Over the next several years, I worked hard to move closer to God, to hear his voice, and to understand what was happening. But, my world kept falling apart, piece by piece. We faced business and financial challenges, health issues, and death in the family, all while my daughter moved deeper into addiction and chaos, and further from the brilliant girl I once knew – the girl who had it all.

Perhaps you are experiencing a period when nothing seems to be going your way, and you are feeling confused, frustrated, helpless, and scared. Maybe you are mad at God; I was.

Precisely 12 years and 12 days after the first shooting, it happened again, and this time it was fatal.

Every morning for years, I prayed for a miracle because I knew that’s what it would take for my daughter to beat her addiction Beast. I sent up my petition and then tried to live in faith, and believe for the miracle. When Jamie died, I thought God got it wrong, and I told him so – loudly. I felt betrayed. After all, I prayed, believed, and waited on God. Hadn’t I checked all the faith boxes? My daughter’s murder felt like a middle finger from heaven.

When life’s two-by-fours smack us upside the head, leaving us devastated, it can shake our faith to the core. I figured God had been yelled at by better people than I, so I forgave myself for my outburst and grabbed my spiritual armor I had thrown against the wall, and decided to stand up and make the best of the rest of my life. I came to believe Jamie’s life was headed in a more destructive direction than it had been for the past 15 years, and as heartbroken as I am, she went to heaven at just the right time. I opened my eyes to the good that was all around me.

These are the Four Pillars of Faith that are holding me up, and they can hold you up, too:

1. Some things don’t make sense. Let’s face it; there are things in this life we will never understand. These are the situations you need to file in the “Some Things Don’t Make Sense File.” It is where my daughter’s drug addiction and her murder are stored. It is where I placed my biological father’s abandonment. The file contains everything I have given up trying to figure out.

2. It’s better to walk with God. As frustrated as you might be with God, I have found it is better to walk with him, not understanding his ways, than to go it alone, pretending to have it all together.

3. Consider the bigger picture. When all hell breaks loose, it is natural to stare at the incident with a myopic viewpoint. Try to consider that whatever is happening might be a part of a larger picture that you can’t see at present. Be open to perspective that you can only gain through trials.

4. Find the Collateral Beauty. Collateral damage is easy to spot, and the Beast wants you so focused on the negative fallout that you miss the lessons, wisdom, and people God sends your way. Since God never wastes any experience, be assured that in and amongst the shrapnel embedded in your heart and on the ground around you, is collateral beauty.

You are not alone. Pick up your spiritual armor and start walking with God again.

Your Story Matters…Live it, Courageously.

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Aging bodies are hard to hide, but aging attitudes might not be as evident. Self-sabotaging thoughts being to invade your mind. I should have done this. I wish I had done that. I can’t do it now. I missed my chance. I’m getting too old. It’s too late.

The good news is that it’s never too late to start something new or to begin again. Here are three reasons why:

1. 50 is the new 30. Times have changed. You may recall when you were a kid, and someone in their fifties seemed ancient. To a child, everybody over thirty appears old, but these days, what fifty looks like is far different from when we were young. People in their sixties are running marathons. Septuagenarians take up new hobbies, and octogenarians are attending fitness classes.

2. Your life experience is invaluable. When the temptation to take a trip down “what if” lane shows up, I remind myself that my personal and professional experiences have been priceless. Had I written my first book a decade or so sooner, I wouldn’t have had as much to say. Don’t discount the value of your wisdom, knowledge, and insight that comes with age.

3. If someone else has done it, so can you. If even one person has gone where you would like to go, or achieved what you desire, then it’s proof that you can do the same.

Harland Sanders, of Colonel Sanders fame, was 62 years old when he sold his first franchise.

Susan Boyle went from obscurity to an international singing phenomenon, when she shocked the world with her beautiful singing voice on Britain’s Got Talent. Her first album was released when Susan was 48 years old.

In the 1960s, at the age of 49, Julia Child published her first cookbook. She went on to become a beloved American icon who pioneered the cooking show genre.

Anna Mary Robertson Moses, known as Grandma Moses, was an American folk artist who began painting seriously at the age of 78. She exhibited her work internationally into her 90s.

Laura Ingalls Wilde published her first book at the age of 65. Her book, Little House on the Prairie, became wildly popular and was the basis for the television series.

Valerie Silveira wrote her first book just shy of her 53^rd birthday, after a career, mainly in accounting, finance, and business operations.

Yes, that last example is yours truly. I admit that I doubted myself and wondered if it was too late to head down a new road, but I faced my fears and did it anyway. When I am tempted to take a trip down “what if” lane, I remind myself that my personal and professional experiences have been priceless, and they more than prepared me for the mission.

Mine was not a path I had dreamed about, but rather, born out of heartbreak and tragedy. No matter how a dream or idea is placed on your heart, take a leap of faith and believe that you still have time see it through.

Believe in the value of your wisdom, knowledge, and insight that can only be obtained with age and experience. What is it that you are putting off doing, trying, or becoming? It’s never too late, unless you wait until it’s too late.

Your story matters…Live it, Courageously!

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