According to the U.S. Census Bureau, as of 2009, there are around 13.7 million single parents in the United States alone. These parents are raising approximately 21.8 million children, which, in case you’re wondering, is about one-quarter of all children in the U.S. This means that one out of every four children is being raised in a single-parent household. Of these households, around 87% are headed by one of the most powerful, level-headed, and capable people on Earth: a single mom.
So who is she, and what does she look like? Is she part of a marginalized group living in poverty? How difficult is her life, and how does she manage to juggle it all—especially considering that 87% of custodial single mothers are raising more than one child while also working? Does she own a home or a car? The truth is that one of the greatest misconceptions about single mothers is that they have all fallen victim to inadequate birth control or that they live primarily off government assistance. In reality, most of them are just like any other mom—working adults who own both a car and a home, and are doing it all on their own. And doing it well!
The Realities of Single Motherhood
In fact, most of these moms (46%, to be exact) were once married, while 34% have never been married. The average age of a single mom in the U.S. is 39 years, suggesting that these moms are mature and know exactly what they are doing. Surprisingly (perhaps not), only about 19% of single mothers decide to remarry. Instead, they demonstrate immense courage and capability in raising their children on their own. Another important statistic is that around 80% of all single mothers are employed. The Census Bureau describes these employed single mothers as “gainfully employed,” meaning they can support themselves and their children without needing government assistance. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be—after all, we’re talking about moms here. Only an estimated 22% of single-mother households live at or below the poverty line, indicating that single moms will do whatever it takes to ensure they can raise and support their children.
For many parents raising kids with a spouse, the thought of doing it alone is overwhelming. When it’s already a struggle to get your kid to school on time and get yourself to work, how do single moms manage without another adult to help? Not to mention the cost of raising children—how do they handle it all by themselves? And yet, these women somehow do it all. They bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, pay the bills, get the kids to doctor’s appointments and sporting events, and provide a nurturing and loving environment. Astonishingly, a recent study from the University of Maryland shows that children raised in happy, stable single-mom households are often more adjusted than those raised in unhappy marriages. The study also found that children raised by a single mom, as opposed to an unhappy couple, were less likely to use drugs or alcohol and had better scores on standardized tests. This challenges the old belief that staying together “for the sake of the children” is always the best approach!
Let’s be honest: a mom is already a pretty incredible person. But a single mom? She’s exceptional. As society continues to evolve, the image of the single mom is changing, and her face now reflects someone with the power to change the world—one child at a time. There’s not just a laundry list of things single moms must do every day; there’s also a laundry list of roles they must play. Among single moms raising children, around 69% have little to no contact with the fathers and do not regularly collect child support. This means that mom often has to take on the roles of both parents and provide a balance of both male and female influence in her household—while working away from home.
Just because she’s a single mom doesn’t mean she gets a free pass. Her children are held to the same expectations as any other child, and so is she. The New York Times ran a poll to determine the secret to being a successful single mom, and the number one trait they identified was happiness. The survey included both married and unmarried mothers. In a world that often idealizes the family unit, the poll found that, while money was the biggest challenge for single moms, many also agreed that not having a spouse around could sometimes make parenting easier. Unlike mothers in unhappy relationships, single moms can devote all of their spare time to focusing on their children and finding ways to make their family dynamic work.
Consider this: single mothers can use their time to give to their children rather than splitting their attention between a spouse and their kids. Without the stress of constant arguments or the need to negotiate decisions, they can parent freely and according to their own values. Many single moms form strong, supportive relationships with other moms, which can provide better support than some married moms may get from their spouses. And for most single moms, they have ample family and friends who are willing to help take care of the kids when needed.
Being a single mom is undoubtedly hard. When you’re the only one responsible for making ends meet, drying tears, or administering medicine to a sick child, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And in many ways, it is. The efforts of single moms should be celebrated, especially since many two-parent households barely make it through. Yet, what seems to enable these moms to hold it all together—besides their amazing resilience—is happiness. Single moms appear to have figured out how to optimize both their well-being and their family’s.
