The latest label given to certain groups of overprotective, over-controlling, and over-involved parents is “helicopter parenting.” When most adults raising children today were kids themselves, they played outside in the yard. After-school activities were free-for-alls where kids banded together to form backyard games of basketball or kickball. When problems arose in the group, kids managed just fine to smooth things over. They didn’t come home until they heard their mother’s calls at dusk, asking them to come in for dinner.
Today, parents are involved in nearly every single extracurricular activity their children do. Often, they harass coaches, provide kids with Gatorade and orange slices, and offer overzealous words of encouragement and praise for every move their children make. Watch the American Idol auditions, and you’ll see that parents are often the primary facilitators of false hope, buying into the idea that every child can do anything they set their mind to.
The Rise of Helicopter Parenting
Are you a helicopter parent? According to many research studies and new information from every corner of the parenting community, you probably are. Parents today are encouraged to be involved and engaged in their children’s lives. Many things have changed since our parents were parents.
Many people blame the rise of helicopter parenting on the Baby Einstein recordings released in the early 1990s, which “proved” to parents that early, overzealous involvement and control of their child’s life could lead to a more successful future. Sociologists also believe that the helicopter parenting phenomenon was further perpetuated by the fears instilled in parents during the 9/11 tragedy in the United States and news reports of incidents like Columbine. After these events, homeschooling in the United States increased by a whopping 33%, a shift in parenting that had previously been unprecedented.
Even with dated cries from educators for parents to be more involved, with school systems practically begging parents to partner with teachers and administrators on the home front, few expected the seemingly socially acceptable bar of helicopter parenting to be raised so high.
Unfortunately, many didn’t consider how a generation of kids, so used to being coddled and controlled by well-meaning adults, would function in the “real world” without the constant support of mom and dad.
Most experts feel this new generation of children will have great difficulty in the real world, where criticism and expectations will collide daily. After years of not learning how to be independent or self-sufficient, how will they cope with problems and react to tense situations where messages aren’t delivered with kid gloves? After all, these kids have never had to settle a scuffle during a backyard game of basketball without parental involvement or political correctness. Yet, they will be expected to make important decisions and take responsibility for themselves once they reach a certain age.
Experts believe that as these children of helicopter parents evolve into the workplace, they will have to work ten times as hard to solve problems and survive on their own without relying on the excess parental involvement they have come to expect. Years of having their thirst quenched by soccer moms with pickle juice and frozen water bottles will leave them less independent and likely easily frustrated by the challenges and trials that come with adulthood. Many helicopter children will be left thirsty—and likely frustrated.
One of the most socially accepted and natural courses of growth for a child is the development of independence from the family unit. Children should always be encouraged to make decisions, understand the direct correlation between behavior and consequence, and gain life experience of their own without it being cushioned by parental coddling. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case when helicopter parenting takes over.
The best thing for parents today is to strike a balance between involvement and independence. When children learn to trust that they have been raised well and can make healthy decisions, parents can gradually release control. Parents need to let go of some of their fears about raising children so they can set their children free. In other words, ground the helicopter at appropriate times so the children can one day take flight on their own.
If you are a helicopter parent, take heart. Realize that your efforts to protect and control are done out of love and conditioning from a world that feels unsafe and unstable. Have faith in your children—and most importantly, have faith in the fact that you have raised them to succeed in life. There is nothing wrong with support, but being the crutches your child relies on only disables them completely.
