Learning to enjoy solitude is a valuable skill. Many people, from childhood, struggle to find happiness in their own thoughts and time alone. As they grow, this can lead to a constant need for romantic or social partnerships to feel complete. Unfortunately, for those afraid of being alone, life often becomes a cycle of relationships, bouncing from one person to the next. What they seek in others—self-worth and trust—is something they must first cultivate within themselves to build successful, healthy relationships.
Are you afraid of being alone? Does this fear drive you to choose one bad relationship after another?
An article from Psychology Today suggests that adults who fear solitude were often raised by narcissistic parents who undermined their trust in others. This fear is frequently tied to upbringing, where individuals project their need for self-worth and positive self-esteem onto others, only to find every partner falls short. When one relationship ends, they quickly seek another.
Society often stigmatizes being alone, tying relationship status to self-worth and success. The pressure to couple up implies that being single is abnormal or a personal failure. Questions like “Will you ever get married?” or “Why don’t you have a partner?” reinforce this, as do attempts to set single people up. This pressure starts young and intensifies with age, making terms like “introverted” or “odd” feel like insults. Some even face scrutiny about their sexuality for choosing solitude.
Building a Stronger Relationship with Yourself
While abundant resources teach how to find a partner, maintain relationships, or make marriages last, less focus is given to the most critical relationship: the one with yourself. This lack leads many to neglect self-discovery, unsure of who they are, what they believe, or their life’s purpose.
Those who buy into the notion that relationships define success often end up in unhealthy, unhappy partnerships, fearing solitude as a worse alternative. Focusing on another person or relationship is easier than taking responsibility for one’s own happiness, creating a vicious cycle. Experts believe that valuing yourself and enjoying your own company is essential to appreciating others. Knowing your values, beliefs, and goals helps you choose compatible partners for loving relationships. For many in abusive relationships—whether emotional or physical—the fear of being alone often keeps them trapped, choosing abuse over abandonment.
If you’ve been moving from one relationship to another, it’s time for self-exploration. Try self-help classes, read self-help books, or pursue activities that fulfill you. Initially, you may feel lost, but over time, you’ll grow to enjoy solitude. Visit a restaurant alone, listen to your inner voice, and focus on loving who you are. Engage in creative pursuits, keep a journal, and build self-esteem before entering another relationship. Only then can you attract a partner who truly accepts you.
Dating is challenging enough, but when someone seeks a partner to fill a personal void, it complicates matters further. Relying on a partner to “make YOU happy” places undue pressure on them. No one can make you happy unless you choose to prioritize your own happiness first.
The fear of being alone, known as monophobia, may stem from upbringing, societal pressures, or even growing up in a large family where solitude was rare. The good news? With effort, you can overcome this fear and realize that, in both good times and bad, you are enough to find true happiness.
