Am I Too Hard on My Children?

Every parent, at the end of a long day, questions their approach. You cherish time with your children, yet find yourself constantly correcting, nagging, or feeling frustrated as you address their every whim. Exhausted and worried, you lie in bed wondering, “Am I too hard on my kids?” Was it necessary to lose your temper over a spilled cereal bowl on the couch (despite repeated reminders to eat in the kitchen) or to ground your daughter for forgetting her bookbag again? Should you have ignored the sibling rivalry instead of sending both kids to their rooms to cry alone?

As children grow, the challenges shift from minor household dramas to more serious matters. Your 15-year-old daughter brings home a 17-year-old first boyfriend, prompting strict rules. Or, your teenager lounges around all day, so you take away the car keys until they get a job. Parenting situations arise unpredictably, often catching even the most prepared parents off guard. This lack of readiness, combined with children’s knack for being annoying or selfish, can lead to overreactions or irrational responses, leaving parents feeling imperfect.

Embracing Imperfection in Parenting

Experience teaches that children are resilient. Most parents, at some point, yell, curse, or act in ways they regret, yet children typically emerge unscathed, often forgetting parental outbursts. If you overreact or are too hard on your kids, there’s nothing wrong with admitting it, apologizing, and moving forward. Dwelling on guilt can lead to unhealthy parenting, where you try to befriend your children rather than maintain authority.

No parent is perfect—there’s no manual for this journey. You’re human, with good days, bad days, and worse days. It’s normal to feel stressed, frustrated, or exhausted. Your children need to see that life isn’t always easy and that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or lose your cool occasionally. By showing your imperfections, you help your kids learn to forgive themselves when they make mistakes.

Being hard on your kids is part of the job. Every parent faces unique struggles, and these challenges evolve over time. Tough love is a necessary tool for all children at some point. The key is ensuring your kids know they are loved, even when you’re firm. While you lie awake regretting your words at the dinner table or an argument over skinny jeans, your children have likely moved on.

If you poll friends or family, they’ll likely admit to tiring of their own voices repeating the same instructions. At some point, there’s no gentle way to say something for the hundredth time, and the guilt creeps in. Your dreams of being a “cool” parent or your child’s friend fade as you worry you’re too strict.

The best approach is to reset each day. Let yesterday’s arguments and frustrations fade with the sunset. Explain to your children that their behavior sometimes forces you to be a stricter parent than you’d like, and you deserve their respect. Seek better ways to communicate, keeping perspective on what truly matters. Instead of lying in bed beating yourself up, learn to let go. Your children forgive you—now it’s time to forgive yourself.