How Much Is Too Much for Your Child and Family?
The Tiger Mother, in her renowned book, admits she pushed her daughters into every extracurricular activity she could afford, believing it would make them well-rounded and prepared for a successful life. Today, many parents, whether familiar with the “Tiger Mother” concept or not, are investing thousands of dollars and irreplaceable time into their children’s premature careers, potentially pushing both the child and the family to the brink of exhaustion.
Child psychologists are witnessing the toll this lifestyle takes on children and their parents. Over the past decade, children have been diagnosed with clinical depression 35 times more frequently than they were ten years ago. Clinicians largely attribute this rise to the absence of a “normal” childhood. Today, “normal” no longer means playing in the yard after school, building forts, or riding bikes with neighbors. Instead, a typical child’s routine includes school, studies, an average of three extracurricular activities, plus social and religious commitments.
Adding to the stress, the days of children playing sports like baseball or football solely on Saturday afternoons are gone. Even with local recreation departments, children now face numerous practices per week and spend weekends practicing or competing in games. Millions of parents in the United States also face the pressure of “travel” sports, which can cost thousands of dollars annually and require 20 hours or more per week for practices and games.
The Consequences of Over-Scheduling
Leading child psychiatrist and author of The Over-Scheduled Child, Alvin Rosenfeld, states, “Over-scheduling our children is not only a widespread phenomenon, it’s how we parent today.” Many parents feel they are failing if their children aren’t enrolled in multiple activities. As a result, children face immense pressure to achieve and compete. Rosenfeld notes that some sixth-graders are already working on their resumes to gain an edge for college applications.
Rosenfeld and other child psychology experts worldwide warn that over-scheduling can lead to behavioral disorders, illness, emotional stress, and clinical depression. While experts agree that extracurricular activities can enrich children’s lives, when these activities dominate their free time and disrupt downtime and family connections, the consequences are severe for everyone involved.
Stress in children arises when they are overwhelmed. By participating in too many activities too often, children lack the opportunity to deeply engage with pursuits they are passionate about. Although parents may claim, “My child loves their activities,” children often hesitate to express discontent, fearing they will upset their parents. Children should not be placed in such a position.
In highly active households, deep family connections, relaxation time, extended family relationships, friendships, and financial stability often suffer due to the demands of chauffeuring and funding these activities. Experts recommend that parents seek balance rather than trying to give their children a competitive edge. Encourage children to choose one or two activities at a time (depending on their age) to fully experience the sport or skill while preserving precious free time. Parents should also watch for signs of stress, such as persistent health issues, moodiness, behavioral changes, or learning difficulties, which may indicate a child is overwhelmed.
Furthermore, prioritizing one child’s activities can inadvertently harm siblings. In high-achieving households, a particularly talented child may be placed on a pedestal, leaving siblings struggling to meet the same standard. This dynamic can lead to long-lasting family dysfunction.
Extracurricular activities offer immense benefits, but moderation is key. Parents should not reduce their role to merely providing transportation and funding for multiple activities, nor should children be expected to perform excessively, akin to a 40-hour workweek. Their social, emotional, and physical development depends on more than just gaining an early edge through being overscheduled and overworked. When pushed too hard, children may lack the energy or motivation to succeed later in life, burdened by stress-related disorders and memories of an unfulfilling childhood.
