One of the curses of being a parent is that suddenly, every action you take has new meaning in the life of your child. Lose your temper with a waitress while your child is at the table, and suddenly, they will be demanding their chicken nuggets be cooked to perfection at McDonald’s. Feel impatient waiting in line at the grocery store, and your child will start pushing and shoving their way to the front of the line on the playground. The “do as I say, not as I do” attitude doesn’t work because children observe their parents and immediately assume that their actions are golden. Don’t believe it? Ask any elementary school teacher about the things they hear their students repeat, straight from mom and dad’s mouths!
Just because you have children doesn’t mean you’re flawless. Since children live under your wing and roof most of the time, it is your behavior, personality, and actions that mold the clay that becomes the statue of who they are. Sure, they have their own ingrained traits, quirks, and ways, but mostly, they are learning from you. And since you aren’t perfect, it’s important for your children to understand that not everything you do or say is what you expect from them.
Admitting Mistakes and Teaching Humility
The first step in helping your children be their very best and setting a good example is admitting your mistakes. When you’re wrong, you’re wrong. If you yell at your child or treat someone unfairly, it’s crucial to recognize it. If you owe someone an apology, your child needs to hear it from you, lest they become self-righteous and indignant themselves. If you make a mistake, have an error in judgment, or tell a lie in front of little ears, you should admit your wrongdoing to your child, especially if they witnessed it. Along with admitting your mistake, also offer the solution you should have chosen had you been in the right frame of mind. You might also want to tie a string around your finger as a reminder that someone very special is always watching you.
When children begin to see that their parents didn’t hang the moon and that even they have faults and make mistakes, they are allowed to love themselves for their own faults as well. Far too many children are held to such high standards that they become unforgiving with themselves, losing self-confidence and hindering their self-worth. However, when their mom or dad — the people they look up to with such adoration — makes a mistake, they won’t feel so bad when they do. Along with admitting your wrongs, you should also ask your child to forgive you. These two simple actions can make a huge difference in your child’s life as they grow into adulthood. Luckily, children are quick to forgive!
Being an example for your children also involves knowing there is a time and place for everything. Some conversations just shouldn’t happen in front of the kids. Whether you’re at the ballpark talking about someone they know, your spouse, money, or your marriage, some things should be kept private. This doesn’t mean you have to be secretive, but at the very least, you should be discreet. Children overhear many things while you’re on the phone, talking with another mom, or at the store, things that are inappropriate and can cause fear. They also hear you say things that aren’t nice about others, and then you turn around and tell them to be nice to people, no matter what. This can be confusing, and if they see mom and dad acting fake and two-faced, they may take on those traits as well. Eventually, as they gain life experience, they will learn how and why you act the way you do. For now, however, it’s best for them to believe the world is a perfect place and that you abstain from negativity as much as possible.
One thing often overlooked when it comes to being a good example for children is the need to be positive! Your worries, your fears, your preconceived notions, and all the other things that you’ve learned to be negative about in life do not have to become your child’s baggage. Perhaps, of all the ways you can be an example, this one has the most beneficial effect. When children see their parents behaving positively, with an optimistic attitude, resilience, and a constant belief that all is well in life, children become that way too. When children see parents who are self-confident, trusting, and full of faith, they will adopt these traits as well. This is perhaps the most powerful way a parent can be an example for their child. Children learn to quit from their parents, but they can also learn to persevere, persist, and find the true meanings of an abundant life by seeing things through your eyes and attitude. What an amazing gift to give a child!
In fact, by learning to be a good example for your child, you can begin to live the life you really want as well. Parenthood is a great time to decide what kind of life and outlook you want. It’s also the perfect time to decide what sort of impact you want to make on humanity and begin living in a way that makes you feel satisfied and peaceful. Whereas before, your quick temper or loose tongue might have seemed inconsequential, once you become a parent, you realize how large of an impact you have! Being an example for your child is not always easy, but it gives you the perfect opportunity to make positive changes in your own life that will benefit both you and your child.
