I wrestle with how to teach genuine encounter because I am not sure adults know they are doing it. I hold workshops about genuine encounter and the people who come already know how important it is. The people who need to come scoff at the information.  Here are 3 ways to build a trusting relationship through genuine encounter.

1. Just because it rhymes, doesn’t mean it works: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” “Suck it up buttercup.” “Easy peazy lemon squeezy.” If you were to say these statements to adults, they would, for sure, let you know what they thought. It wouldn’t be well received and there may be some hitting involved. We try to make it cutesy for children. Move from cutesy to genuine, enter real conversation. Answer questions with an explanation. Tell them the reason for your decision. Invite them to share the power and find a solution together. I bet Dr. Seuss would say stop rhyming and genuinely build trusting relationships.

2. Children are genuine detectives: Children are great detectives and can totally spot disingenuous conversation quickly. The hardest part is that they can’t bring it to anyone’s attention because they may look rude, aggressive, fresh or sassy. I always wonder what they are thinking. “Why do adults talk like that? Do they think I can’t see it? I’m not stupid!” I could read disingenuous behavior from quite a young age. It made me great at talking back, not necessarily a skill we want to teach young children.

3. Be real: I entered a child care center one time and the director spoke to me like I was 2 years old. I turned around and looked behind me to see if anyone else had just come in because I thought she couldn’t possibly be talking to me in that voice. She spoke to everyone in that voice. I heard her on the phone with her husband and she never broke character. I wonder to this day why she couldn’t just be herself. It is ok to show disappointed, joy, sadness, anger, and elation. Break the robot trance. Show emotion, be genuine, talk to children as humans. Weird, right? They may be small, but they totally get it.

Genuine encounter is my greatest strategy and strength when working with children. When they see me, they know that is exactly who I am. There are no barriers to break down, fog to wipe away, or rocks to move. I stand solid in my genuine personhood and they know it.

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Today’s world is stressful, hurried, and days flash by leaving us winded, tired, stressed and humorless. 44% of people in the US frequently feel stressed. Four in ten people say they lack the time to do all they want. (news.gallup.com) 75% of all of our doctor visits are stress related.

How did we get here? Let’s be real! We may always be here. But I wonder if we can be here while feeling more light-hearted, joyous, humorous, and vibrant. Did you stop reading at joyous, close your eyes or even roll your eyes? Humor is diffusing!

Laughter improves test scores, helps with pain tolerance, can ward off disease (livestrong.com). Humor informs our attitude towards positive experiences and the lack of it can lean us to fall into the bucket of negativity.

Once you wallow in that bucket of negativity, it is hard to get out. You will find confidants that may hold you down, pull you in further, or step on the small of your back so they may continue to have company. Bust out! Laugh! Giggle! Let’s look at the four ways to use humor as a diffusing self-care strategy. Open your toolbox, hold it wide open and let the humor seep in. I promise life is better through laughter!

1. Find your funny: Children laugh over 200 times a day and adults only laugh about 17 times in that same day. Where have you been keeping your funny? Do you even remember what you find funny? Who are the people in your life that let the playful shine? Sit and make a list of times in your life where funny was alive and vibrated through your soul. Make a plan to let those kinds of experiences back into your life.

2. Love what you do regardless of money: Raise your hand if you love your job. If you must wake up on average of five days a week hating what you walk into after a morning of rushed and scurried activity, you may fall face first into the bucket. I taught in childcare way before I became a certified behavioral consultant.

I made less than $15 per hour and laughed all day.  I gave the best under doggies. I wore “for real” sparkle shirts every Wednesday. I dressed as a clown at circle time. I let the children paint me and then played monster-paint tag. I laughed every day, until I cried or snorted. I left childcare to work with harder kids not because I would make more than $15 per hour. I wanted to bring humor to more places. My reputation precedes me. I am, now, the “funny” girl! Mission accomplished!

3. Take care of yourself: Breathe. What activities did you used to do, before the chaos set in, that counted as self-care? If you are currently rushing around like the chicken we have all heard of, head…. cut…. off, then we are less likely to relax enough to find our way out of the bucket. Find time to take care of yourself.

4. Wheel of wellness: Look at the Wheel of Wellness to see which buckets need filling. Which buckets are empty, half empty, dangerously close to causing a wellness catastrophe? Is it your social, physical, emotional, nutritional, intellectual, spiritual or financial bucket that needs vibrancy, enthusiasm, freedom or exhilaration? Once you know, find a lifter you trust and start the process of carving out humor.

Know that children can spot adults without humor, playfulness or joy a mile away. Believe that you can climb out of the bucket, even if only for minutes a day. Remember that laughing for 10 to 15 minutes burns about 40 calories. If you aren’t going to do it for wellness, do it for the abs!

Megg Thompson, a former teacher of ten years, is a Certified Behavioral Consultant and Certified Life Coach working with children, adults and families. Megg is also the founder and filler of The eMpTy Toolbox. She spends her days in both public and private schools, childcare centers, preschools and in homes helping children of all ages be at their best. Megg lives on the beach in Hampton, NH with her husband, son and “will always be a puppy” chocolate lab. For more solid information and a dash of humor visit https://meggthompson.com.

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Out of the 2.4 million weddings that happen in the US each year, 827,000 of them end up in divorce, according to time.com. Why is that?  When people first catch the eye of what was once a stranger, their idea of togetherness may look a lot different months or years afterwards. When does it become apparent that you are dating or married your opposite or someone just like you? When did it go from so much love to eye roll status? Relationships are hard!

All humans have a need for connection and belonging. Finding relationships that fuel us can be the tricky part. There can be tiring trial and error, sadness, elation and confusion. We may ask ourselves why we keep getting it wrong or why it never turns out like the movies or our romance novels. How can it be different?

Smash these 3 blocks to transformational relationships and land in a new place where happiness and love shine:

1. Hold judgement at bay: As a human it is impossible to forgo judgement all together. We are naturally aware of others and our brains have thoughts because of that awareness. What if we flipped that awareness and dug deeper into understanding? Instead of simply being aware and casting judgement, we truly see another and wonder. My best strategy with children whom I don’t understand is to ask them what they are wondering about. Let’s program our brain to wonder instead of judge. Ask thoughtful questions and train our brain to take that answer and truly make sense of it.

2. Perfect the relationship: When my husband and I were 26 we thought, well, that was a great run, time to start over with someone else. I was trying to change him, adjust his temperament, and make it easier for me. I tried dating men like myself and that was 1,000 times harder. I find myself annoying in boy form! I married a stubborn man, so I had to find a different way. I learned that I did not need to focus on perfecting him, but rather perfecting the relationship between us. Perfecting the relationship keeps you open to growth, understanding, and asking more questions.

3. Patterns are awesome: Human behavior is a pattern. When we can’t figure out another person, we turn to patterns. I went through my entire Master’s program for my teaching degree and did not know that patterns in humans are everywhere. The DISC model is always at the forefront of my thought and informs my every relationship, conversation and behavior. It is the module for challenging behaviors and self-reflection. I judge less, stay open minded more, predict what will come next and can give wonderful proactive strategies because of this crucial information. Instead of having one toolbox with strategies, we need to have at least 4 toolboxes that follow the pattern.

Relationships, connection and belonging are essential and needed to remain a healthy human. Keeping them simple is almost impossible but keeping them strong is a must!

Megg Thompson, a former teacher of ten years, is a Certified Behavioral Consultant and Certified Life Coach working with children, adults and families. Megg is also the founder and filler of The eMpTy Toolbox. She spends her days in both public and private schools, childcare centers, preschools and in homes helping children of all ages be at their best. Megg lives on the beach in Hampton, NH with her husband, son and “will always be a puppy” chocolate lab. For more solid information and a dash of humor visit https://meggthompson.com.

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