Marriage Advice

A Wife’s Guide to Marital Mistakes

So many people, after experiencing a split or divorce, spend a lot of time wondering what wrong in the relationship. Around half of all people who get divorced include one spouse who did not see it coming. They did not see the warning signs, or figured that any of the problems they were having in the marriage would resolve on their own after time. And sadly, that is rarely true. In fact, the longer a disconnect in a marriage is left on its own – the larger the divide it causes. And eventually, the gap between the two of you can become so wide that nothing is able to bridge it.

This list is comprised of the common marital mistakes of women!

It isn’t designed to place blame on a woman for a failed marriage, but rather to shed light on some of the areas where marriage often goes wrong.

  1. Giving it all up. When women get married and have children, they often give up everything that they love and are passionate about. At first, they do it because they feel it is their womanly obligation which they are happy to oblige. But after a while, giving up everything for other people will make you resentful. And worse, it makes you uninteresting and sort of boring. Men complain all the time that their wife ‘used’ to take pride in her appearance, used to have things she was passionate about, and used to have a sense of humor and lots to talk about. When you give everything up for someone else and become a servant to the needs of others, it changes you! Remember that your husband fell in love with you before you gave it all up, and chances are he liked and found interesting, many of the things that you did before. Now, you are boring. Sad, unkempt, and inwardly resentful. Truth is, most men don’t ask their wives to give up everything, it’s simply a cultural belief that women should.
  2. Lack of sex, oral and otherwise. A woman should never, NEVER underestimate the worthiness of sex in their marriage. Why is that so many women don’t put as much effort into their sex lives after marriage? Women can use all the excuses that they want, such as falling asleep with the kids, not feeling good about their bodies, not having the energy, being mad at their spouse etc. Truth is, sex is sex. If you loved to give oral sex before marriage and now do it once a year, expect a problem. If you go months on end without having a quickie, consider it a problem. Women tend to internalize and over think sex, when the reality is that men don’t feel the same about it. But men do get their egos bruised and become upset when they are in a sexless marriage. Seriously, even if you aren’t in the mood – indulge it. It can go a long way in keeping the two of you connected! Sex needs to remain a priority in the relationship no matter what is going on in the marriage.
  3. Not asking for what you want. Look ladies, men don’t operate well on auto pilot. And men often trust the communicative nature of women to alert them to any problems that they are having. If you have a problem or want something, or more importantly NEED something from the relationship – whether it is help with the dishes or to feel more appreciative, you better open your mouth. Men trust women to do this, and actually expect it from their wives. He cannot and will not try to read your mind. The only person you have to blame for not getting what you want in the relationship is YOU, if you are quiet.
  4. Turning into the nagging wife. Sure, it is a stereotype that wives nag and complain. Unfortunately, it is also a truth. Women can become so focused on the home, the yard, the kids, the job, and the PTO meetings – that they become controlling and nagging of their spouses. And men do not want their wives to be their mothers. It goes against a very raw and basic state of male existence to constantly be nagged and hounded by anyone and is felt as demeaning toward a man. You can have a healthy amicable relationship when you do not become the nagging broodmare and instead communicate with your husband as if you are equal partners.
  5. Ignoring the Husband. As mentioned above, women become ultra focused on many facets of their life and often leave the husband out of that mix. Men like for the women in their lives to give them little reminders that they care for him. Men may not need flowers or expensive gifts, but small gestures and advances that help to (yes, cliché) stroke the male ego a little bit, can go a long way in keeping the marriage together. If you are too busy for your husband and exert all of your time on other things in your life – you can expect him to be unhappy.

Men and women are very different creatures. Even so, the relationships that we have together can not only be productive and happy, but healthy as well. Women need to keep in mind that their husband does not think in the same extremes as they do. They also need to realize that men need to not just know they are loved, but feel they are loved as well. A marriage is not a competition or a game. It should be handled with honesty and respect, and problems should be addressed quickly if you want the marriage to last and be successful.

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