Yep, it seems like just yesterday you were watching a school play that featured your little blue eyed blonde angel as Snow white…now you are lying awake at night trying to decide whether or not you should be allowing your daughter to go on the pill! Times do change!
The first reaction for most parents is to get hysterical and unreasonable when this conversation comes up. Although your common sense and own teen experience has probably given you insight into this tumultuous time in a child’s life you are hoping that you were just a bad egg! Your daughter would never have sex! Let’s clear up this misconception first!
The Guttmacher Institute Report and another study done by Psychology today say conclusively that up to 36% of all 9th graders and as many as 87% of all seniors are actively engaged in sexual acts. Of those polled that admitted to having sexual relations only 2% said that they told their parents the truth about the matter. The rest indicate that the parental population is clueless! Both reports also indicate that teens take great lengths to hide the details of their sexual life from parents and felt confident that their parents did not suspect that they were sexually active. Hmmm, that may seem like some tough meat to chew; but chew away! Yes, the kids in your high school whether it is a high class Christian school or the local public are having sex, talking about sex, thinking about sex and are completely sexually literate. The difference between them and adults is by and large teens feel that they will never get pregnant, don’t use birth control and care little about little things like ovulation or buying quality condoms!
Another fact to consider is this! 67% of all pregnancies reported in the United States alone for all women (including teens) were unplanned! How do you prevent unplanned pregnancy? You can abstain or you can use effective birth control! If your daughter is having sex, whether she has told you or not, there is a good chance that she may become pregnant one of these days! Allowing your daughter to go on the pill; although painful; could be the answer to allowing her the opportunity to grow up, finish college and live a decent, respectable and abundant life down the road!
Teens are having sex. Some is meaningless while others are involved in committed relationships. Chances are your daughter is thinking about it and even if she is not; there are young teenage boys thinking about having sex with your daughter.
It is not advisable to place your daughter on the pill just for the sake of “might be having sex one day.” The key is to generate realistic and honest conversation. Let your daughter know that you won’t be happy with her decision, but that you will still love her. Explain the high incidence of teen pregnancy and try to be a friend in this moment. A friend! This way she will talk to you and be able to clue you in on the sexual world of teens. Save your “oh my God’s” and rolling eyes for later. Act like you understand and be responsive and responsible. You should trust a teen to use a condom every time as much as you trust them to make their bed every morning before school! Some parents feel that allowing the pill is allowing sex! Try not to think of it that way. If you don’t allow the pill; they will still have sex. If you don’t allow sex; they will still find a way to have it. Teenage sex happens at football games, in cars, in the grass behind your house, at friend’s houses and parties and sometimes even during and in school! You can ground a teen in love and they will sneak out the window or sneak a boy in at midnight. The best approach is the honest one that couples you and your daughter as a communicative and literate force against teenage sexuality. This means allowing your daughter to go on the pill if she is sexually active. The flip side to this is that proper medical care, checking for STD’s and OBGYN check-ups can help her stay healthy now and in the long term. Taking her to a certified physician to get a prescription pill ensures she is on a proper dose and that the chemical make-up is safe and suitable for her. There are plenty of places teen girls can go to get the pill without telling their folks; wouldn’t you rather be the one to be in charge of your daughter’s health?
Obviously the whole thing is morally questionable to say the least! If you suspect but are not sure then snoop! Text message, a diary, a notebook. Look through her drawers to try and find evidence or ask her boyfriend’s parents! Boys are usually more honest about issues of sexually intimacy. If you find hard cold evidence that suggests she is having sex act like a ‘friend’ and try to gain her loyalties. Never admit to the snooping, ground or punish for what you know because this only causes teens to dig deeper into their bag of tricks. Just be a friend, a parent and do what is best for your daughter based on the situation she IS IN NOW; not based on the way you think things should be!
The hard bottom line is that you have the responsibility to protect your teen daughter and if allowing your daughter to go on the pill is one of the things you have to do to protect her future; then suck it up and do it the best way you know how! Teenagers disappoint parents constantly; but adults get over it and mold that little thing called unconditional love in various directions as needed. That is why teens have parents!