Each year, thousands of families choose to adopt a child. These families aren’t always childless or infertile couples; many adoptive parents simply feel they have an immense amount of love to share with a child who needs them. Others feel a strong urge to come to the defense of children who are desperately awaiting a loving family. Adoption raises many questions—too many to answer in depth. However, the first questions families often ask are: should they adopt, and can they afford it?
It would be nice to think that with so many homeless children in the world, adoption would be easier. Sadly, many of the laws put in place to protect these children keep them waiting far too long.
Should You Adopt?
The decision to adopt is very personal. You must be able to recognize your reasons for wanting to adopt. Many couples who are desperate to have a child of their own, but can’t, may immediately want to adopt a child to fill that void. Psychologists warn that adopting solely for this reason may not be a good idea right away. Placing expectations, ideals, and the hope of curing your disappointment on another child is merely a quick fix for your emotions. You should take the time to heal from the pain of not being able to have a child of your own before considering adoption. One reason is that the adoption process often takes time, leads to further disappointment, and requires a highly balanced mindset.
If you have the desire to have children, can reasonably take care of them, and have the capacity to love them, then you should consider adoption. In fact, if every family capable of adopting a child stepped forward, the world could be forever changed, with millions of children experiencing the love of a family.
When you decide to adopt, ensure that you are ready to handle the challenges and hurdles ahead. Going through the adoption process during a divorce, mid-life crisis, devastation over infertility, or financial instability is not ideal. Instead, work through your issues to ensure that you’re not bringing a child into a dysfunctional situation. This isn’t to say you have to be perfect to adopt—no family is—but you should be in a position to think clearly and act responsibly.
Once you’re ready, you need to rise above your emotions and understand the legal ramifications in your state. Look at the costs, available options, and conduct thorough research. Set realistic expectations and understand the “business end” of adding to your family through adoption. A helpful resource is the Adoptive Families of America, where you can purchase a $5 brochure that provides a comprehensive guide to adoption. This will help you understand the differences between private and international adoptions, as well as the many other avenues available to you. Sadly, this also helps you avoid being trapped by fraudulent adoption agencies that are only out for your money. Every year, thousands of people lose $10,000 to $20,000 to scams and fraudulent agencies. Not everyone who appears to be helping you actually is, so it’s important to be cautious.
After doing your research, continue learning. One of the best allies you can have is to connect with other families who have been through the adoption process. Check out forums, online groups, support groups, and local community groups for adoptive parents. Their experience and insights can help you navigate both the best and worst of times, preparing you for what lies ahead. These groups can help you avoid red tape, scams, and assist you in developing the right mindset for the adoption process. Many parents enter adoption thinking the high demand will make it easy, only to find that the process and legal complexities are challenging. But, in the end, the results are well worth the effort!
Adoption also requires unwavering faith. This doesn’t mean only religious parents will be successful; it means you need to remain faithful in the process. Understand and believe that the right child for you is slowly making their way into your life. Like all things in life, it may not be a newborn infant or the exact child you envisioned with golden hair and blue eyes, but it will be a complete and wonderful surprise—better than anything you could have expected. Keep your faith in the miracle of a child entering your life, and remain open to the power of positive thinking. These are valuable tools to survive the adoption process.
How Much Does Adoption Cost?
Another key question in the adoption process is, how much will it cost? The answer is not straightforward, as the fees vary greatly depending on the agency, state, and country. International adoptions, depending on the country, can cost between $5,000 and $50,000 and come with additional complexities. Some adoptions can cost nothing at all. On average, private adoption in the United States costs around $20,000. Most private adoption agencies have set fees, which should be disclosed upfront, and they may have waiting lists that take years to work through, with mounds of paperwork to complete. The back-and-forth of this process can add unforeseen costs, such as travel expenses.
Adopting through a private attorney—a relatively new option in the adoption world—can cost around $25,000 before everything is said and done. Many adoption fees cover the birth mother’s costs, including labor and delivery. Some states have laws against certain fees, so it’s important to check state regulations before paying any fees upfront. Overseas adoptions come with an entirely different set of fees and legal complications, which, while easier in some cases, tend to be more expensive.
Another consideration is time off work for hearings, screenings, and travel. These costs may not be disclosed but should be anticipated. Adoptive parents should be prepared to secure savings, loans, or use other sources of income to remain financially stable and ready to act should an opportunity arise.
Foster Care and Adoption
Each year in the United States, about 100,000 children are placed in foster care, with approximately 500,000 already in the system. Sadly, these numbers are not inflated. Many of these children are in limbo, waiting for the system to declare them wards of the state and eligible for adoption. Others, already designated as wards of the state, are eligible for adoption but are moved from home to home, looking for a place to settle. Consider that most children over the age of 10 spend the rest of their childhood in foster care, often without finding a permanent home before they turn 18. This means there are thousands of children in desperate need of adoptive parents, particularly older children.
Becoming a foster parent is not easy, but the steps are well-regulated and straightforward. Because the need is so high, you may find that you can have a child placed in your home within a month of being approved as a foster parent. This is a good way to familiarize yourself with children and make a real difference in a child’s life. Even if you continue with the adoption process, being a foster parent offers valuable lessons about life and love.
Many foster parents (statistics show as many as two-thirds) eventually adopt the children in their care. Being a foster parent can also improve your chances with private and state adoption agencies. However, it’s important to remember that these relationships are often temporary. Learning to cope with the heartbreak of losing a foster child to another home or to a birth parent can be a difficult emotional challenge. Foster children often come with backgrounds that may be difficult to understand or deal with, but that is part of being a parent.
If you’re considering adoption, think about this: millions of children are waiting, often neglected and alone. It’s heartbreaking to know that thousands of children go to bed each night without a home, a meal, or a parent to tuck them in. Many of these children need adoptive families just like yours. While it may take a miracle to unite you with your adoptive child, rest assured, they are out there.
Adoption is one of the best things you can do with your love. The reasons for wanting to adopt don’t always matter as much as the fact that you want to. If you approach adoption with knowledge and insight, and are ready for the emotional challenges, you should jump in with both feet. Stay true to your desire to have a child, and never give up—no matter how tough things get. You will find that you’re not alone, and that an army of support is waiting to help you—and to help you welcome the child who is meant to be yours.
