Spirituality is the action taken to cultivate and strengthen our internal spirit (aka soul, essence, true nature). When our spirit is strong, we are naturally more resilient, meaning we can easily bounce back from adversity. Therefore, the practice of spirituality truly is the path to resilience.

I believe most people accept and easily understand the concept of the internal spirit in relation to the body, and that we are not our bodies. In fact, we are not even our thoughts or our emotions. We are the conscious observer of these experiences. Yet, beyond this basic notion, there is much spiritual confusion, especially when it comes to spiritual practice. A key concept to clarify, since it is through spiritual practice that the strengthening of the spirit and resulting resilience occurs.

One of my favorite analogies to help foster spiritual clarity, is relative to the overall concept of “physical” fitness. Spirituality is to resilience as exercise is to physical fitness. When we practice spirituality, we are building our mental and emotional muscles stronger. As the spirit grows stronger, we become more spiritually fit and naturally more resilient. In fact, spirituality is so powerful that it positively impacts every aspect of our overall health and wellbeing, including the physical body.

There are a variety of ways in which we can choose to physically exercise the body. Similarly, there are many ways we can choose to practice spirituality. For example, many people choose to practice spirituality through religion. Yet, religion is not the only way to practice spirituality.

In fact, one could argue there are many people who are religious who are not spiritually fit. This is one of the most common areas where spiritual confusion arises, with this idea that spirituality is synonymous with religion. When, in fact, religion is only one of many different ways to practice spirituality.

To further clarify, let’s expand upon the exercise analogy. There are many people who have a gym membership, and utilize the resources provided at a gym to exercise their body and build their physical muscle strength. There are also many different types of gyms. Many, arguably most, who belong to a gym also exercise outside of the gym.

There are also many who regularly exercise and don’t belong to a gym. And let’s not forget the person who may go to the gym, but then spends all their time socializing or otherwise isn’t engaged in putting any true effort into building their physical muscle strength while they’re at the gym.

Likewise, there are many people who belong to a religious group and practice spirituality through their membership in that group. Many of these individuals will also practice spirituality in a variety of other ways aside from their religion. And, of course, there are many who belong to a religious organization, but are not truly engaging in any spiritual practice. They are simply going through the motions, much like the person at the gym who isn’t really exercising.

There are also those who practice spirituality in many ways that don’t ever include religion. The strength of your spirit and your resilience is not predicated on any religious involvement or membership. The strengthening of the spirit occurs when we connect with people, places and experiences that strengthen the mindset and cultivate positive emotions. As such, spirituality is both universal and personal relative to the when, where, and how this strengthening of the spirit occurs.

One of the most powerful ways to practice spirituality is through the consistent cultivation of universal spiritual principles, such as courage, compassion, gratitude, forgiveness, and love. Mindfulness and other meditative exercises are a common within-self practice that helps individuals to cultivate these spiritual principles.

Some other examples that will be more personal to the individual, are practicing spirituality through connecting with nature, relationships with others (such as service or volunteerism), and/or artistic pursuits (such as music and art). Physical exercise, in and of itself, is also a spiritual practice. You may utilize one or many different resources to practice spirituality and strengthen your spirit to become more resilient.

Clearly, there are also many different ways the spirit can become weakened, such as through grief, trauma, and any mental or physical illness. Spiritual practice will strengthen the spirit that has been weakened, just like exercise will strengthen a weakened muscle.

Consistent spiritual practice will maintain your spiritual strength and provide you with more resilience to bounce back from adversities. Identifying what spiritual practices you enjoy and implementing them into your routine on a consistent basis is your path to resilience.

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One is in the element of suffering that is present, along with a desire to alleviate that suffering. Compassion is innate and arises out of loving kindness as a natural response to suffering or pain, but there is also the element of action.

Having compassion means that you take action to offer kindness and understanding when failure, mistakes or misfortune are experienced, rather than criticizing, condemning, or otherwise judging harshly. If the suffering is experienced within oneself, the desire and action taken to alleviate that suffering, is called self-compassion.

Compassion versus Empathy

Compassion is most commonly confused with empathy. Yet, there are some key differences between empathy and compassion. According to the Oxford Dictionary, “Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Empathy is that comforting “me too” experience that creates connection. Compassion also serves to create a sense of connection. However, compassion is not a feeling, it’s an action.

The two main differences between compassion and empathy are the element of suffering that exists and the desire to take action to alleviate that suffering. Suffering may or may not exist when experiencing empathy, but not necessarily. Also, you can feel empathy for someone, identify with their feelings and perhaps even their experience, without a desire to take action.

Compassion versus Sympathy

Sympathy is different from both empathy and compassion in that it’s generally a feeling of sorrow for someone else’s misfortune. It’s also an expression of care and concern that is often accompanied by a desire to see that person happier. With compassion, there is a recognition of the other person’s emotional state and a desire to take action to help alleviate their suffering. Similar to the experience of empathy, you can feel sympathy for someone with or without the desire to take action to alleviate their suffering.

Compassion versus Pity

Pity is also commonly confused with compassion, but they are two very different concepts. Pity is a feeling of concern for someone thought to be inferior or weaker than oneself and will generally result in a feeling of separation and disconnection, since pity is rooted in a sense of superiority. Whereas compassion is recognizing the weakened state and taking action to help the individual, while not treating that person as inferior. It means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfections are all part of the shared human experience.

Self-Compassion

The practice of compassion begins with acknowledging our own suffering and cultivating more loving kindness toward ourselves. According to Buddhist philosophy, we must care about ourselves before we are able to care about other people. If we are continually judging and criticizing ourselves while trying to be kind to others, it will only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.

When we connect with our innate compassion, we contact our true nature, strengthen our spirit, and allow others to do the same. Self-compassion is the purest form of self-love and aside from the many health benefits, including reduced stress, increased happiness, and increased social connectedness, it provides an ability to be more compassionate toward others, and results in greater overall resilience.

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Like all experiences of grief, we will not simply forget with time or just eventually get over it, but we can, and we will get through it.  We can get through it, we can heal, and we can become stronger and more resilient because of our experience.

Grieving is so multi-dimensional and impacts every aspect of our being.  It’s our mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical response to loss.  According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, there are Five Stages to Grief:  1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, and 5. Acceptance.  These stages are not necessarily linear and it’s possible to cycle through them over and over again.

The value, as I see it and as I’ve experienced it, is in noting where I am within the stages of grief and then using that knowledge to take action toward acceptance and healing.  I believe that healing is one of the stages that is missing from this model.

The healing stage, the stage where we start to grow in our strength and resilience, the stage where we begin to recover from the devastation of the loss, is only possible once we’ve reached the acceptance stage.  Acceptance may come quickly for some, and yet may be a long process for others.  Some will reach acceptance and cycle back into denial, possibly repeatedly.

The healing stage, however, is generally slow and can be quite painful in and of itself, regardless of how quickly we may have reached the acceptance stage.  This stage requires action.

Here are 7 tips to that will help you gain more strength and resilience as you move through the healing process:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve: Allow yourself the time and space to heal. Giving yourself permission and time to heal is an critical part of the grieving process.
2. Cry, It’s Good for You: Crying is healthy and a natural part of the grieving process. If you’re feeling emotional, don’t hold back.  Keeping it all in may make it worse and could make it harder to move forward in the healing process.  Not everyone will need to cry to process their grief, but for those who do, it will help.
3. Talk About It: Talking about it will help release some of the intense emotions that are associated with grief. One of the signs that we are healing is when we lose the desire or need to talk about it.
4. Write it Down: Journaling your thoughts and feelings is a healthy way of expressing the way you feel and honoring your grief. Studies have shown that writing and journaling can improve our mental health.
5. Get connected: Support groups are powerful. Talking about our grief is helpful but talking about our grief with others who are experiencing similar losses or going through the same process, will give you even more strength and resilience.
6. Count Your Blessings: It may be hard at first but focusing on the things that you’re grateful for will help you process any negative emotions. In fact, there are often blessings that are overlooked when all we are doing is focusing on our losses.
7. Get Professional Help: This will be beneficial, especially if you find yourself stuck somewhere in the grieving cycle. For many, the entire healing and recovery process will be much more manageable with help from a professional counselor or therapist.

While it’s important to be mindful of the impact of grief and the grieving process, there is no specific timetable for healing grief.  One of the most important things you can do is allow yourself time to grieve, be kind and gentle with yourself, and seek professional help if you find yourself stuck.  Taking action will help you move forward no matter what stage you are experiencing.

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