A Child’s Security Blanket

Remember that cute little bear that your then single brother-in-law picked up for your daughter on the day she was born? Little did you know that, a decade later, that same little bear would be missing an ear, have had her tail sewn back on four times, spent a menacing week hidden among the stuffed animals at K-Mart before being found, been blatantly exposed to every germ and illness that ever existed, and is definitely a one-of-a-kind, cannot be replaced (EVER) family heirloom. It has the undying ability to cause a major disruption at the sheer thought of being put up in the attic.

Yes, there are millions of parents (and kids) who depend on their child’s security bear, blanket, pacifier, silky, or whatever it may be to get them through this funny little thing called life.

The Psychological Significance of Security Items

So, what is this “thing” really about? How do you ensure your child won’t be sleeping with it on their wedding day? And, more importantly, should you take it away, and if so, how?

A child’s security blanket or other object typically begins to take shape around the one-year mark or later. This is when children start to realize that their source of security (most often mom) is a separate entity from themselves. Psychoanalysts believe that children begin attaching themselves to objects as their first attempt at forming relationships with things other than mom. These attachments often involve objects that provide comfort. However, a child’s security blanket or bear is also a conversation about independence that your child begins long before they can talk about their feelings. By defining an object to derive security from, children start learning to take care of themselves and exert some control over their lives and environment.

While the security blanket may appear as a disgusting dishrag to you, for a young child, it is a deeply ingrained item from which they draw comfort to reduce anxiety in their life. So, what does a baby or toddler have to feel anxious about? This varies for each child. Most will use their security items when they’re tired or going to sleep. Others turn to it when they are separated from their family or familiar surroundings. Regardless, it simply makes your child feel better—almost as satisfying as a hug from mom. Interestingly enough, children who stay home with their moms and sleep with them until later in toddlerhood are less likely to transfer their need for security onto an object. This is not a stance for or against co-sleeping, just an observation.

At some point, parents often feel the need to take the security item away. In cases where the security object is something like a pacifier or bottle, the need to take it away can be medically driven. However, in other cases, parents may simply feel that their child needs to grow up and live without the item. Many experts disagree. In fact, they argue that snatching the item away, or even coercing a child to give it up to be a “big kid,” actually reduces their independence. If you think long-term, even a 13-year-old who still has her bear is unlikely to bring it to school or a slumber party. But if it sits on her bed and gets tucked under the blanket at night, is there really any harm in that? Especially if it makes her happy? In other words, your child’s security item isn’t hurting anyone. Even if they bring it on their honeymoon, chances are they won’t be reduced as a person because of it.

For some parents, it’s not the disgusting state of the object that makes them want to take it away, but the fact that the child’s security item causes so much grief. You would be surprised by how much turmoil a blanket, bear, or pacifier can cause until you lose it—even momentarily. The object often becomes something that mom and dad rely on for sanity and peace in the home. For this reason, if your child attaches to something, it’s best to ensure it’s replaceable. If you notice an attachment forming, consider buying one or two more of the same item to keep on hand, just in case. And trust me, the inevitable will happen. One day, the blanket will be left on a playground, in a classroom, inside a grocery cart, or lost in the mess of a child’s room. This will be upsetting for everyone involved.

Obviously, there are times when a child’s security blanket can cause quite a stir. When your child starts school, they won’t likely be allowed to bring their security item with them. Instead of trying to wean them completely off it, help your child adjust to the new environment without their security item. Avoid telling them they will be made fun of or that blankets and bears are for babies. For one thing, your child is still a baby. Secondly, you must realize that their attachment to the object is designed to soothe them in times of stress. Starting school, attending daycare, and other transitional moments are exactly that—transitions. Instead, promise to bring the item when you pick your child up, for example.

As time goes on, you will notice that your child will gradually lessen their attachment to their security blanket. This happens naturally and in stages. As your child becomes more socialized, they will pick up on social cues regarding how well-accepted their blankie is among friends. Rather than make your child’s security item a source of contention, try to let your child stay in control of it. After all, it is theirs. Most often in parenting, what mom and dad perceive as major issues are simply stages of development. Eventually, they all pass.