Let’s face it: we all keep secrets from our spouses. There are things we just don’t want them to know. For example, who has told their partner everything about their old boyfriends or girlfriends? But just because every couple keeps secrets, does that mean it’s okay?
The truth is that yes, some secrets are acceptable in a relationship. However, some are not. In fact, certain secrets are essential to share with your spouse in order to maintain a healthy and vibrant relationship. Others are really no big deal, and it doesn’t matter if they’re kept secret or not. Unfortunately, there’s no golden rule about what secrets are okay and what secrets aren’t; it truly depends on various factors.
Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself to help you decide whether your particular secrets should be kept or revealed:
1. Would my spouse really care?
If it’s a secret that your spouse wouldn’t care about, then there’s really no point in keeping it a secret. Ironically, it’s okay to keep these kinds of secrets because they wouldn’t care anyway. However, if it’s something your spouse would find important, then it shouldn’t be kept a secret. Keeping something secret that your spouse considers important is a major relationship violation and can undermine trust.
2. Am I keeping this secret to protect myself or my spouse?
Are you keeping a secret because you know you’ll face consequences if they find out? If so, it’s not okay to hide it from them, and you probably shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Conversely, if you’re trying to shield your spouse from unnecessary worry or anguish, then this kind of little secret might be acceptable. Sometimes, protecting someone from unnecessary hurt is justifiable.
3. How consequential is the secret?
If the secret significantly affects your spouse’s future, they need to know about it. For instance, if you’re facing fines from an old mishap that will impact your financial situation for years, your spouse deserves to be informed. If it affects them financially, socially, or in any way, they need to know to plan accordingly.
4. Would your spouse want to know?
This is perhaps the most crucial question to consider. If your spouse would want to know about the secret, then they should know. Regardless of whether it’s a big or little secret, if they would want to be informed, you owe it to them to share.
These questions can help you decide whether keeping certain secrets is acceptable. Secrets can be tricky in relationships. On one hand, some may be no big deal; on the other, they can be life-changing. They’re also difficult to judge. In your friends’ relationships, certain secrets may be fine, while in yours, the same secrets could be problematic.
Ultimately, little harm comes from transparency, and even the dirtiest secrets can be addressed to foster a lively and vibrant relationship.
