Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

What side of the fence you’re on affects your perspective regarding the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages. You might see only advantages, or perhaps no advantages at all. Your cultural upbringing and religious convictions are strong determinants of your stance on this issue.

For the sake of argument, let’s explore both sides of the coin. Before we do, it’s essential to clarify that arranged marriages may or may not be forced. These days, more and more arranged marriages are based on the mutual consent of adults. Even those who pledge allegiance to the Islamic faith understand that marrying someone is only valid if both parties genuinely like each other. Contrary to popular belief, Muslims believe that the happiness of both spouses is of paramount importance.

Advantages of Arranged Marriages

If we step outside the Western context for a moment and immerse ourselves in cultures that promote arranged marriages, we may come to appreciate the logic behind this practice. Some of the reasons it works can be attributed to the wisdom of elders. Having raised and cared for their children, they often know what’s best for them, including the decision to choose a life partner.

1. Risk of incompatibility is diminished

Arranged marriages assume that two people are well-matched because they share the same culture, religious upbringing, language, and socio-economic background. These similarities facilitate communication and understanding, making it easier for the couple to connect. Decisions regarding the upbringing of future children and their education leave little room for disparities in thinking due to this shared background.

2. The idea of divorce is unthinkable

This is another recognized advantage of arranged marriages. Because the man and woman come from similar backgrounds, they often share the same views on marriage and family. Thus, the chance of divorce due to irreconcilable differences is lower than in Western cultures.

It’s important to note that arranged marriages do not necessarily reduce the likelihood of divorce. As discussed in another article, many arranged marriages are no longer seen negatively because they are not typically forced. Parents arranging marriages understand that their children can always refuse a proposed partner, prompting them to seek another suitable match. The input from both the future groom and bride carries significant weight. This combination of parental wisdom and the couple’s consent can lead to a happier union, making divorce unlikely.

India is a prime example of a society where arranged marriages are still common, and where the divorce rate is notably low.

3. Extended family support has its benefits

In traditional societies, spouses sometimes live with their parents or in close proximity to them. In times of difficulty, the couple can count on their parents and in-laws for emotional, physical, and financial support. When children are born and both spouses work, finding suitable babysitters is not an issue because grandparents can help with the care and nurturing of the children. This ensures that the children are supervised by familiar family members, creating a comfortable environment. Additionally, when the couple faces arguments, well-meaning elders can offer advice and mediation.

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

For those who learn that arranged marriages are not necessarily forced, a more tolerant attitude may develop. One reason for this tolerance is that arranged marriages are a cultural tradition and should not be judged by Western standards. If those involved view arranged marriages as a normal way of life, why should outsiders attempt to change their perspective? It’s not as if they are being coerced into marriage or treated like slaves.

Nevertheless, for the sake of argument, here are some disadvantages of arranged marriages:

1. Inability to make one’s own decisions

When marriages are arranged by elders or parents, it doesn’t encourage individuals to make their own choices about whom to marry. Instead of dating and meeting potential partners based on personal ideals, they leave that responsibility to someone else. If either spouse ends up unhappy after a few years, it can be tempting to blame their parents for making an unsuitable choice.

2. Love takes second priority

“Decide with your head, not with your heart,” is what parents often tell their children. This philosophy tends to place love on the back burner. In cultures where arranged marriages are common, many believe that if they don’t experience passionate love at the time of marriage, it will eventually develop. Social and economic viability often take precedence over romantic love, which many consider a superficial feeling that will fade over time.

3. Interference from extended family

While having extended family nearby can provide support, this closeness also has drawbacks. Some individuals, particularly those who have lived in the West for an extended period, may find this proximity awkward. Certain marital conflicts are often better resolved when only the spouses are involved. When in-laws intervene and impose their views, it can add stress to the marriage.