Over the past few decades, dating has taken on many new meanings. There is speed dating, online dating, blind dating, long distance dating and of course the traditional dating where you actually meet a person face to face and try to ascertain a connection based on chemistry. But no matter how you date, or whom you date – the search for Mr. and Mrs. Right is riddled with opportunities to be judgmental. If you have found yourself dating around – and still cannot seem to find anyone good enough, or compatible enough – then perhaps the problem lies within you. Maybe you are too picky, or perhaps your bulleted list of must have qualities in a partner belong to a human being that has never been created yet? The question of course is Are Mr. and Mrs. Right really available?
Let’s be real! If you are dating, then you must know – or at least entertain the idea that there is not a single person alive who does not come with some sort of baggage or irritating idiosyncrasies. If you have dated hundreds of people and still cannot find the qualities that you are looking for – couldn’t it be that you are looking for too much? If your girlfriend is perfect in all ways, yet her laugh feels like nails on a chalkboard, maybe you could overlook it. If your boyfriend is a doll, but has slept with 178 women before you – maybe you could forget his past? If your date does everything right but is a lousy tipper – then maybe (just maybe) you could handle the tipping and not see it as a sign that he or she is not the right person for you. If your girlfriend has al the right qualities but
Of course, there are certain things that are just deal breakers. Lousy in bed? Move on. Abusive? Move on. No work ethic or a moocher? Move on. Too attached to his or her parents. Move on. Doesn’t ever want kids and you do? End it. Is mean to children or animals? That’s a sign of a crazy individual and you might as well kiss him or her goodbye. These are the types of things that will only cause big divides should you decide to settle and stay. In other words, be clear on your ‘deal breakers’ but don’t have so many that not even your dog is allowed to share your bed.
The phrase, “Don’t sweat the small stuff” definitely applies to those that are dating. The older you are – the more baggage your dates and prospective relationship partners will carry. Your best bet, rather than try to pick them apart and find reasons to NOT be together (especially if overall you enjoy his or her company) is to learn to overlook. Remember, no one is perfect! Would you want someone judging you for your past, or picking apart every part of your being? Do you think that a man or woman exists who doesn’t have some annoying quality, or less than perfect report card? If so, you are likely destined for a life of solitude and have read too many romance novels and set the bar too high for any one to reach.
This is not to suggest that you just settle. That you should just find someone ‘good enough’ rather than be alone. But most men and women who complain that they cannot find the right person – despite their efforts to do so, have subconsciously created a dating expectation that can never met. Maybe on purpose. After all, it’s easier to have a multitude of excuses why each and every person you date doesn’t measure up. It’s easy to pick out the bad qualities or annoying habits of others and write those folks off in order to stay alone. The best way to deal with any fear of commitment is to blame others for not being good enough, right?
Chances are – you aren’t so perfect either. Plus, love and commitment and partnerships are all about compromise and understanding and respect. If you come home from every date making itemized lists of things you liked and things you didn’t like about a potential mate, then you might be over-thinking the whole dating thing. And you also might be suffering from a case of thinking your better than everyone else, which likely doesn’t make you much fun to date either.
Dating should be fun. It should be entertaining. Bad dates and bad relationships come along so that you can know when you are having a good relationship or good date. If you never dated a jerk or a complete drama queen – it would be difficult to separate the good dates from the bad dates. Take it all in stride. And when you meet that certain person that seems to have most of it altogether – then throw your fears to the wayside, saddle up and try to enjoy the relationship rather than needle and pick it apart in order to give yourself an out. Who knows – the girl with the goofy laugh, or the dude who gives the lousy tips may just be your Mr. or Mrs. Right!
