5 Ways to Take Control
What impact has COVID and quarantine had on our self-confidence?
I recently read a research article stating there was an increased use of social media platforms during lockdown and an increase in the number of people reporting low self-esteem.
Why do we compare ourselves to others to determine our self-esteem or self-confidence? Do you believe that your self-confidence is in your control? It is.
You control the narrative on how confident you feel. In working with clients that struggle with confidence, I ask them to define what it means to them. I often hear that confidence “is knowing yourself,” or “being able to admit when you are wrong.”
Self-confidence is an awareness and understanding of your abilities, your qualities and even your judgement. Essentially it is trusting yourself.
How do we adrenalize our self-confidence?
Here are five steps to help you adrenalize your self-confidence:
- Determine your locus of control.
We either have an internal or external locus of control. We have an external locus of control when we are controlled by something outside of ourselves. We are influenced by what others do, believe, and say about us. When we look at social media, for example, we are influenced by what is going on in other people’s lives and we assume that we lack something because the perception is that the other person has it. We feel badly about ourselves when we have an external locus of control.
When we have an internal locus of control, we are in control of what we do and how we respond to situations. Someone with an internal locus can look at social media without allowing their perception of others’ lives to influence their own self-image. They maintain the control.
People who see their control as coming from within themselves understand that they choose how to respond in every situation. People with an external locus of control surrender to the circumstances and give in.
Therefore, to adrenalize your self-confidence, you must be internally focused and recognize that in any situation you can control how you respond. You maintain your control when you do this.
- Love yourself by staying true to your values.
When we understand what we value and learn to love ourselves, we develop the context of our confidence. Loving yourself is not easy for many people, but it is essential to living confidently. How do we develop our love of self?
Discover what you value and what you believe about yourself. Values are important pillars to build your self love upon. When we understand what we value and find ways to live by those values, we develop our love of self.
Our beliefs about ourselves are imperative to loving self. When we have false beliefs, we live in a fixed mindset and don’t recognize the possibility for change. When we say, “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not enough,” we maintain beliefs that are self-deprecating. When we believe that we are worthy, we build a strong foundation in self-love.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
Social media places our comparison to others in a very prominent spot. We scroll through social media constantly. It is incredibly difficult to resist the urge to compare.
However, the only comparison we should make is a comparison to ourselves. We should ask each day, “Am I better than I was yesterday?” In loving ourselves, we should want to be a better version of ourselves. Comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday, or last week, or lasty year is the way to develop that best version of self.
- Hold yourself accountable.
One of the most important steps to adrenalizing your self-confidence is to hold yourself accountable. Accountability is about integrity. It’s recognizing your responsibility in a situation. It’s knowing that you can take responsibility for your actions.
When we take responsibility and do what we say we will, we develop more trust in ourselves. That’s what builds self-confidence.
- Surround yourself with positive people.
If you are with people who constantly tear you down instead of building you up, then let go of those people. A person who has an external locus of control surrenders to the naysayers and consumes the negativity as truth.
Surround yourself with people who build you up and validate what you believe about yourself. The people in your life should encourage you to go further. They should bring out your desire to grow and be the best version of you. When you are surrounded by people like this, it develops a healthy external locus of control.
Adrenalize your self confidence by recognizing that you control the narrative. Stop wasting time hating yourself and love yourself instead. There is no need to compare yourself to others, but only to the person you were yesterday. Maintain your accountability and you will trust yourself more. Lastly, surround yourself with positive influences. We need people who build us up, not tear us down.
Tom Marino is a highly respected thought-leader, success strategist, speaker, and author. After a period of personal transformation, he founded Monarch Life Coaching, LLC to help high achievers navigate seasons of transition by recognizing the power of their choices. His book, Bridge to Change, documents the simple process of transformation that he believes catalyzes greater appreciation and enthusiasm in our lives. He is the host of The Adrenalized Life Podcast and the Tom Marino Radio Show. Tom works with people all over the U.S. to help them overcome burnout and live adrenalized. Contact him by visiting www.tommarino.com, on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.