We all know them. Some of us gave birth to them, while others are married to them. You may work for one or simply live next to one. One of these nuisances in your life could even be a friend. Regardless, they are annoying, frustrating, and can burden your pursuit of personal happiness.
The Downsides of Dealing with Moody People
The problem is that past the typical moody teenage years, general crankiness in adults loses its appeal—or at the very least, it becomes inexcusable. Frankly, everyone experiences periods of moodiness, but for some, being cranky is a perpetual habit that becomes a way of life. This leaves those around them uncertain of what to expect from moment to moment. So, how much should you tolerate? Should you try to help this person snap out of their mood, or is it better to accept these unstable individuals for who they are and love them anyway? It depends on the circumstances.
Understanding and Addressing Moodiness
One reason teens and children are often moody is that they haven’t yet acquired the life skills to manage their emotions. It’s easier to make allowances for their moods because emotional stability is part of being socially responsible, which takes practice. However, some people never seem to grasp the concept of “live and let live” and are constantly focused on the negative, the bad, the ugly, and the miserable in their lives. As humans, these individuals don’t want to suffer alone, so they grumble and pout, subconsciously trying to spread their unhappiness to those around them. If you absorb it like a sponge, you too may become miserable and moody. Just as happiness is contagious, so is crankiness.
Alternatively, they might simply be seeking sympathy. For many, moodiness is a tool for manipulation, allowing them to control those around them. If you consistently give in to your moody neighbor, spouse, or friend, you may be enabling their behavior, making it “work” for them. If you ignore them, tell them to “get over it,” and refuse to engage with their moods, they may realize that their manipulation doesn’t yield the attention they seek. They might move on or, at the very least, understand that their moodiness isn’t welcome in your emotional space.
Moody people often crave attention and can be overwhelmingly self-absorbed, failing to see how their moods affect others or how others perceive them. By talking to your moody friend and explaining that their constant whining makes them unpleasant to be around, you might help them snap out of it. They may seek other willing targets for their moods, but at least you won’t bear the consequences. A healthy dose of reality and “tough love” might be exactly what they need to recognize that their moodiness has taken over their life.
Far too often, especially depending on your relationship with the moody person, people try to be politically correct, using avoidance, distance, or empathy to cope with the emotionally unstable. Most feel uncomfortable around someone in a bad mood and, to avoid a scene or maintain the appearance of compassion, indulge the behavior. But let’s be honest—after a while, enough is enough. This is especially true if the person is someone you love or care about, or if they use their moodiness to control others.
The truth is, perpetual moodiness often equates to emotional bullying. This detrimental, confusing, and downright mean passive-aggressive behavior is something you should avoid at all costs. Responding with a taste of their own medicine can either be a cure or a dealbreaker. Either way, you must free yourself from being manipulated by others’ moods, especially if you value happiness in your life.
Some people have emotional addictions to moody individuals. You might believe you can “fix” their unhappiness or, due to low self-esteem, feel you deserve to be on the receiving end of their moods. This can become a way to evoke sympathy or self-pity, even subconsciously. If this describes you, consider seeking help or counseling.
The bottom line is this: everyone has good days and bad days, and occasional moodiness is acceptable. However, if you or someone you know is constantly complaining, whining, or on the verge of an outburst, they likely have issues that your friendship can’t resolve. Being nice or avoiding confrontation will only hurt you in the long run. When dealing with moody people, it’s not only acceptable but wise to assertively tell them it’s time to “put on their big-person pants” and act like an adult. Otherwise, they risk losing you. Life is too short to constantly walk on eggshells around perpetually moody people.
23 Responses
YES, YES, YES!!! Emotional blackmail is for the birds. Good article.
Did you even take into account people suffering from mental illnesses? Not everyone chooses to be this way, so many people have no one to help them get through tough times and it leaves an effect. Don’t bash moody people without even knowing them. Thanks 🙂
Said like a true codependent. Ok the writer will quickly get to know all the moody people in the world real quick! I’ve known PLENTY of moody people who treat their families bad but can magically turn it off around other people that they want to impress. I’ve also known mentally ill people who have mood swings but almost all of those are seeking treatment. The difference usually is the former almost always never apologize about being moody and the later are usually very remorseful and apologetic (almost to hard on themselves). I think the writer is referring to the former.
Totally agree with you. The person I am struggling with at the moment is a work colleague who is moody and snappy one minute and nice the next. She knows what she is doing because she is charming with the bosses and other senior colleagues but as I am fairly new to the organisation and out of my comfort zone she seems to pick on me. I am feeling vulnerable and miserable now and whilst I don’t like confrontation I know I will now have to say something. This has been going on for almost 4 months now. I did try talking to her after about a month and she was as ‘nice as pie’ and then changed the subject quickly. Typical bully. They do know what they are doing.
Oh yes.. they know who to be nice to… my husband.. My niece does the mood thing… but as soon as my husband appears she is all lights and action.
They know they can’t get away with pushing the buttons of experienced staff without it backfiring. It will only stop when they have someone new to pick on. I. E. New staff. Stick with it.
You don’t Know me!
No.. i dont agree… mental illness is a joke… My niece is one of the moodiest people on earth.. i dance around trying to please her… even her darkest depression is like mine.. BUT as soon as my husband appears asking her to go shopping she drops the mood… and grabs her glad rags and we all must act like nothing happened its narcissism. No such thing as mental illness.. just selfishness.
Sounds like your niece is trying to manipulate you. You need to put your foot down, and ignore her if you have to. Be strong eventually she’ll get the point that you won’t put up with her crap
I suffer with mental
Health issues but I don’t constantly use my moods to control and manipulate others around me.
Unfortunately if you continue being moody, and use mental health as an excuse you’ll keep pushing people away. Moody people have no right to bash others yet expect only care and compassion in return. If not expect to remain lonely.
Ellie, she did take that into account and even said to seek professional help for certain people.
See i am one of these moody people, i started reading this to help.my bf deal but the reason i get moody is because i always want to be alone, i cant deal with people being around me all the time, asking stupid obvious questions to make conversation, i need time to recharge and i dont get it or no one lets me, honestly in just tired but non of that article is me, if im in a mood just leave me alone
Sounds a bit like ASD- being overwhelmed with too much sensory stuff 🤔
Great article, thanks. I have 3 moody friends and feel like I ‘people please’ them a lot. I am an empath. I think they targeted me specifically to get their needs met. They know they can take advantage of me – but no more. I’m an empath in recovery now. Their moods can be so unpredictable & childish that I really think they have bipolar disorder. 2 of them anyway. Trouble is they are doing nothing about it while the people around them are affected. I don’t know why I waste my time with these people when there are plenty of healthy-functioning STABLE adults out there to be friends with.
👍 You said it all Doug!
I feel for u dealing with 3 of them. I’ve just removed myself from
One snd that was hard work. Hopefully you can remove them from yourself.
My 36 year old neice is so moody.. its making me distrust her.. she goes into silence for no reason.. just stops talking.. I have to wait till she decides when im punished enough… grr.. its making me angry at her.
No. I can be moody sure, but the thing is, it’s not like I’m using my depression to manipulate people, sorry, but that’s crazy! If I hurt somebody’s feelings, chances are, I will beat myself up about it for months. I don’t want to “emotionally bully people” I’m not “looking for sympathy” and I am not “self-absorbed.” I find this article to be quite hurtful and frustrating. Have you tried asking this moody person in your life WHY they act like this? Maybe they just need somebody to talk to, somebody to support them. I know that sometimes I may get moody because I just feel so alone. I try my best to not be moody, but it can be hard bottling everything up. If this person truly cares about your feelings, they will probably try to keep their moodiness under control. I understand that this is not the case for everybody, and I agree, some people are inexcusably rude, and to be honest, horrible to be around. Just please try to understand that this is not the case for everybody. Some of us just need some love and support, somebody to help us pick ourselves back up again. it can even be as simple as just giving them some alone time. No hate intended, just trying to give friendly feedback, as people’s feelings will most likely be hurt by this article, particularly if it isn’t true. I know that I was hurt by this article. I hope this helps, thanks for taking your time to read this! 🙂
From what you saying maybe this article isn’t aimed at you. There are some who are perpetually moody and feel it’s okay to take it out on others. Eventually it leads them to more loneliness. Maybe in your situation there are other people who are being manipulative and hurtful to you.
I think it stems from immaturity, selfishness, and lack of civility and caring.
Moodiness is also common in very young adults, as well as children and adolescents, because the brain is not completely developed until around the mid-20’s.
My coordinator seems to be moody. I am wary of emailing her because I never know what her reaction will be. I can feel her moodiness from a virtual distance. Everyone has a bad day now and then. Those people emit such negativity 😒 it’s better to distance yourself if possible. My technique is to email her back and include at least a smiley. She has my sympathy. 😀