Maybe you feel like a failure because baking cookies with the kids is annoying, shopping leads to debt guilt, and shame from that work party due to things said after one too many mimosas. The things that break up our day to day life that are meant to bring us fun, often bring their share of downsides with them.

Many of us turn to stuffing ourselves with “sweet things” and too much alcohol to numb out when life is not offering us the “sweet things” we really want – meaningful connection.

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. In my office I see many people trying to “fill up” using food and drink. Here are five ways that I help clients learn to fill their heart rather than stuff their belly.

1. Focus On What Matters: 

What most of us want is to feel special. However, many of us can get caught up in materialism, commercialism, and routine activities that make life feel anything but special.

We feel the pressure of cultural performance, unnecessary purchases, unhealthy food, or people who don’t help us feel cherished and valued. Your job is to figure out what matters to you and focus on that first.

2. Make A Plan:

If you really want to be successful having a plan is helpful¹.

As we move further into the new year, set some time aside and make yourself a plan. Look at your focus from #1, determine people you want to spend time with and which activities matter most to you. Make a plan regarding food and beverages you’ll partake in on a daily basis, and which you’ll indulge in for parties or social gatherings.

Having a plan goes a long way toward getting that life you want. This process will help you have an accurate idea of what is really possible during your moments of fun, still letting you indulge and keeping you sane.

3. Determine Who You Want to Hang Out With:

For many this is a hard one.

If you have people in your life you know you will “need” to see but are not excited about, decide ahead of time how much time you want to spend with them. Create an exit plan and follow it. This is not limited to the holidays, this is true year-round!

Focus on people who uplift, support, and help you be a better version of yourself.

For those who don’t meet that criteria visit only as long as you want, have another activity to do during visits (like knitting) and exit when you are ready.

4. Make Gifts Meaningful:

Gifts and gathering are found throughout ancient texts as a way to celebrate festivities throughout the year from Christmas to Birthdays. However, many of us get caught up in the commercialism and competition of today’s idea of gift giving.

If you are not one who loves spending time picking out unique gifts for people, consider other ways you can give. Make a donation to charity in the person’s name, give gift cards, or book time together.

Remember gifts can show others you care, but so can your attention, time, and effort.

5. Give Yourself A Break:

This is a big one. Remember you cannot keep going without recharging your batteries.

You need to take some breaks. This could be a day off, a nap, or early night to bed.

In the middle of group action? Excuse yourself for a solo walk or workout during family festivities to regroup and restore your energy for the long haul.

While the holiday season only comes once a year, any social gathering throughout the year can feel like an endurance event. You need to fuel appropriately for the race, if not you’ll find yourself turning to unhealthy snacks and beverages to keep going. Rest is an important part of the equation.

Often we can feel trapped in frenzied obligations. If you find yourself feeling empty, try the tips above to help make your special occasions meaningful this year, instead of depleting. Even with the excitement of getting together with people you love most, you can feel empty and alone. However, we control our time, energy, and where we put our focus. Make yours count. Fill up from the inside out.

Reference:

1. Epton, T., Currie, S., & Armitage, C. J. (2017). Unique effects of setting goals on behavior change: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 85(12), 1182–1198. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000260

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If you want to feel grounded this holiday season, get proactive about creating your plan to stick with the healthy habits that keep you feeling strong and balanced.

1. Stay with your workouts:

Just like sleep exercise is often the first to go when we get crunched for time. However, our workouts are key to keeping our bodies functioning when things get stressed.

Exercise helps us metabolize stress hormones in a healthy way, thus leaving our bodies with less inflammation and better able to meet increased stressors headed our way¹.

There are lots of ways to adjust your workouts and compact them when needed. It’s more important to get moving any way you can than to get it perfect. Plan to move everyday.

2. Be the one who brings items you can eat and drink:

Those of us interested in taking our health to the next level are often eating foods that might not be mainstream with our communities. If you are adhering to a particular food plan that helps you feel your best and reach your goals, stick to it.

Of course you can always practice moderation with the items that are not usually on your meal plan, however there is no reason to throw out your whole thing. Especially if you feel better when you are on it.

Sticking to your meal plan during the flurry of the holidays will help your mental and physical health, immunity, and physical support you as you work on building the life you love while enjoying the joyful activities this time of year.

Big note: instead of focusing on deprivation, focus on all the good foods you can eat. Be the eating well role model without judgment or ridicule for others. And remember you do not owe anyone a reason for why you are not partaking in unhealthy food choices at the party.

3. Get enough rest:

Is sleep one of the first things to go when you are spread thin? Well, it’s the last thing that should go. Sleep is vital for many of our bodily functions and keeps our mental health on track, too².

When our schedules get harder it is important to make sure we get enough sleep. Sometimes our sleep schedule will fluctuate, however make sure you are planning to get enough rest the day after a late night. Keep your standard bed and wake times as much as you can. And remember, on average adults need 7-9 hours per night for optimal functioning.

These might sound like simple no-brainer ideas to stay on track this holiday season, yet so many of us fall off the healthy path. We end up stressed, putting on pounds, and sleeping poorly only to miss the wonder of the season and feel deprived rather than delighted.

Follow your plan, stick to the healthy habits that help you feel balanced and strong. Watch your holiday season sparkle with more than the millions of twinkle lights you attached to your house last week.

References:

2. Nicolini C., Fahnestock, M., Gibala, M. J., & Nelson, A. J. (2021). Understanding the Neurophysiological and Molecular Mechanisms of Exercise-Induced Neuroplasticity in Cortical and Descending Motor Pathways: Where Do We Stand? Neuroscience, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroscience.2020.12.013
3. Garbarino, S., Lanteri, P., Bragazzi, N.L. et al. Role of sleep deprivation in immune-related disease risk and outcomes. Commun Biol
4. 1304 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1038/s42003-021-02825-4

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Fitness is a feeling. It might be a shock for many of you that an exercise scientist believes you need to kick your fitness into an organic state rather than a ritualistic schedule of charts and numbers. The math and science on body composition is clear.

However, underneath the hard science is the softer science of psychology. Creating fitness is more than formulas and calculations. More than gas exchange and cellular metabolization. Fitness is a feeling.

True fitness doesn’t start with the body. It ends with it. You must feel full, balanced, connected, playful, accepting, focused, and strong to gain the benefits of a fit life.

1. You must feel full. If you don’t feel full, you will always be hungry. You will seek comforts in many different places, but nothing will be able to fill you up. This is no way to live a fit life.

2. True fitness happens when our lives are balanced. Life flows as expansion and openness. It is flexible. Rigidity and constriction are always a less than approach. When you can balance yourself between work and fun, need and want, yes and no you will feel open and expansive. This will lead you to a joyful healthy place.

3. You need to feel connection. You will not be able to stick to your goals if you cannot connect to the reasons behind the goals. Connection takes many forms. I must be able to connect to my body to know when I am 80% full. I must connect with my environment so I am not overstimulated and thus over eat out of under awareness. If I cannot connect to people who are helpful and supportive of me, stay connected to myself and the environment I am in, I will not be able to maintain a focus on my fitness goals.

4. Playfulness is a very important and often overlooked action plan. Many do not value play and want to call if frivolous, however play is a very important part of our health and wellness. It keeps us coming back for more, builds our dopamine, and offers us a sense of strength in our bodies. When we feel playful we embody our existence. We fill up from the inside out and we know what it feels like to be alive.

5. You must be accepting of every rung on your ladder. Holding an accepting feeling about yourself and your journey allows you to truly be present to what is in the moment and take the next needed step. You can’t do that if you refuse to accept the place you are currently in.

6. Focus on feeling focused. Feeling focused isn’t a schedule, it’s not about structure, and it is not just a plan. You must feel yourself find that laser point of focus as you address how you want your life to unfold. Without feeling focused you’ll be pulled in many directions at once rather than efficiently up leveling. Small, focused steps done consistently are much more successful.

7. All about feeling strong. Strength isn’t just about how much you can lift. Strength comes from how you feel. When you feel strong in your mind, your focus is sharp. When you feel strong in your body lifting 100lbs is not that hard. Tough maybe, but you know you will blow past last week’s PR goal. Because when we feel strong, we feel confident. Confidence is just about feeling that we can figure things out. When we feel strong, we know we can do anything we put our mind to.

As you cultivate these 7 feelings you bring out your inner superpower, your emotional experience. Emotions are a source of intelligence and our quickest way to know what we need and where we need to go.

To truly discover fitness in your life you have to look beyond your body. Building your fitness is about pulling absolute and complete joy into your existence by creating the emotional experience that keeps you aligned with your health path.

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Sometimes I might feel strong following a presentation or asserting my needs successfully in relationship. Other times I might feel strong as I crush a PR (personal record) goals in the weight room. Either way I am powerful. By recognizing how powerful my thoughts and emotions are I can maximize the gains I make by combining how I think and feel with how I execute my action plan.

Often we think about fitness as a purely physical experience. It’s something we measure with our blood pressure or blood sugar levels or cholesterol. We track by paying attention to how much we lift, how fast we run, or how long we can continue our ride. However, fitness starts in your mind. You can lift all the weight in the world, but if you aren’t feeling strong in your person you won’t translate all that strength successfully out into the world.

Sure many find themselves throwing their weight around, bragging about biceps, and intimidating people by dominating space, however when one feels truly strong the drive to prove themselves disappears.

Over my career in the fitness center I have often seen clients feel defeated before they even start the workout. They feel overwhelmed, tired, and despair unsure they will really make a difference in their physique this time.

In the therapy room I have worked with many clients feeling the same even though they are not lifting weight at the moment.

Once we shift their mindset to a strength based foundation, things start moving. They start lifting more, running just a little bit further, and working out a few more minutes. Physiques begin to change and clients are up for the challenge of sticking to the plan.

These clients did not suddenly get more muscle fibers and a better VO2 Max. What made the difference is how they thought. Using your mind to impact your fitness is often an untapped superpower. Ask any elite athlete, they will tell you, the mind game is the one you must win. Lifting more weight, running a bit further, and crushing the PR goals are all won in your head long before they are realized in the training room or the track.

Think I’m talking hogwash? Try this experiment, as you consider what it means for you to feel strong, think about times when you felt capable. Remember a time you felt forceful or dominant. Recollect that time you felt competent and courageous.

Create a clear picture in your mind of those great moments in your past. See if you can remember it through all 5 senses. Think about where you were, who you were with, what you saw, heard, touched, smelled, and maybe even tasted as you experienced that moment when you felt your warrior self.

Pay attention to the shifts in your body as you remember that moment. Notice how the memory of feeling strong brings up a sensation in your body. You might find yourself standing a bit straighter. Maybe some pride up through your chest. I bet you feel a little more self contained, even tough as you think about that time you felt really strong. This is the power of pulling in all your resources as you embark on your fitness journey.

Fitness is a feeling. Don’t neglect this superpower as you tackle health goals. When you can harness your thoughts and emotions in the direction of your health goals you are creating a superior workout.

You’ll reach goals you might not have previously figured out. You’ll find the fun and creativity you’ve been aching for, and you’ll find yourself joyful on the path rather than living with deprivation. Fitness is a feeling. Start your health journey with feelings and watch your obstacles melt away.

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