Some of life’s challenges can seem like mountains, especially to children. Unfortunately, some parents try to move the “mountains” that are before their children when they should instead teach their children how to climb mountains. In education, we define such parents as “enablers,” for by moving mountains instead of allowing their children to mountaineer life’s challenges, such parents enable their children to give excuses for problems. This causes children to miss opportunities to develop critical life skills.

If you are a parent who wants your children to succeed, here are five skills kids learn as they go “up and over” challenges like they would a mountain.

1. Dignity – This commonly refers to the honor we confer on others by appealing to their intellect with honesty and truth, offering sensitivity to feelings, and respecting one’s right of self-determination. We dignify people by recognizing their value as human beings. By teaching children to dignify others, kids reciprocally learn that they should expect others to dignify them as well. Thus, dignity refers to a pattern of moral behavior that both warrants and gives honor. By teaching our children of their own dignity, we instill value in them while at the same teaching them that others likewise deserve it.
2. Self-Discipline – The ability to restrain oneself from various feelings, impulses, and desires serves as a shield against temptations to settle for what is easy. The right choice and the difficult choice are often one and the same. Temptations to lose discipline always come in the form of lusting after something we see, something that brings bodily pleasure, or something that inflates our pride. Many bad decisions are easy to choose and made when we lose discipline and fall for these categories of temptation. Our children will be tempted to lose self-discipline for the entirety of their lives, so it is paramount they learn not to.
3. Responsibility – Since reputation is determined by action, responsibility thus carries with it culpability. Personal growth and respect are inhibited when one chooses not to do what is expected of them. By teaching our kids responsibility, they do as expected, accomplish more, and honor both themselves and the values you instill. Furthermore, they develop trustworthiness.
4. Accountability – Not be confused with “responsibility,” accountability simply necessitates giving an answer and does not imply obligation. This is a crucial skill. Our children are never responsible for what happens to them in life, but they are always accountable for their responses regarding what occurs. How they respond is what will determine progress or stagnation. Accountability trains our kids in humility, and it provides ways for them to be proactive and intentional. When our kids learn accountability, they never have to be victims again for they are in control of their responses.
5. Resilience – Resilience is the quality of being able to adapt to life-stressors and overcoming hardship. Resilience is a response. It is choosing to respond wisely to suffering while growing both through and from it. The enemy of resilience is an incorrect assumption that one knows how challenges will end. When our children are allowed to believe that they know the concluding result of a matter, we invite them to give up instead of exercising resilience. Life bombards everyone with numerous hardships. If we hope to see our kids overcome their hardships, we must teach them to be resilient, not fix their problems for them. 

In summary, metaphoric mountains continually offer opportunities for children to encounter challenges, react to them, and then reap the consequences of their responses whether these be positive or negative. This is practical learning. Mountain-climbing affords children the ability to adapt, which ultimately yields skillsets that promote wise choices, honor others, and set our kids up to be productive. The next time your child encounters a mountain at school or in life, choose to help them scale it rather than enabling them to produce excuses. They will one day thank you, and you will place yourself in company as rare as the air on literal mountain tops.

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A simple dictionary review informs us that accountability is a condition of being responsible for something. It’s the state of being answerable to a superior. It is likewise a position where one is worthy of another person’s trust and confidence. Indeed, accountability distinguishes the mature from the immature. Mature people can handle adversity. Immature people often wilt under difficult circumstances. Accountability, then, is a job-ready skill, a relationship skill, and a life skill. It is also the greatest gift you can give your child, because once they learn it, they will never have to be a “victim” again.

Let’s look at seven steps needed to teach others accountability.

1. When teaching any skill, engagement with the child should be based on the frequency of inappropriate behavior and seldom the degree of immature behavior. Frequency confirms a missing skill. Irresponsibility peeks its head often, so repetitious behavior should identify what a child cannot manage.
2. There are essentially three habitual behaviors that all unaccountable people struggle with. It may be one or more, but accountability needs to be taught and practiced if you recognize any of the following:
   1. They are beset by uncomfortable or overwhelming feelings that result in chronic trouble.
   2. They cannot maintain composure if someone around them can’t either.
   3. They are unable to do something when it is difficult, or they don’t want to do something requested.
3. If you recognize any of the above behaviors, you will need to assist that person with learning accountability. First, you will need to set boundaries if you want to navigate this obstacle course successfully. Boundaries help reduce worry but be careful…many make the mistake of teaching before establishing the necessary boundaries. You want to be predictable when teaching accountability. Accountability must be confined within boundaries and never by mood. When someone lacks accountability, they will do something that frustrates you. This is why an atmosphere of predictability is crucial. Be clear. Be kind. Be consistent and predictable.
4. Through the process, understand that you will need to provide time, relationship, and questions. You should seek ownership, partnership, and coachability from the child. The key is the relationship component. Irresponsibility will frustrate you. This will tempt you to distance yourself from that person, but don’t do that. It will only isolate the person from you, and they will no longer want to partner with you to grow.
5. Remember, when you partner with someone, you are coaching them, not lecturing them. A lecture never changed anyone. Coaching, however, leads people to change by asking great questions. An example would be asking someone if their choice made their situation better or worse. They know the answer. Allow them to voice it rather than you informing them. This exercise leads to the next requirement to successfully coach accountability: Practice.
6. Just like learning the skill of throwing a ball correctly, learning the skill of accountability also takes lots of practice. Practice leads to confidence, and increased confidence leads to increased effort.
7. Lastly, maintain high standards. Never lower standards for your child just because they have suffered something. When we lower standards, we rob our children of the chance to gain confidence. The pain they experience may not be their fault, but it is always 100% their responsibility to function maturely through problems. We don’t change expectations because every person is worthy of being successful. Don’t let your child avoid overwhelming feelings. Lead them through them and practice managing them appropriately.

Accountability is challenging because it is a vulnerable process for both parties. Ironically, parents are often strict when it comes to academics, but some are lax when it comes to behavior. The irony is that academics seldom impact real-world relationships, while behaviors will make or break a person. There is no algorithm for interpersonal skills. These depend on accountability but remember: Relationships don’t change children. Accountability is where change occurs.

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