It’s challenging for any parent to watch their child make a mistake. Most go to great lengths to shield their children from physical injuries and emotional pain. However, part of being a good parent involves letting go and allowing them to navigate unfamiliar territory without holding their hand. Even when your wisdom tells you they’re making a poor choice, it’s often best to let them proceed. The reason is simple: few people learn from others’ mistakes. Until your child experiences life firsthand, they won’t develop their own warning system built on common sense and experience.
When your child is a toddler, protecting them is straightforward. Their biggest risks might be climbing a too-high fence or attempting somersaults on pavement. A sharp “no” may startle them into compliance, and you hope they won’t try again. But they often do. The moment your back is turned, they’ll approach that same fence, figuring out how to place their feet in the chain-link footholds. Yes, they might get hurt or even break a bone. Instead of forbidding the climb, consider letting them try while staying close to catch them if they fall. If they succeed and reach the other side, you’ll witness their pride and accomplishment. This is where confidence is built. If a child doesn’t believe they’re too small, weak, or incapable, why plant that doubt in their mind?
Navigating Bigger Challenges as Kids Grow
As children age, allowing them to make mistakes becomes more complex. Their decisions can lead to significant issues with academics, friendships, or peer pressure. They may struggle to manage time, stand up to a bully, or navigate the social dynamics of elementary school playgrounds. While these experiences may not cause physical pain, they can leave emotional scars. Preventing them from making bad choices—and facing the consequences—robs them of real-life exposure that shapes them into better people. Your role is to stand by the fence, ready to catch them when they fall. Instead of saying, “I told you so ,” help them overcome the hurt, whether it’s from a friend’s betrayal or a school disciplinary action. Be their ally. They wouldn’t have heeded your warnings anyway.
Allowing children to make mistakes fosters honesty. Kids quickly learn their parents’ boundaries. They know, for example, that Mom won’t let them pick blackberries while hiking, fearing snakes or insisting on bug spray, while Dad lets them run ahead and pick freely. Given the choice, they’ll ask Dad to take them. The same applies as they grow. If your child senses your trust and knows you’ll support them through any mess, they’re less likely to hide things. Teens may lie because they anticipate their parents’ reactions. Instead of asking to attend a party, they might claim they’re sleeping at a friend’s house, then sneak out. This leaves you unable to stand by the fence to catch them.
Parenthood brings newfound awareness. Suddenly, you see dangers in places that once seemed safe, and your judgment about people shifts. But your perspective likely didn’t change until you saw the world through the lens of your child’s safety. Expecting a child to think or feel as you do is unrealistic. Without risks, life is dull, and few people—including you—would reach their full potential. Letting go, allowing your child to make mistakes (even big ones), and being there to help them recover is the essence of parenting. While you should provide leadership and direction, your approach should encourage independent thinking and decision-making. Denying them this opportunity can hinder their growth for a lifetime.
