It’s commonplace online, or in the media, to hear of single mothers struggling to support their children after a divorce, while the father pays nothing in support. Organizations have been set up, and millions of dollars are spent in the legal system to go after these so-called “deadbeat dads,” who are often portrayed as fleeing the system and avoiding their financial responsibilities to help raise their children. It seems only fair that a man, who shares in the responsibility of bringing a child into this world, should also share the financial burden and be involved in the child-rearing process. But what happens when these so-called “deadbeat dads” are actually men who genuinely want to help, but simply cannot afford to?
The Real Struggles of Divorced Fathers
In a one-sided legal system, where women often receive both custodial rights and support payments such as alimony and child support, men who move out of the home face significant financial challenges. When a divorce or separation occurs, a financially struggling couple suddenly has to provide for two households. Two rents, two grocery bills, two sets of utility bills. Considering that the majority of families raising children only have about two weeks’ worth of savings in the bank, it can be extremely difficult for these fathers to make ends meet and pay child support. Yet, they are often labeled by society as “deadbeat dads” and chastised by a legal system that further burdens them, sometimes even leading to bad credit due to a divorce that makes financial stability almost impossible.
There are many fathers out there who are very willing to provide both financial and emotional support to their children. However, unrealistic alimony, legal bills, and child support payments have made it nearly impossible for them to do so. In the absence of payments, many mothers and court systems simply write these men off, reduce visitation rights, and withhold the children until payment is made. Suddenly, these men, who often feel hopeless and have run out of resources, are labeled as “deadbeat dads” and lose their relationships with their children. Society views them as men who have abandoned their responsibilities.
According to studies from Canada and the US, about 85% of all children whose fathers are court-ordered to pay child support receive some form of compensation. These statistics also show a strong correlation between the regularity of payments and the frequency of contact these fathers have with their children. Similar studies also indicate that many non-custodial fathers who fail to pay child support simply cannot afford it. After all, there is no automatic increase in wages after a divorce, and as mentioned earlier, the same amount of money now needs to support two households instead of one. Legal fees from the divorce, along with the costs involved in setting up new and separate households, can quickly deplete any savings or weekly pay.
Are these fathers truly deadbeats simply because they cannot pay? Many of the men in the United States who are court-ordered to pay child support, but fail to do so, simply don’t have the means. There’s only so much blood that can come from a turnip. Even more disheartening is that despite their inability to financially support themselves and maintain another household, many of these men are still willing and able to provide emotional and parental support to their children. However, non-payment and court-ordered financial obligations often interfere with their visitation rights.
According to Dr. Phil, a well-known TV personality and psychologist, many fathers who do not have custody of their children after a divorce spiral into depression. Faced with unreasonable financial obligations and severely limited time with their children, these men (often labeled as “deadbeat dads”) are almost eliminated from the parental picture.
Certainly, there are men who are true “deadbeat dads”—men who shirk their responsibilities and do not contribute financially or emotionally to their children’s upbringing. But many experts believe the number of such men is actually lower than expected. Many fathers are simply victims of an outdated legal system that still assumes men are incapable of taking care of their children. This stigma needs to be reevaluated. While some individuals (both men and women) neglect their responsibilities, it is unfair to equate a father’s ability to pay child support directly with whether he is a deadbeat dad.
The Need for Legal Reform
Laws need to change in both Canada and the US. While financial support is essential for the best interests of a child, even low-income fathers and those struggling to pay child support play an integral role in their children’s lives. Their presence is just as important. Mothers, even those facing financial struggles and dealing with fathers who cannot or do not pay, should not be allowed to use the children as pawns for personal gain. Too often, children are treated as bargaining chips, which is also unfair. The court system needs to make accurate assessments of a father’s ability to pay, and both parents should make accommodations in their household budgets to ensure that the children get what they need, while also allowing the parents to provide for themselves.
Before rushing to label a father as a “deadbeat” based solely on child support payments, we should take a step back and reevaluate not only the importance of a father’s presence in his child’s life, but also a realistic assessment of his ability to provide excessive amounts of child support.
The best scenario for the children is for separated or divorced couples to prioritize what is best for the kids. Instead of publicly attacking one another, resorting to name-calling, or making the kids suffer due to financial troubles, both parents should find ways to move on with their lives while working together to care for their children.
