School climate promotes — or complicates — a student’s ability to learn and achieve academically. This is common sense. To the extent that students feel safe, cared for, appropriately supported and lovingly “pushed” to learn, academic achievement should increase.– The School Climate Challenge, National School Climate Center (NSCC)

So what actions by adults positively impact students’ sense of feeling valued? Part of the answer is as simple as giving children eye contact, knowing and using their names and engaging them in positive conversation. In other words, helping them be seen.

In an ideal world, they will always feel respected but as millions of kids know, peer mistreatment happens. In those cases, it’s the job of parents and school staff to make sure they are not only seen but also heard.

The Youth Voice Project researchers went to the source and surveyed over 13,000 students in grades 5-12 to assess what advice and actions actually help; which ones don’t; and how do kids effectively help each other.

According to the students, the No. 1 most helpful adult action was listened to me. Listening, following up and giving advice ranked at the top and told me to stop tattling was at the bottom. Discouraging kids to report hurtful behavior is perhaps one of the worst things adults can do. If they don’t tell, they can’t receive help. Teaching them from young ages how to report something responsibly versus getting someone in trouble is a critical skill.

Kids need adult help but they also need each other. How do we mentor our children when they’re the bystander witnessing mean behavior? Turn the role from a bystander to an upstander.

The difference between the two is action.  Although it’s good to ask kids to take action, training them to “confront” the child acting like a bully may not be the way to go. According to the Youth Voice Project, it’s not the most effective and in some instances, makes the problem worse. Instead, kids report that the following list of peer actions are much more helpful:

Included Me and Spent Time with Me at School
Most Helpful Actions Overall
Walked or spent time with me at school
Talked to me at school to encourage me
Gave me advice (hope)
Helped me get away; made a distraction
Helped me tell adults

Children can be taught how to “Step Up” to help another child out through empathy, inclusion, even humor and seeking help from trusted adults. By encouraging kids to communicate and then being present for them, the problem may not be immediately solved but the sense of safety will most likely remain intact.

It never hurts to go for the A+.

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If you’re not going to volunteer in the school, don’t complain in the schoolyard.

I felt it was a bit harsh at the time, but in hindsight, it was invaluable.  There are so many benefits to getting involved and as the expression goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” Contributing time and talents to building a strong and healthy school climate has one huge upside: kids have a better chance for academic and social success.

Build a Positive Home/School Partnership…

1. For Your Child
2. For Your School
3. For Yourself

Your Child:

“Who doesn’t want their parents to care about them?” — Fifth Grade Student

Volunteering makes kids feel as if you’re interested. They want you to get to know their friends and have an appreciation for where they spend so much of their day. It also makes it easier for them to talk to you when things are going well – or when things need a course correction. And if a course correction is needed, heed the words of principal Diane Hesterhagen:

“Say anything but it’s all in the delivery.”

When you say positive things about kids or their performance in school, they strive to do better. When you get to know their teacher, it’s easier to get a sense of how they’re doing in the classroom and how you can support the teacher’s efforts at home.

Tangled Ball Tip: When the teacher does something right, send a note. Teachers are human, too, and saying positive things is a motivator for them, as well.

The School:

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ― Brené Brown

Schools need support to prosper and depend on volunteers to create that connection and community.  Building a kind environment takes the effort of both homes and schools. It’s a process of reaffirming each other’s values.

According to Scott Seider, author of ‘Character Compass: How Powerful School Culture Can Point Students Toward Success’, the most successful schools build on character and understand the power of synergy between home and school.

I think that nearly all of us would agree that the primary character educators in children’s lives are their parents. None of the schools profiled in Character Compass would describe themselves as trying to take over this role, but rather to supplement and reinforce the lessons that students are learning at home.

For Parents:

Work and life pressures often make it hard to volunteer but it’s worth getting creative and carving out the time.

A strong community helps everyone succeed and it’s not just our kids who form friendships. Parents often form deep and lasting bonds with other school parents. These bonds enrich our lives and make parenting easier. Children need good and trusted Go-To Adults…but so do parents. Often the best advice comes from our own Go-To Adults. They’re often the like-minded people that share our priorities and are volunteering right next to us.

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