Recently, an article in Hitched Magazine highlighted that the number one problem in dysfunctional or failing marriages is that partners take advantage of one another. It’s easy to do, really. You become so accustomed to your partner being there—part of the scenery, so to speak—and to the little acts that make them special that you eventually stop noticing. You might even feel as if your partner owes you something or that they don’t mind constantly checking items off the “honey-do” list simply because you are married.
Taking advantage of your spouse is no different from taking advantage of anything else. If you experienced a power outage, you would quickly realize how grateful you are for electricity. If your water was turned off, you’d understand how much you rely on it throughout the day. If your car broke down, you would face the reality of your dependency on it. Unfortunately, in marriage, by the time people realize they should appreciate their partner—or that they have taken advantage of them—time may have run out, and feelings may be damaged to the point that divorce may seem imminent.
Sometimes, you might take advantage of your spouse without even realizing it. Some people are naturally good providers who genuinely enjoy making others happy. However, this inclination to please shouldn’t be exploited. Just because they love to do nice things for you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t return the favor by expressing gratitude, even for the little things.
How can you avoid this? Take this quiz to see if you are taking advantage of your spouse:
How many times per day do you ask your spouse to do something for you? When they go to the kitchen, do you automatically ask them to bring you a drink or turn on the coffee pot? Do you expect them to run to the store for you?
Do you say thank you for the little and big things they do for you? Far too often, people who take advantage of others forget to express gratitude, which shows a significant lack of respect.
Do you check your phone or respond to texts while in the middle of a conversation with them? In successful marriages, spouses prioritize one another. Not doing so can indicate that you might be taking advantage of them.
When conversations become heated, do you tend to “tune out” or ignore the situation? Do you control discussions by raising your voice or saying hurtful things? This behavior can exploit your partner’s inability to speak up and can be a form of taking advantage.
Do you get more than you give in the relationship? If it seems lopsided—meaning one person consistently gives more—then chances are someone is being taken advantage of.
Do you ask your partner about their day, their feelings, or their work? People who only focus on themselves often take advantage of others.
Is your partner showing signs of resentment? If so, they may feel taken advantage of. Conversely, if you are feeling resentful, it may indicate that you are being taken advantage of as well.
Do you offer to help? If you see your spouse cleaning or mowing the lawn, do you offer to assist, or do you simply sit back and let them handle it?
Who usually gets their way in the relationship? If one person tends to dominate decisions, that person may be feeling taken advantage of.
Marriage is supposed to be forever. The truth is, very few people are willing to be doormats for the rest of their lives. Being taken advantage of by someone you love is heartbreaking and can irreparably damage a relationship over time. Chances are you don’t take advantage of your spouse (or vice versa) intentionally; it often results from routine and complacency. Just as a garden needs water to thrive, a marriage requires mutual respect and love.
Take a moment to think of ten things you would miss about your spouse if they were no longer in your life. How many of those do you take for granted on a daily basis? Reflect on the ways your spouse goes out of their way to make you happy. Are you thankful for them? Do you easily return the favor? Marriage is about equality in a relationship. While each of you may contribute differently, both must bring gratitude to the table every day.
