My wife and I have always raised our children in an atmosphere of mutual respect. It’s important to us that our girls (we have three) show proper respect to those around them, and to themselves. We believe that raising our children in an environment based on this respect will serve them well as they become contributing members of society.

Our oldest is now 14 and, although she’s still more interested in her friends than she is boys, I know the day is coming when her world will be wrapped around the comings and goings of one boy or another. In preparation for this eventuality, I’ve got my shotgun oiled and ready to ensure these boys understand I’ve got my little girl’s back.

The most important thing I can say to my baby girl is to respect herself and to demand that any boy she dates does the same. I know things have changed a lot since I was in middle school, but human nature hasn’t. That means 14-year-old boys still think like I thought when I was their age. And that’s what scares me!

According to my girls, dating at this age is more about hanging out between classes than anything else. The boys can’t drive (thank goodness) so dating options are pretty limited. And there certainly isn’t anything serious developing between the girls and boys who are dating. I hear about break ups daily. So it’s primarily the preparation stages for high school, when things can get more serious.

Although my girls don’t want to talk to me about specific boys, I still try to talk to them in general terms about what to expect and require when they start dating. Maybe I’m too old fashioned, but I expect a young man to go out of his way to show that he values my little girl (she’ll always be my baby, regardless of age). These displays can be as simple as opening doors for her or waiting patiently while she finishes getting ready. One thing that will automatically make me grab my shotgun is honking the car horn when he pulls into the driveway. If he’s too lazy to get out of the car and walk to the door, he’s too lazy to date my daughter. And if you don’t know how to use a belt to keep your pants up, you’re not going to be on my favorites list.

Of course the decision will be theirs when it comes to whom they date. We can only advise and prepare them for the adventure. I won’ t kid myself by thinking I’ll like every boy they date, but I can hope they’ll trust their core values when it comes time to consider spending their life together.

I’m still not sure what position I’ll take on curfews. When I was growing up, my parents wanted to know when I thought I’d be home. If it looked like I may be late, I always called to check in first. In a world where kids in first grade have their own cell phones, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Call me, text me, leave a post on my Facebook wall. As long as I know she is safe and being responsible, I’ll probably be content if she’s out late. She’s got to keep it reasonable, though. If she strolls in at 4am, we’re going to have big problems.

Prom nights have changed a lot since I was young. The dance is just the warm-up now. There are after-parties at hotels that run all night in some cases. I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, but I can’t imagine I’d be able to sleep if one of my girls is out that late. And my middle daughter is only 1’½ years younger than her sister, so it’s likely I’ll have both out late. The good news is that it’s also common to attend these events in large groups. I’ll feel better if I know there are several other couples in the group.

Another piece of advice I’ll offer is to wait until after college to get married. Some may disagree with me on this one, but I can’t imagine how anyone can split their attention between a new marriage and finishing school. Both require tremendous effort, and neither would be well served with less than one’s full focus.

In the end, I’m confident all three of our girls will find men who respect them and treat them well. They are strong young ladies and we’ve taught them to expect the best from the people with whom they spend time. But just in case, I’ve got my shotgun ready.

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My youngest daughter is seven, and she’s by far the easiest to shop for. At this age, the most important thing is that there are presents, not necessarily what’s inside. As long as she can play with it, she’s happy. She even pretends to appreciate the various articles of clothing mixed in with the toys. Of course, the “must-have” toy of the year plays into her wish list, but she’s not too picky.

As the Kids Get Older, Shopping Gets Tougher
My middle daughter is twelve, and it starts to get more challenging with her. The social structure of her peer group is more developed, so clothing choices are now more important. Everything has to be trendy while still practical. Shoes are a bigger deal for girls these days than when I was young—I don’t remember the girls in school caring about what shoes they wore. And the “toys” get more expensive at this age, too. No longer are Barbies acceptable, although she still plays with her little sister from time to time. Today’s tweenagers are more interested in the latest cell phone or MP3 player. Music is the great equalizer across generations. While we listened to different genres, music is still just as important today as it was 30 years ago.

My oldest daughter is fourteen. I’m sure it will only get worse as she gets older, but she’s already pretty expensive. The clothes now need to be brand name, and the price of electronics is starting to melt my wallet. She thinks she “needs” her own laptop now, and her headphones must be studio quality. It’s interesting to see how she interacts with her friends when it comes to gift-giving. They get quite creative in their gifts, and they’re almost always linked to an inside joke. Since when did an orange with a face drawn on it become an acceptable gift? But the whole group of girls burst out laughing when it was opened, so I guess it was the perfect gift.

As it always turns out, they love everything regardless of the content of the package. When you are engaged in your children’s lives, the right gift idea seems to naturally come to mind. Whether it’s something related to a hobby or an extracurricular activity, being an active part of your child’s life is the best way to ensure you get the right gift.

When it comes to shopping, I just can’t do the mall thing. It’s too crowded this time of year, and it takes too long to browse the stores. I can get much more done online in the relative peace and quiet of my house. While many people line up at midnight on Black Friday to get good deals at stores, I shop on Cyber Monday to get the best deals online. Don’t forget to search for coupons that will add to your savings. Then, just sit back and wait for the packages to arrive at your doorstep.

The last thing to consider is stocking stuffers. This area is wide open for creative ideas. Great stocking gift ideas range from candy to jewelry. My girls love to get hair clips, fancy ponytail ties, earrings, makeup (for my oldest), and lip gloss. These are all small items, so you can save yourself the hassle of trying to wrap a stick of lip gloss by simply putting it in the stocking. Gift cards are another great idea for stockings. A gift card for their favorite store will ensure they get exactly what they want without any concern. I usually stick to iTunes gift cards, since I never know what kind of music they want anyway. A few pieces of special candy, like Lindor balls, always top off the stocking. Stockings are usually done after the presents under the tree, as the girls are winding down, so the smaller things help them calm down after all the excitement.

Another thing to keep in mind is gift-equality. You may not remember doing it yourself, but kids will always add up their gifts and compare them to their siblings. This is usually seen in the younger kids, since the older ones realize their gifts are more expensive, so they get fewer. It can lead to a tense discussion on Christmas morning about the true meaning of the holiday.

In the end, there’s nothing quite like the satisfaction of seeing the joy on their faces on Christmas morning as they tear into the wrapping paper.

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