if a separation happens. So, you stay. You imagine that maybe one day—perhaps when the kids are grown—you can escape, not realizing that you’re committing to giving up your happiness for a long stretch of time.

While every person deserves to be happy, far too many are not. They remain bound to people and circumstances in their lives that they feel powerless to escape.

The Courage to Let Go

Ending a marriage can often be a blessing in disguise. As cloudy as the future may seem while you’re thinking about it, you probably don’t realize that things will work out in time. When you decide to stay with someone for the wrong reasons, you’re sabotaging your own freedom, creativity, happiness, and joy—and may eventually become someone who is bitter, cold, and angry.

Your reasoning may feel justified, but you have to understand that letting go may actually be the best thing for everyone involved.

Statistics show that children of divorce do remarkably well as long as the divorce is amicable and the parents act reasonably mature. These children often do far better than those who witness a lifetime of parental disagreement. Kids are miraculously adept at noticing every shred of animosity and unhappiness their parents are feeling. You may think you’re hiding it well, but in the eyes of your children, you are not.

In fact, when you break free from an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, you may rediscover the person you used to be—the one who laughs easily and understands that life is meant to be lived well. That’s the person your children and loved ones want to see, and the person you want to be remembered for.

Being afraid to leave “for the children” is really just a crutch adults cling to in order to justify their indecision. Chances are, you’ll be a better parent when you’re a happier person.

Another aspect of feeling trapped in a marriage is the fear of others’ expectations. That’s why so few admit to problems in their relationships and act as if everything in their world is perfect. Then, suddenly, you hear about this “perfect” couple divorcing, and the outside world is shocked.

There is no reason to be afraid to talk about your marriage with people who care about you. If more were honest about the realities of marriage, perhaps younger couples would be better prepared. Being afraid or feeling ashamed that a relationship didn’t work out is not a valid reason to stay.

Yes, people may be surprised or even upset, and there will be those who—for morality’s sake or their own reasons—try to convince you to work it out. Nevertheless, unhappiness can change you so drastically, making you feel so helpless, that it’s simply not worth living with.

There are plenty of married couples who actually get along better when they are no longer in a relationship. If you are staying for financial reasons, you must trust that your future is still bright.

While feeling trapped, grief, resentment, and negative thoughts can make the future seem bleak. However, once you break free, optimism can return just as quickly as the sun after a rainstorm. When your heart and soul are filled with happiness and relief, you’ll start to see endless financial possibilities.

It’s always hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re standing in the middle of it. But if you keep moving forward, the light is always there. It takes courage to reach it—but the journey is worth it.

You should also realize that if you feel trapped and unhappy, your partner probably feels the same way. Starting that conversation may be difficult, but it can be done. You may be surprised to find that your partner wants out too, or is even willing to make changes to salvage the relationship.

Marriage often becomes complacent, with both partners guilty of not giving their best. Sometimes, being too afraid to talk about the real issues and living in misery makes it impossible to move forward together. But by bringing those feelings into the open and trusting that the right outcomes will follow, you can live a life that doesn’t feel like a hidden version of jail.

Many people are surprised at how well they do, how much better the relationship becomes, and how much lighter they feel once they take that first brave step. Feeling trapped in a marriage is rarely an unchangeable reality—most often, it’s just a temporary perception of your life.