It’s almost hard to believe that we are living in 2025, an age that was supposed to bring parenting to a whole new level of equality. Today’s dad is expected to bring home the bacon, and he’s not opposed to doing a load of laundry or wearing his baby in stellar fashion while picking out organic fruits at the grocery store.
In fact, with so many dual-working households, parenting has, in many ways, become a partnership like no other. One day, mom works the carpool while dad tends to the baby. The next day, dad chooses to work from home to take care of a sick child, allowing mom to attend her board meeting. Yet, despite all the equality in parenting, the truth is that mom still seems to get ALL — or at least “most” — of the credit when it comes to the children.
The Persistent Gender Bias in Parenting Recognition
Giving dad the credit he deserves is one aspect of the parenting partnership that has not evolved as much as we would expect through the equality movement. Despite all the changes in paternal roles around the home, mainstream consciousness still seems stuck in the idea that Ted Bundy from Married with Children is the personification of fatherhood.
It’s interesting that there are millions of mommy bloggers. In fact, for every one fathering blog, there are likely over a thousand mothering blogs. For many of these bloggers, the jokes and topics often resonate with the idea that “mother knows best.” Many women poke fun at things like the way dad dresses the children, or his version of dinner — often undermining his skill and adeptness at taking care of the children. Advertisers today, from those selling diapers to family cell phone plans, often cast mom in the starring role, appealing to the parenting audience by poking fun at a father’s perceived incompetence at home. Even today’s sitcoms and dramas are rife with images of deadbeat dads or fathers who are beer-bellied couch potatoes, glued to football games while mom handles the laundry and juggles the baby.
Even the nightly news constantly caters to the ideal of the deadbeat dad, with little to no mention of the fact that there are plenty of women in this world who seem born without the mothering gene. There are numerous support groups, laws, and resources designed to help mothers thrive in parenthood, but few that focus on helping dads do the same. Meanwhile, mothers are idolized for balancing full-time work outside the home with parenting — a feat men have been achieving for eons. Consider that in the United States, a mother has an 81% higher chance of obtaining full custody after a divorce than a father does, a number that has remained steady for the past 30 years.
What’s worse is that many women, regardless of how much they admire or love their husbands, are still wrought with worry and criticism when it comes to handing over child care to their fathers. Many women feel compelled to leave their husbands with long to-do lists and constantly remind them of every little thing that needs to be done, and HOW it should be done, when leaving their child with dad. Is this really necessary?
Just how familiar does the following sound to you?
“Make sure that you put on their sunscreen… make sure to put on their seatbelts… make sure to give your son a bath if he gets dirty at the park… don’t forget to brush your daughter’s hair… they will need a snack around 10 and another around 3… make sure you feed them lunch… don’t forget to take the kids’ water… etc.”
One Canadian father, who feels confident in his parenting skills, resents the constant barking of orders like those listed above. He says, “It’s like us men telling our wives that the boobie part of the bra goes on the front, or reminding them to put tampons in their purse when it’s that time of the month.” He goes on to say, “The reality is, we don’t need an Excel spreadsheet to look after our kids for the afternoon.”
This lack of confidence in fathers, along with the popularized discrediting of their abilities, is certainly not a healthy way to co-parent. Most wives don’t mean to be undermining or humiliating with their directives — they may even have total confidence in their husband’s ability to look after the kids. So, why do they do this? Psychologists suggest that women are naturally inclined to feel responsible for their children, whether they are with them or not. Additionally, there’s a level of primal guilt that mothers feel when they have to leave their child for any length of time. So, while the detailed instructions for dad may seem disturbing, the reality is that they are a coping mechanism for dealing with maternal guilt.
This explanation doesn’t necessarily make the pill of discredit for fathers any easier to swallow. The truth is that there are millions upon millions of fathers in this world who are great at what they do. Sure, men do things differently than women, especially when it comes to the kids. Dad may allow little Johnny to scale the jungle gym, he may not fuss over a little ketchup on the chin, and he may let his kids pick out their own clothes. But the bottom line is that it’s the duality of personalities — the differences between mothers and fathers — that enables children to thrive. Research has consistently shown that children raised by both mothers and fathers, with their different approaches to parenting, are more successful in life and become better parents (and people) than those without.
It’s long past time for the world — and for mothers — to start giving dad the credit he deserves. Perhaps, if mom can turn off her OCD long enough, even she might learn something from the creative way that dad parents.
