It won’t be when you expect him to come back or when you want him to come back but, odds are, he is coming back. He may call you or ask to meet for coffee, but he will soon re-access the situation and wonder if he made the wrong decision in leaving.

Heck, it could be tomorrow or 2 years from now, maybe even after a divorce from another woman, but he is going to have a weak moment and want to talk to you about the possibilities that lie ahead. Why? Because he had great memories with you and they are haunting him.

Take solace in this fact.

The Mistakes Women Make

I get it. When the breakup first happens, you’re devastated. All you want is a glass of wine, a hot bat and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. I know and that’s fine for a very short time but, if you want him to come back, you need to wash out the wine glass and put down the spoon! You’ve got work to do!

This is the mistake many women make. They don’t do the work to make the necessary changes while they’re single. Chances are he left because:

• You lacked confidence
• You acted jealous
• You relied on him for money
• You made him your hobby
• You weren’t challenging him
• You stopped being mysterious
• Or a myriad of other things I discuss in my books

Why should anything be different between you when he comes back if you’re both still the same?

Let’s fast forward to the moment where he has his weak moment and contacts you. The two of you get back together and things may be great for a week or two, maybe even three, but eventually, he will be reminded of those items on the list above and he’s gone again, this time probably for good.

Your moment of reconciliation is lost. Are you getting this?

If one of you doesn’t change, why would you expect the relationship to?

It won’t. And you will be back to the wine and ice cream, emailing me to ask what went wrong.

I get it. You are heart broken and making yourself a better person is the last thing you can do when you are down and out. Hey, I also realize that the break may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his inability to love. But you can’t see this in your current state.

If you know he is going to come back, and my research says he will, this your motivation to stop crying and start to make positive changes! If you do, your mind is clear to reflect on what went wrong and if he is even worthy of a second chance to begin with.

Now you have created a win/win scenario. He has his weak moment and sees the new and improved you and his jaw drops! The things that drove him crazy are gone. All of a sudden, his DNA kicks in and he goes into chase mode like the old days. Game on!

You? You are looking at him through a new lens. Suddenly, your ex doesn’t seem so spectacular anymore and you take him off that undeserving pedestal you had him on for so long. You are thinking with your head this time and not your heart like you did in the old days when you had no confidence.

Will your ex make the cut? He may or he may not. The more important thing is that you hold the cards now and he doesn’t! You decide if you will allow him back and if you do, he darn well better make changes himself or you will dump him! He knows that if he doesn’t change, other men will be knocking at your door – men who do meet your demands!

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There’s nothing worse than being used by a man. Users are what I call “wet kittens.” You take them in, they pee on your rug, and then they leave without saying goodbye and without reason. They’re also hard to spot because they don’t show their true colors until you’re firmly committed, and once you’re in a relationship with one, he’ll be nearly-impossible to shake until he has sucked the life out of you!

There is no excuse for staying with a man like this. Read the tea leaves below, and if he’s guilty of more than a couple of these, send the wet kitten to the shelter!

Sign 1: He has relied on your income for a month or more.

Unless you’re married, there is absolutely no excuse to carry a man financially. And by “carry a man,” I mean you’re paying for more than just a night on the town every couple of weeks. If he can’t pay his phone bill, rent, or some other critical item, it’s time to reassess your status with him. Even if he gets laid off from work, a guy who truly likes you would be horrified to ask you for money. He’ll either step up and find another job before his cash runs out, cut back on his expenses, or both.

Sign 2: He is proud of what you have—and wants to show it off to people.

Wet kittens are drawn to people who have what they want. This could be something as small as the new iPhone, or as large as a penthouse on the Florida Keys. A user will want to date you solely for the purpose of dating someone who has those things. Consider it like raising your status without having to do anything at all. If you’re dating someone who has everything you want, it’s the next best thing to having it yourself. This isn’t always about possessions, either. Status can come out of being famous or well-known for something, too.

Sign 3: He only calls when he’s having a bad day.

If you’ve noticed the guy you’re dating only calls when he’s frustrated, depressed or horny, it’s a huge warning sign you are being used by a man. Quality men in relationships aren’t always on the lookout for an emotional handout, so if you notice this happening a lot, you need to take a stand and talk to him about it.

This is by far the most difficult type of user to get away from. Sometimes these individuals are mentally unhealthy and will actually rely on you as their emotional support because they can’t find it anywhere else. At worst, these individuals will make statements like “I would kill myself without you,” or “I’d be lost if I didn’t have you to talk to.” This compounds your own guilt feelings and prolongs the relationship for months—if not years.

Sign 4: He doesn’t listen, doesn’t make plans, and can’t remember your birthday.

A user isn’t thinking about you until he wants something from you. He’s not going to care about your feelings or wants because it means he has to take action and do something for you. If you feel like you’re being ignored, or he seems conveniently busy on days that are special to you, it’s time to see the dude to the door.

Sign 5: You have the suspicious feeling that you’re the only one taking responsibility in the relationship.

Relationship duties are ideally split right down the middle. You’re both paying the bills and you’re both cleaning up around the house. It doesn’t always work like this of course, and you have to take your own situation into account. But if you feel as though you’re always working and he’s always lounging around or doing something fun, you need to address it.

All relationships have issues with this, so don’t automatically assume you’re being used. Talk to him first to find out how you can split the workload better. If he only puts up a token resistance, but agrees to help out more, you’re fine, but if he argues with you and tries to switch the blame, you may want to take a closer look at your relationship.

If you’re here, chances are you already suspect you’re being used by the guy you’re dating. My best advice is to ignore all of the emotional responses you have for the guy—just put them out of your head—and look at it from a logical standpoint. What does your intuition say? Are the scales pretty even or do you feel like you’re the only one actually putting effort into the relationship?  If so, it’s probably time to break it off for good.

The wet kitten is a unique critter. To better understand him, download my free infographic! You’ll never be fooled again!

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