Being to the Point With Your Teenager

It’s a heartbreaking moment when your teenager announces that they are dropping out of high school. No matter their reason, it’s a moment every parent hopes and prays will never happen. Most parents don’t know how to react when it does.

High school dropouts create a very difficult position for themselves in life. Without a high school education, their employment options are severely limited. They can’t even join the armed forces.

What Should Parents Do?
So, what is a parent supposed to do? In some states, a minor cannot drop out of high school without parental consent, and refusal to go makes them truant, which comes with a heap of court costs and fines for the parent. So, while your child is exercising their right to refuse school every morning, you’re racking up quite a tidy sum in fines, which you are ultimately responsible for paying.

Some states require that the child maintain a job during the years they would have been in high school. But the law does not create character, and it will not be there when your smart child potentially condemns themselves to minimum wage jobs, making it difficult to get ahead.

Naturally, the first thing you’re going to want to do is convince them otherwise. Start by finding out why they want to drop out. Often, the motivator is a solvable issue if the child would just explain what’s going on instead of giving up. Are they in over their head academically? Is there a complex social issue inhibiting their ability to feel safe? The challenges kids face in high school are tremendous, and an overwhelmed student can easily convince themselves that dropping out is the best solution.

Nobody wants to be a dropout. There is shame and embarrassment associated with it. Dropping out feels like copping out, and no one wants to be seen as weak. So, there must be a strong motivator for any child who wants to walk down this path. Check for outside influences. Are they hanging with a crowd that is encouraging them to stay home, run with them, and be their “man of the hour”? If so, there’s a bigger issue than whether or not they go to school, and it requires intervention, as gang-related dropouts are common within the first six to nine months of joining a gang.

Dropping out is not just an inner-city problem. It affects small towns, rural areas, affluent families, and the poverty-stricken. Regardless of background, a kid can become overwhelmed and feel that dropping out and starting fresh somewhere else is the best option. Some schools will send a social worker to the home to try to determine what the problem is and hopefully find a solution.

Even if you can’t pinpoint the motivating factor, ask your child if they want to try transferring to another school. This can become complicated if the child has a history of detentions and suspensions on their record. However, some children resistant to following through on their education may purposely receive out-of-school suspensions or even head toward expulsion to get what they think they want.

What many parents and students don’t realize is that if the child resists all attempts to influence their decision and drops out of high school, all is not lost. As long as the child is a resident of the county, other high schools will let them re-attend until they are twenty-one. Some community colleges only require a placement test upon entry and will accept an individual without a high school diploma. Sooner or later, every dropout realizes their mistake. Once they have dropped out, parents should encourage them to return to school before they turn 21, helping them understand that the doors haven’t yet been slammed. Depending on their age, they may have a couple of years to realize their error and, once they understand they have other options, find a way to correct their mistakes.

Dropping out of high school is ultimately a last resort, and most kids who do so are just looking for a break, a way to start fresh and redefine themselves. Finding a solution to this problem will eliminate the barriers to their education, allowing them to return to the remainder of their childhood.

Not all children who drop out of high school are doomed to become failures or hopelessly lazy individuals. Many successful people dropped out of school and still made something of their lives, including your author. Dropping out is an act of desperation for everyone who chooses that path. Adults who can help the child find a better alternative are the ones who understand that, most of the time, the actual education isn’t the issue.

Those of us who did drop out but didn’t give up on life had to take the longer, harder road to success. I went to college without my high school diploma and was eventually granted the diploma, as I had earned enough credits to graduate. Something as simple as knowing I had already completed the task, but was still stuck in a school I hated, made all the difference for me. Thankfully, I had someone encouraging me that success was still possible.

Any time we give up on a child, we give up on their future. Even if they choose to give up on themselves, we as adults need to drive them forward anyway, nudging them toward better, more creative options and helping them sort through their problems responsibly. Nobody wants to be a high school dropout.