When Attending a Gay Wedding for the First Time
Gay weddings have attracted more attention than the community would have preferred in recent years. While media attention and political heat have died down—at least until the next election—gay weddings remain just as strong, if not stronger. While the barrier between straight and gay individuals has been eroded through long-lasting friendships and honorable people, many straight people still freeze with apprehension when they receive their first gay wedding invitation. Attending a gay wedding for the first time can be a scary proposition for anyone, gay or straight.
Gay individuals may feel as though they should already know what to expect. After all, they’re supposed to be part of this community, right? On the other hand, straight people fear making fools of themselves, as if there’s a secret code the lesbian and gay community operates by, and they fear they might not have the password to get in the door. Relax. It’s not that difficult. After all, the gay community is made up of people—people who love, honor, want, dream, hurt, cry, and bleed just as the straight community does. Don’t be scared; be honored that you have been invited to share in something as sacred as the exchange of loving vows between two committed people who want to make a life for themselves.
Understanding Gay Weddings
One of the greatest misconceptions about gay and lesbian individuals is that we all fit into some preconceived mold, and that our weddings must be outlandish. It’s simply not true. We are as unique as anyone else, and there is no standard for a gay wedding, other than the desire to see them legalized everywhere to protect the people we love.
Some gay and lesbian couples follow the same traditions as straight couples, with engagement rings, flower girls, and best friends standing beside them. In a purely lesbian wedding, both women may wear gowns, or one may wear a gown while the other opts for a tuxedo. This doesn’t mean anything more than one person is more comfortable in a tuxedo while the other is not. There is a difference between being transgendered and being gay. In a gay wedding, one man may wear a tuxedo while the other wears a gown, but this is rare and more likely to happen in transgendered weddings. It’s not uncommon for gay and lesbian weddings to follow the same basic structure as a straight ceremony.
Alternatively, some gay and lesbian couples completely reject any traditions associated with the straight community. After all, we fight hard for acceptance, and sometimes it’s healthier to create our own traditions. Many gay couples reverse the finger on which wedding rings are worn, trade customary wedding attire for something more fitting to their personal style, and even perform ceremonies that don’t resemble traditional straight weddings.
Most gay and lesbian couples arrange something that falls somewhere in between. The only thing you can truly expect when attending a gay wedding for the first time is that you won’t know exactly what to expect. Even when tradition seems to reign, there’s always something unique about a gay wedding.
Many straight people are often taken aback by their own level of emotion when attending a gay wedding for the first time—or even the hundredth time. Unlike straight weddings, gay weddings often bring forth an overwhelming amount of emotion from the guests. This is because, while we all understand straight weddings, most people don’t fully understand a gay wedding until they experience it. And it’s a powerful thing to witness, especially considering that, above everything else, a gay wedding reminds us exactly why people marry in the first place.
Once, the battle raged over interracial weddings. Now, with gay weddings becoming a hot topic, many people forget that in the middle of the controversy are two people who love each other more than life, who want the same things as everyone else. When you witness the exchange of such love, which succeeds despite discrimination, whether you’re gay or straight, you can’t help but be moved by the dignity and grace it takes for these two special people to face the world together. They cling to the one thing that keeps all of us sane in the face of unsatisfactory conditions: love. These are the things that make us pledge to the underdog and hope for impossible dreams. These are the things we all want, regardless of our sexual orientation.
As you witness this magical event, your fears will fade away, and you’ll realize that you had the secret password all along. If something seems unusual or strays from tradition, there will usually be an explanation or someone to guide you. But the most important thing when attending a gay wedding for the first time is to come with love and acceptance in your heart, and an honest wish for the happy couple to succeed in this beautiful but challenging world.
