In movies, classic break-ups often involve a broken vase, shouting, some choice words, and a door slamming. The next scene typically shows two people living separate lives as if the marriage never existed. However, the reality is far messier. While a marriage’s end may include some broken vases and heated words, leaving isn’t always as simple as walking out the door. This is why more than half of all married couples who are unhappy choose to stay together. When it comes to ending a marriage and leaving, there are many financial and familial factors at play, making a hasty decision not always the wisest.
Preparing to Leave: Important Considerations
Bottom line: if you’re planning to leave your spouse, you must be prepared. When you realize you’re sure you won’t stay married, IT IS NOT the time to act impulsively. Instead, it’s crucial to step back, emotionally detach, and start making thoughtful plans.
Most experts suggest that the person intending to leave should keep quiet until they’ve made responsible preparations. Think of it this way: you wouldn’t leave for a vacation without taking care of everything first. So why would you leave a marriage without the same level of consideration?
Here are some essential tips for preparing to leave your spouse:
Consult with a lawyer: A divorce lawyer is a valuable resource, offering guidance on what to do before leaving. Their expertise can help you plan and prepare for your future. Remember, they’ve seen many clients rush into divorce unprepared, often out of anger.
Know the financial realities: After a divorce, a woman’s standard of living typically drops by at least 27%, and even more if there are children involved. Many women make emotional decisions based on anger, especially after discovering infidelity. It’s okay to feel angry and hurt, but try to collect your thoughts before making any decisions.
Get involved in your finances: In many marriages, one person handles the finances while the other is in the dark. If you’re not in the know, it’s time to get involved. Understanding your finances will help you navigate your future and prepare you for the realities of life after divorce.
Start saving money: Plan ahead by setting aside money for yourself. While this might seem deceptive, think of it as a form of self-preservation. If you bring up the divorce too early, you might not have the opportunity to save before it happens.
Plan for housing: If you’re the one moving out, make sure you have a place to go. Consider temporary housing options or talk to family members in advance, so you aren’t left scrambling for a place to stay. Divorce often changes your living situation, so make realistic plans.
Consider the children: When a marriage ends, it’s easy to forget about the kids, but you must consider their well-being. Think ahead about custody arrangements and present amicable options to your spouse when you discuss the divorce. Remember, using your children as pawns in a fight with your spouse is never a good idea.
Document everything: If you need evidence of illegal activities, drug use, or abuse, now is the time to start gathering records. Being prepared with documentation will help you present your case in court.
Open your own bank account: This is important for financial independence after the divorce. Securing a credit card will also help you manage your finances during and after the separation.
Make copies of all important documents: Create a separate file with crucial documents like birth certificates, financial records, and legal papers. This will ensure you’re not caught off guard later on.
Build a support network: Reach out to trusted friends or family for emotional support. They can offer insights and help guide you through this tough time, both before and after the divorce.
Start rebuilding your credit: If you don’t have credit in your own name, it’s time to start building it. Having good credit will be important post-divorce.
Think about your career: If you’ve been a stay-at-home parent, begin to update your skills and consider job opportunities. Finding employment after divorce can be challenging, but it’s essential for financial independence.
These suggestions may seem deceptive at first, but preparing yourself before you tell your spouse you’re leaving is essential. If you jump into a divorce without taking these steps, you could find yourself struggling in the aftermath. It’s better to be prepared and ready for your next chapter than to act hastily and face the consequences later.
5 Responses
Great preparation plan. I like it.
I am still living with my husband. He does not let me work so I have no means to make money. If I suddenly start working he will cause me problems.
How do I start without a means of money? I know it’s Not a clever question: that is my reality unfortunately.
Sell things on local buy&sell groups/apps like Facebook or Craig’s list or even on Ebay. Old things you have around the house or deals you can find in stores. Go to garage sales and find hidden gems or even little things that you can buy for $5 and sell for $10. Get savvy with prices and what things are worth. You can make and sell crafts also. It works as a hobby you like and you can make a little money. If your husband asks for the money just tell him you use it to buy more crafts. Eventually the money will snowball into a good amount over time.
Try looking into work from home job in the meantime.
Good info. I’m tired of looking for help and finding all these psychologists trying to save my marriage when I already know it’s dead and has been from almost the start. We already have separate bank accounts and we split the bills. Not a problem at first, but now that I make about 15% less in salary than I did before splitting the bills means I’m footing a lot. So now I’m pushing back and just saying “I can’t afford to pay all of the car insurance for both vehicles…can you help” or instead of buying a lot of groceries and cooking I’ll get him to go pick up something like pizza or burgers a couple times a week (which makes him happy though he’s paying for it.) I was going to have a garage sale, but now I’ve decided to keep them packed up and have the sale AFTER I leave so that he can’t say anything about the money. One attorney advised me (and thank goodness for her) was to think of this as a half-price sale…..don’t go out and purchase a bunch of big items, but if you know you are going to need a bedroom suit or new mattress, at least get that done and ‘fix up the guest room’. Buy new, cheap silverware for every day use and pack your good (or better stuff) in a box. Treat it like a hope chest. New linens, a few new towels. Pack them up and leave them in a corner tucked into the ‘old clothes’ box….just make sure he isn’t going to suddenly get an idea to take it all to Goodwill or something. If you have a friend or family member who would be willing to store a few boxes for you, that would be even better.