Professor's House

Bathroom Etiquette 101 – The Unofficial Rules of the Bathroom

In life, there are few things worse than taking an emergency visit to a gas station bathroom on the side of some road somewhere and to feel as though you have entered an above ground septic tank. If its not the smells that knock you over, it’s the stained yellow droplets on the toilet seat – or the poop ring that someone left in the toilet – or worse….the unflushed toilet that has been festering for days on end – like a forgotten piece of road kill. This same bathroom never seems to have soap, lacks running water in the sink – and sometimes, you are left to wipe with cardboard’ish towels that feel like sandpaper on the bottom.

The only thing worse than that – is experiencing some of the same things in your own home. Once you cohabitate with other people – whether adults or children, you realize that a persons bathroom habits are the real tell all of what kind of person they are. There really is such a thing as Bathroom Etiquette 101, and since apparently many people today have forgotten – this article serves as a refresher course. And look, just because you are using some sketchy roadside bathroom that a gypsy might have slept in the night before, doesn’t mean you cannot leave it a little better off than it as when you came in.

Bathroom Etiquette Rules

  • You ‘gotta’ love the signs that say, “Your mother does not live here – so clean up after yourself.” But even if your mother DOES live with you – it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t clean up after yourself in the bathroom. Bathrooms are communal areas, which mean that you share them with other people. So be respectful and pick up your personal belongings after you use them.
  • If you spit on the sink – wipe up the spit. After an hour or so, toothpaste spit hardens into a glue-like substance. Plus, it’s just gross. Either improve your aim, or use that thing called a faucet, to rinse down your spittle.
  • If you live with others, the “If its yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down” thing just doesn’t work. For one thing, pee left in the toilet stinks after a while. And additionally, if you don’t flush your pee – you will end up with a clogged toilet from the excess of toilet paper sitting in the toilet basin. Just flush!
  • Shave much? If so, then clean up those little whiskers and stray hairs. And by all means, if you are trimming ‘down yonder’ don’t do it over the toilet seat and then leave all the pubic hairs for others to see. That’s just too much – even if you are a close knit family.
  • Women! Put up your make-up and little brushes and liners and lipsticks. Cluttering up the sink is just asking for trouble and with the cost of cosmetic these days, the last thing you want is those items to end up in the toilet.
  • Put down the toilet seat. And the lid. Simple, right?
  • If you pee on the toilet seat, then wipe it up. Seriously, you know you did it – instead of just leaving it there for the next person, take care of that mess.
  • If you leave a poop ring – clean it. Yes, it IS gross – which is exactly why someone else doesn’t want to see it. If you have tendency to leave poop rings on the toilet basin – then please….scoot your arse back a bit so the turds actually land in the water.
  • Speaking of bowel movements? How hard is it to use air fresheners? You know it stinks, so why just leave the smell festering for others to smell? Close the door, spray some air freshener, and turn on the fan. If it is really bad – then a warning to others may not be such an awful thing.
  • Go in, do your business – and get out. Sitting on the toilet for an hour doing a crossword or reading a Kindle version of your favorite book while others are waiting is just plain rude.
  • After you take a shower, put your wet towels up, your dirty clothes in the hamper (or wherever you keep those things), and leave it ready for the next person.
  • Change the damn toilet paper! If you use the last bit, then by all means – put on a new roll. And throw the empty carton in the trash; don’t just throw it behind the toilet for someone else to deal with later.
  • Don’t use other people’s stuff. Whether you have a roommate, a spouse or children – sharing toothbrushes is not cool. Some things, especially in the bathroom – are private for a reason!
  • If you must pop a zit in the mirror, please remove the puss off of the mirror. G.R.O.S.S.
  • Close the door. Some people don’t feel the need to close the door while they are in the bathroom. Seriously though, it’s never a good visual to see other people using the pot – unless you are potty training a toddler.
  • All right ladies! Whether you are in a public restroom, or a private one – could you please remember to wrap up your feminine hygiene products in a bit of toilet tissue before throwing them in the top of the trash can.
  • No eating in the bathroom. Please.
  • Wash your hands when you are done. So many people forget this. But the last thing you want is a hug from your husband or your child after you know they just spent the last 20 minutes taking a crap and they never washed their hands.
  • If you clog it, unclog it. Obviously, your 5 year old shouldn’t be left alone with the toilet plunger for any length of time – but for those of us over the age of 12, unclog your own mess!

You would think that most of this stuff is a no-brainer. In actuality, this is all simple stuff, common etiquette that far too many people these days forget, not just in public restrooms – but at home as well!

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